Should we have a vow renewal?

Re: Should we have a vow renewal?

• AddieCake member

  

  November 2015

  WILL it be your first dance? If you've danced together since being married, it really isn't, you know? I don't object to vow renewals having all the wedding trimmings, but I do side eye them a bit when they happen so soon after being married and when they happen simply b/c you couldn't afford to do it up that way previously. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• jacques27 member

  

  November 2015

  You're talking about a renewal to happen at a date in the future that's four times the length you've actually been married?  I guess that seems like putting the cart before the horse - you've been married for one year but are fixated on giving yourselves the wedding you couldn't afford in another four years?  I guess I personally, would be more fixated on living my life and being married for the next four years than planning a party to make up for not getting a party a year ago.  A party still doesn't make your parents be there to see you exchange vows on the day you got married (vows that don't expire, by the way).  And what makes you so confident that the money you didn't have a year ago will be there in four years?  A lot of life can happen in those four years - houses, kids, unemployment, illness, just plain ol' bad luck, etc.
  
  Personally, again, I'd just focus on living my life.  In like another three years and six months if it seems like still such a pressing need in your life, then revisit the subject with your husband.  Though at the five year mark, I still think that's a little soon for a renewal, but whatever.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  05re19 said:

  Okay so my husband and I have been married for a year now. We ended up eloping due to financial reasons and now we started thinking about renewing our vows on our 5 year anniversary and have the big celebration we couldn't afford with the dress and all the other fancy things. I loved our elopement but i would've loved to share it with our families too. Are we crazy for wanting to have the celebration we couldn't afford or should we stick to just having a small party? Any advice? I am aware that it would be impossible to have all the wedding things because of course we are already married but for example having our first dance and being able to wear a nice dress not necessarily an over the top wedding dress.

  Vow renewals are not second weddings.  They have their own etiquette rules, some of which are no fancy wedding dress, no wedding party, no gifts, no wedding traditions of any kind.  A 5th anniversary is too soon for a vow renewal, IMHO.
  You cannot have another wedding.  You are already married.  That ship has sailed.
  What you can have is a super anniversary party.  You can have food, drink, dancing, fancy dresses (not wedding dresses), but no ceremony.  This would be a lovely way to celebrate your wedding anniversary.  Dance the night away and enjoy yourselves!
  
  
  

  

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  November 2015

  I eloped and don't regret a second of it. It was a choice we made together as adults. I do not feel the need to redo anything that "I missed out on" because I had my wedding and I'm very happily married. Granted, my elopement was the wedding of my dreams...

  that being said, we did have a small immediate family only dinner when we got back. when I say immediate family, I just mean my H's children (who are adults). why can't you just have a nice, small family dinner on your next anniversary? Or even just any old time? It doesn't have to be 4 years from now. Many restaurants have private rooms you can book out and hosting a dinner for a small group will not be that expensive. As for wearing a nice dress, I often use a nice dinner out as an excuse to dress up. Not ball gown dress up, but I try to look nicer than normal.

  I also agree with CMGragain's advice on a nice anniversary party.

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  As you get on with living in the present and planning for the future, you're priorities will most likely change. Three and a half years from now, you might think it makes more sense to have an anniversary dinner with your family and/or spend the rest of the vow renewal budget on a second honeymoon.
  
  ETA -I'm sorry I resurrected a zombie thread. Please ignore me.

                     

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• BrookelovesJason member

  

  August 2016

  To the OP, forget Miss Manners!!! No one at your ceremony is going to judge you as much as the other women in this thread. 
  
  If you want to have to big lavish ceremony and afterparty/reception, go for it! It's our money and your life. Don't come here asking for validation from judgmental people. 
  
  Best of Luck. 
  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  August 2016

  BrookelovesJason said:

  To the OP, forget Miss Manners!!! No one at your ceremony is going to judge you as much as the other women in this thread. 
  
  If you want to have to big lavish ceremony and afterparty/reception, go for it! It's our money and your life. Don't come here asking for validation from judgmental people. 
  
  Best of Luck. 
  
  

  @BrookelovesJason, in your first three posts on The Knot, you have offered poor/bad/unhelpful responses.  This particular thread is dead.
  
  I suggest you lurk a bit.  Check the date of the last post prior to commenting to determine whether the thread is an active one.  The worst advice you can give is to say, "It's your day/do what you want".  Suggesting brides "forget etiquette' is the worst suggestion to make.  I have to wonder, if you feel so harshly about the women on these boards, who YOU yourself are so quick to judge, why you bother to post to ask for suggestions?
  
  For the record, I am an old, married hag.  I have been married 38 years.  I have hosted a wedding for both my son and daughter.  We put the comfort and hospitality of our guests first, because............etiquette. Posters that come here only for validation typically do not fare well.  If that is what you are seeking, I suggest you find a forum that has "special snowflake", "unicorn", or "rainbow" in the title.  You could also search with the subtitles, "entitled", "thoughtless", and "it's all about me". 
  
  
  

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• BrookelovesJason member

  

  August 2016

  Thank you for your Bitchy response. I myself have been married over 15 years and see no problem with ANYONE celebrating their love in any capacity. It is their money and their life who cares. Are you or your minions paying for this event? I didn't think so. Let them be. The etiquette you speak of was created MANY years ago and very little people follow that as you so perfectly did. Great Job! 
  
  I will "lurk" or comment on whatever I see fit. I come here time and time again hoping for a positive response to one of these questions where women just want their special day, not the day at the court house for circumstances beyond their control, or the backyard shindig their families threw together. If their husband and the wife want the big to do who are YOU to judge them?

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• MobKaz member

  

  August 2016

  BrookelovesJason said:

  Thank you for your Bitchy response. I myself have been married over 15 years and see no problem with ANYONE celebrating their love in any capacity. It is their money and their life who cares. Are you or your minions paying for this event? I didn't think so. Let them be. The etiquette you speak of was created MANY years ago and very little people follow that as you so perfectly did. Great Job! 
  
  I will "lurk" or comment on whatever I see fit. I come here time and time again hoping for a positive response to one of these questions where women just want their special day, not the day at the court house for circumstances beyond their control, or the backyard shindig their families threw together. If their husband and the wife want the big to do who are YOU to judge them?

  You are most kindly welcome. 
  
  I am sure all the women who chose to marry at a courthouse or host their reception in the backyard of someone's home will appreciate your judgmental attitude toward their weddings.  Now who is doing the judging?
  
  Let me guess.......YOU are having a vow renewal because getting married wasn't good enough for you?  YOU are free to celebrate with your time and your money in any way you see fit.  However, once you include even one guest, it no longer is just about you.  You have an obligation to host properly.
  
  If you want to comment on dead threads, by all means feel free to do so.  My point, had you not gotten so defensive, was that had you checked the date, you would have realized that no one will probably see/read your valuable comments.
  

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• Jells2dot0 mod

  

  August 2016

  I'm closing this down as a zombie.

  It's a bit humorous that someone who is so adamant that we not judge posters who want vow renewals is so judgy about courthouse and backyard weddings. Pot, meet kettle.

   

  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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