Honoring 'Previous' Best Friends?

Re: Honoring 'Previous' Best Friends?

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  August 2016

  Just so you know, FI doesn't have to know your BP members. If you don't want them to actually be in the BP, they could be readers if you are having readings done.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2016 edited August 2016

  Options to include people or have them feel special:
  - wedding party
  - reading at the ceremony
  - give them a corsage to wear
  - have the shower or bachelorette party planners invite them to these events (if someone is planning these)
  - give a toast at the reception (if they ask, don't ask/force them)
  
  but Most importantly......invite them as a guest. If you don't want to do any of the above, being a guest is a perfectly good way to honour and include them. 
  
  ETA: you can also ask the photographer to take some casual group shots of all of you at the reception together, or if you have a particular song that is special to you and those previous best friends, have the DJ play it at some point so you can all dance together. 

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• ernursej member

  

  August 2016

  Being asked to attend a wedding is already an honour. You can step that up by asking people to be in a wedding party, read a passage at your wedding or accept help IF they offer (toast, host a shower etc).

  Please do not make up weird roles to 'extra' include someone. I actually think it is more of an honour to be invited and not have to be in the wedding party. I get to wear what I want and do what I want and not spend any extra money.

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• levioosa member

  

  August 2016

  Ironring said:

  Options to include people or have them feel special:
  - wedding party
  - reading at the ceremony
  - give them a corsage to wear
  - have the shower or bachelorette party planners invite them to these events (if someone is planning these)
  - give a toast at the reception (if they ask, don't ask/force them)
  
  but Most importantly......invite them as a guest. If you don't want to do any of the above, being a guest is a perfectly good way to honour and include them. 
  
  ETA: you can also ask the photographer to take some casual group shots of all of you at the reception together, or if you have a particular song that is special to you and those previous best friends, have the DJ play it at some point so you can all dance together. 

  All of this.  But if you are looking for something that it is a made up role...it will come off more insulting than anything.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• CMGragain member

  

  August 2016 edited August 2016

  Knottie1471204694 said:

  Hi everyone! My fiance and I are newly engaged and we're having SO much fun starting to dream up ideas for the wedding! So far, the only part that is completely stressing me out is who to include and how.
  
  I am a very sentimental person and want to honor the people who have been unbelievably present in my life, even if we aren't as close now as we used to be. My thinking here is that some of these people have been my best and most cherished friends from preschool up to our mid-20s, (we're all 32 now) but life got in the way and we grew apart a bit (some moved, one is in the army, etc). I feel that just because we've had other things to focus on in the past 5 or so years doesn't detract from the 23 years of friendship before it.
  
  I don't believe this means they should be in the bridal party, especially because two of them barely even know my fiance, but I also feel that it's wrong for them to just be another face in the crowd.. they're far too important to me and to who I became as a person, even if life has taken us in different directions. Is there a way to have them feel just as special and included in the wedding without actually being in the bridal party?
  

  Yes, to the bolded.  Invite them to your wedding as guests.  This includes and honors them.
  

  

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• downtondiva member

  

  August 2016

  Just invite them to the wedding. That will show them that they matter to you. Honestly, I think asking them to do anything else only emphasizes that you're not as close as you once were, which is definitely not the message you want to send.

  
  

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• ei34 member

  

  August 2016

  BP members are your nearest and dearest, and it doesn't sound like these friends are (which is fine, relationships change over time). Being a guest is an honor too, but if you feel the need to distinguish them, a corsage or asking them to do a reading would be nice.

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• soontobemrsa-2 member

  

  August 2016

  Thank you!!! I think it's my guilt that wants to include them more than anything, and by reading your posts it became clear to me that is not a good reason to include someone in the wedding. You're all right, the honor is that I'm extending an invitation (but I will probably use the idea of playing an old song of ours and inviting them to the pre-wedding events). Thank you for being my voices of reason; this has been stressing me out because I'm imagining scorned faces in the crowd, but they're good people and will *hopefully* understand my decision.
  
  Thanks again

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2016

  Everyone covered it. But I would also add that if I were asked to have a special role in someone's wedding who I hadn't be close to in almost a decade I would think it was very odd. That would be a wedding I may/may not attend let alone want a special role in, KWIM? 

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  August 2016

  I had a friend who I didn't feel close enough to include in my wedding party, but she was for sure mentioned in the speech and invited to the wedding. I also made sure I wore a bracelet she had given me, not only was it a beautiful gift but it made her feel included {she said that to me after}
  
  Also, for the events she was invited to. Unfortunately she wasn't able to attend most of them due to work, but I wanted to be sure she was invited.

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• MaggieF1990 member

  

  August 2016

  If you want to, I think you could honor/recognize them without giving them a task. I recently went to an old friend and neighbor's wedding who I don't talk to much anymore, but we grew up next door to each other and my sister and I spent tons of time with her throughout our childhood. They had a slideshow running before the ceremony started that included a picture of the three of us, and she had their photographer take a picture of the three of us at the reception. It was nice but did not intrude on us enjoying her wedding as guests.

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• InLoveInQueens member

  

  August 2016

  southernbelle0915 said:

  Everyone covered it. But I would also add that if I were asked to have a special role in someone's wedding who I hadn't be close to in almost a decade I would think it was very odd. That would be a wedding I may/may not attend let alone want a special role in, KWIM? 

  There was someone who came in and insisted she wanted one bridesmaid from each ~period~ in her life, an elementary school friend, a middle school friend, a high school friend, and a college friend. Never mind that she wasn't close to any of those women anymore (I think), she had to have these people there for what they represent rather than choosing people she wanted to honor as a human being. It was bizarre and if I was one of those people I'd be super confused.

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• kahluakoala member

  

  August 2016

  I would echo PPs, there's no reason to give them a role besides "guest" when you're no longer very close. However, I don't think there's any harm in giving them a corsage.

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