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Paying the officiant

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
The pastor who is marrying us used to work at our church but no longer does. When we asked him, there was no mention of how much it would cost. I think I get the idea he would do it for free but not really sure about that. We both know him personally if that makes a difference. 

I've looked up how much is normal and most things I find online say to donate some money to the church. Well, he's no longer at that church so that doesn't make sense to me. I know I can ask him but I feel really awkward. 

Suggestions? I'm quite happy to pay, im definitely not trying to get out of it. 
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Re: Paying the officiant

  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
    He's apprenticing over a period of a year or two at various different churches. 
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    OurWildKingdom said:
    Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
    How much do you think? My thought is maybe $200 to either him or the organization he is currently apprenticing through (didn't think about that before, thanks!) and then a $100 gift card to a nice restaurant for him and his wife. Is that reasonable? Or should I suck it up and have the awkward conversation and ask? 
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    I don't have suggestions on amounts, but I like the idea of a gift card. 

    I can sympathize with not wanting to have an awkward conversation, but the only way to know is to ask.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Ironring said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
    He's apprenticing over a period of a year or two at various different churches. 
    If he is doing a lot of travelling on behalf of these churches, a practical gift could be a gasoline gift card.  I would also try to gift him something personal, such as the restaurant gift card mentioned above.

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would just put cash in an envelope and hand it to him.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ironring said:
    OurWildKingdom said:
    Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
    How much do you think? My thought is maybe $200 to either him or the organization he is currently apprenticing through (didn't think about that before, thanks!) and then a $100 gift card to a nice restaurant for him and his wife. Is that reasonable? Or should I suck it up and have the awkward conversation and ask? 
    I don't know where you're located, but this sounds perfect to me. Note that my area is pretty low as far as COL is concerned. If you're somewhere where things are more expensive, maybe up to double the amounts.
    image
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I'd hand him an envelope with $500 cash. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    I ask him outright what his regular fee than put that amount in cash, with a thank you note. I would imagine that a minister who is apprenticing in several churches might depend on these fees for bread and butter.

    My daughter's JOP charged $400 for one meeting to customize the ceremony, follow up call and actual ceremony, no rehearsal. Our area is moderately expensive. You should find out what the going rate is in your area if the friend won't give you a clue.
                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Alright. Thanks guys. I guess I do need to have that conversation. Hmmm....maybe FI can do it instead
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  • drglitterdrglitter member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We are being married by a local judge, who is FH's mother's best friend and has known FH since the day he was born.

    During one conversation about the wedding, we asked what her usual fee is, and she told us she didn't want to be paid. We asked if we could get them a hotel room for the wedding (which is about an hour from her home), and she said no.

    We're going to get her a gift card to a restaurant we know they like, and a thank you card.

    It really wasn't as awkward as you'd expect.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Just ask him.

     
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