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Forgot to send guests a save the date

Knottie1439145567Knottie1439145567 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello all! So, it recently came to my attention that I forgot to send a save the date to my great Aunt and Uncle, their kids, as well as their kids kids. I realized I forgot to send them a save the date when I got a save the date for one of the "kids kids" wedding. (OOPS!) I sent save the dates 5 months ago (we're getting married in Italy and things have to be planned far in advance) is it tacky to send them a save the date now? I'm not sure if they realized they never got one, I just know I realized I never sent one. We are sending formal invites in Jan, so do I just send them a formal and skip the save the date? Help!
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Re: Forgot to send guests a save the date

  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you are getting married in Italy, I would call and tell them personally. Apologize for the oversight.

    At the same time, if you forgot, are these people really close enough to invite? That's a pretty big oversight, an entire family for an overseas destination wedding. I'd be worried about looking gift grabby and only inviting them bc I received their invite.

    I'm assuming the wedding in March, so I'd personally reach out to them if you truly want them to attend. Otherwise I would just leave them off the guest list, as they were left of in the first place. 
    Knottie1439145567 said:
    Hello all! So, it recently came to my attention that I forgot to send a save the date to my great Aunt and Uncle, their kids, as well as their kids kids. I realized I forgot to send them a save the date when I got a save the date for one of the "kids kids" wedding. (OOPS!) I sent save the dates 5 months ago (we're getting married in Italy and things have to be planned far in advance) is it tacky to send them a save the date now? I'm not sure if they realized they never got one, I just know I realized I never sent one. We are sending formal invites in Jan, so do I just send them a formal and skip the save the date? Help!

    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1439145567 said:
    Hello all! So, it recently came to my attention that I forgot to send a save the date to my great Aunt and Uncle, their kids, as well as their kids kids. I realized I forgot to send them a save the date when I got a save the date for one of the "kids kids" wedding. (OOPS!) I sent save the dates 5 months ago (we're getting married in Italy and things have to be planned far in advance) is it tacky to send them a save the date now? I'm not sure if they realized they never got one, I just know I realized I never sent one. We are sending formal invites in Jan, so do I just send them a formal and skip the save the date? Help!
    OP, of more importance: are you or your fi EU citizens? It is hard to get married in Italy, so just checking that you are aware of this and manage all the paperwork. If you are asking people to go to Italy, you need to actually get married in Italy. Just checking you are aware of this rather than doing an Italian reinactment with your real legal wedding in your home country. 
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  • Knottie1439145567Knottie1439145567 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm well aware of all the things I need to do to get married in Italy. I've been planning this wedding for a year and have another year to go until the actual date. I have a planner who is physically in italy, who has informed me of all my options.
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  • Knottie1439145567Knottie1439145567 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    photokitty said:
    If you are getting married in Italy, I would call and tell them personally. Apologize for the oversight.

    At the same time, if you forgot, are these people really close enough to invite? That's a pretty big oversight, an entire family for an overseas destination wedding. I'd be worried about looking gift grabby and only inviting them bc I received their invite.

    I'm assuming the wedding in March, so I'd personally reach out to them if you truly want them to attend. Otherwise I would just leave them off the guest list, as they were left of in the first place. 
    Knottie1439145567 said:
    Hello all! So, it recently came to my attention that I forgot to send a save the date to my great Aunt and Uncle, their kids, as well as their kids kids. I realized I forgot to send them a save the date when I got a save the date for one of the "kids kids" wedding. (OOPS!) I sent save the dates 5 months ago (we're getting married in Italy and things have to be planned far in advance) is it tacky to send them a save the date now? I'm not sure if they realized they never got one, I just know I realized I never sent one. We are sending formal invites in Jan, so do I just send them a formal and skip the save the date? Help!

    It is a big oversight, but I live in a different state than they do and haven't seen them in 2 years, so when we were making our guest list, I was trying to make it small (since I realize traveling to Italy is a lot to ask) but now I'm afraid since I was invited to the "kids kid" destination wedding maybe they should have been invited? The wedding isn't until September of 2017, which is why I thought maybe a save the date wasn't too late to send out, but with a formal invite following in jan-feb, maybe I should just wait to send them that. I guess the real question is: How serious is a save-the-date?
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  • Knottie1439145567Knottie1439145567 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    STARMOON44 said:
    It's not too late to send a save the date! It's a year before your wedding. January, however, is much too early to send invitations, even for an overseas wedding. I'd send them no more than 3 months prior to the wedding. 
    I thought so too! But my planner said they should be sent out 8 months prior. Maybe I'll ask her again-sometimes the language barrier gets in the way lol 
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1439145567 said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    It's not too late to send a save the date! It's a year before your wedding. January, however, is much too early to send invitations, even for an overseas wedding. I'd send them no more than 3 months prior to the wedding. 
    I thought so too! But my planner said they should be sent out 8 months prior. Maybe I'll ask her again-sometimes the language barrier gets in the way lol 
    I totally agree eight months is way too early to send out a formal invitation especially since you sent out save the dates. If you really want this aunt, uncle and cousins to come, I'd make some phone calls and send them save the dates.
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  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
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    Knottie1439145567 said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    It's not too late to send a save the date! It's a year before your wedding. January, however, is much too early to send invitations, even for an overseas wedding. I'd send them no more than 3 months prior to the wedding. 
    I thought so too! But my planner said they should be sent out 8 months prior. Maybe I'll ask her again-sometimes the language barrier gets in the way lol 
    If there is a language barrier in play, I'd be willing to bet she intended to say 8 weeks and just got the words mixed up. 8 weeks is a standard time frame (although a bit earlier might be a good idea for a big destination wedding like this). 8 months, on the other hand, is way excessive. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Just send the STD(s) now- you're still a year out, which is a standard time frame to send a STD.

    Agreed that 8 months is WAY too early to send formal invitations, particularly when you are already sending STDs. I can see sending your invitations early if you are having a destination wedding, but when you are sending out STDs to your guests, they will already know the important information (date and location to book travel), thus a formal invitation send early doesn't add any more value.

    I would not send your invitations more than 12 weeks out, but even then, no reason you can't send them at a standard time frame of 6-8 weeks.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    SP29 said:
    Just send the STD(s) now- you're still a year out, which is a standard time frame to send a STD.

    Agreed that 8 months is WAY too early to send formal invitations, particularly when you are already sending STDs. I can see sending your invitations early if you are having a destination wedding, but when you are sending out STDs to your guests, they will already know the important information (date and location to book travel), thus a formal invitation send early doesn't add any more value.

    I would not send your invitations more than 12 weeks out, but even then, no reason you can't send them at a standard time frame of 6-8 weeks.
    In Europe it is common to do invites 3-4 months beforehand and rsvp 6-8 weeks before. Venues usually require numbers 4-6 weeks before.

    OP, I'm glad you have an Italian coordinator. As long as you are actually getting married and not "just doing the paperwork" in your home country with a "symbolic" Italian ceremony you should be good.

    Just email your family member, let them know of the oversight and that you would love to have them attend.
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  • kvrunskvruns member
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    Knottie1439145567 said:


    It is a big oversight, but I live in a different state than they do and haven't seen them in 2 years, so when we were making our guest list, I was trying to make it small (since I realize traveling to Italy is a lot to ask) but now I'm afraid since I was invited to the "kids kid" destination wedding maybe they should have been invited? The wedding isn't until September of 2017, which is why I thought maybe a save the date wasn't too late to send out, but with a formal invite following in jan-feb, maybe I should just wait to send them that. I guess the real question is: How serious is a save-the-date?
    it is only a big oversight if you had actually planned to invite them. Am I reading it wrong or had you not planned to invite them but now are going to because you received an invite to the kid's kid wedding? 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    Knottie1439145567 said:
    It is a big oversight, but I live in a different state than they do and haven't seen them in 2 years, so when we were making our guest list, I was trying to make it small (since I realize traveling to Italy is a lot to ask) but now I'm afraid since I was invited to the "kids kid" destination wedding maybe they should have been invited? The wedding isn't until September of 2017, which is why I thought maybe a save the date wasn't too late to send out, but with a formal invite following in jan-feb, maybe I should just wait to send them that. I guess the real question is: How serious is a save-the-date?
    it is only a big oversight if you had actually planned to invite them. Am I reading it wrong or had you not planned to invite them but now are going to because you received an invite to the kid's kid wedding? 

    That is how I read it also...and if that is the case, OP you don't have to invite them because you were invited to their "kids kids" wedding.  Wedding do not have to be tit for tat and you certainly can keep the list as is since they Didn't get a STD already.  It sounds more like you are inviting them more out of obligation that out of wanting them to be there (to me anyway!)

    You can send them a STD now, if you want to call them up and apologize that's fine, but being a year out this isn't really a big deal.  Invites shouldn't go out until at most 3 months before the wedding though!

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