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Customs and Traditions

Choosing a Bridal Party: Should I include my college best friend?

edited September 2016 in Customs and Traditions
I am in the process of choosing my bridal party and I am looking for advice. I would like to have a maximum of 5 people, since our wedding is small. So far, I know I have to have my sister, my brother and my best friend. I have 2 other close friends that I would love to include as well.
My worry is my best friend from college. Throughout college, we were SUPER close. After college, we fell apart and only really saw each other a few times a year. I hadn't really thought about including her in the party. However, we have been seeing each other a little bit more recently and I know she still considers me to be her best friend. I know it's ultimately who I want to have in the party but I don't want to ruin relationships either. 
The other thing is compatibility amongst the party. So far, my fiance and I have selected mutual friends (we're both close with each other's friends and have been since childhood) and our siblings. Right now, I think we'd have a really great time with our parties and it's great how everyone knows each other. I am worried that asking my college friend would throw it off since she doesn't know our friends that well. 
What do you think? I feel like a jerk even thinking these things! Did anybody else find it stressful having to analyze and evaluate friendships?! Ah!

Re: Choosing a Bridal Party: Should I include my college best friend?

  • The people that you choose to be in your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest. If you aren't that close with someone and it would be weird to have them thisclose to you and your wedding, just invite them as a guest. Being a guest is an honour already. Keep in mind that being in a wedding can be expensive and sometimes it is just nicer to not have to be part of that.

    Sides do not have to be even and the people don't have to know each other. The only expectations of a wedding party member are to show up (sober/relatively sober), in the agreed attire and be part of a few pictures. They are not required to host and/or attend any pre-wedding parties or functions. If you are thoughtful, you won't make your head table wedding party only so that those in your wedding party get to enjoy the rest of their evening with their significant other.

    When is your wedding? You may still have a lot of time to choose the people that you would like to include.

  • Thanks, ernursej! We are about a year away so I feel like we still have time to decide. I've just been putting this off and realizing now I need to start making decisions!

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2016
    Five bridesmaids are not a small wedding party.
    At my own wedding, My sister was MOH, and FSIL was a bridesmaid.  Of course, since they are family, I am still in touch with them.
    DH had two friends and his BIL as groomsmen.  He hasn't heard from either of his two friends for about 35 years.
  • I would not include this person. You are no longer close. It is also an honour to be invited as a guest.

    I had a MOH and BM. My BM I talk to much less now, as we live far apart and have different schedules, but that is OK. At the time I was married, she was one of my best friends. We may not be super close, but we didn't have a falling out, and I know if I ever needed to, I could call her up, or show up at her front door and say, "Hi!!!".
  • Wedding parties are about who you're closest to now, not when you were in college. If you have to question yourself that much about including this friend, then that means you probably shouldn't ask her. Just invite her as a guest and leave it at that. She may be disappointed, and she's allowed to feel that way, but it doesn't obligate you to include her as a bridesmaid.
  • My husband and I looked at it as: if we were having an immediate family-only wedding, who would be the friends that we would still want there? Who could we genuinely not imagine having at our wedding?

    I ended up with two bridesmaids, he ended up with four groomsmen (though we both started with more, and each had one person drop out). 

    Don't decide on the number of people in your wedding party first; decide on who you want in your wedding party then that's your number of people to ask. 

    As a sidenote, my bridesmaids only met the groomsmen the night before the wedding or at the actual wedding (my bridesmaids also had each only met my husband once before the week of the wedding!). There's no need for them to hang out, get along, etc. 
  • I'm not saying you should add her, but don't worry about the WP not knowing each other... I had my sister, cousin and two friends. My cousin had never met the two friends and it was no big deal. One of my husband's groomsmen was his cousin who lives overseas - he did not know any of the rest of the bridal party. Everyone got along great and had fun at the rehearsal and wedding.
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