Etiquette

Guests bringing a lot of children! How does that affect seating??

Hello!
I wanted to pose a question to you all and welcome your feedback.  We did the online RSVP thing, and for most of my family (so cousins w/ children for the most part) I included the number of kids they have plus the parents for the total # of people allowed to RSVP. So naturally, many or all of them are bringing all their kids. It ranges from 6 months to 15 years old. Luckily my caterer is awesome and won't charge me for anyone under 3. But I am wondering what kind of communication may be necessary when it comes to the seating arrangements b/c we are not providing high chairs as that is an additional rental. Is that ok and should I communicate that to the parents? Also, do we need to provide a place setting for kids under 3? Really in a jam-I guess I just thought most parents would welcome a night out without their kids and would find a babysitter! It is an open bar after all! 

On a similar note, my fiance's two groomsmen (we have a small bridal party) are both bringing ALL their children (5 between the two of them). I thought that was odd, as they are in the bridal party and I was hoping they'd want to be able to focus on the groom and the wedding, not having to watch out for their kids.

Let me know your thoughts-

Thank you!
*3 weeks till the wedding!*

Answers

  • jacques27 said:
    If you didn't want the kids, you shouldn't have invited them.  Not everyone is looking for a night out to drink.  It's not that odd/unusual for people to bring children who were invited. 

    You should have a seat for every body.  A one year old may not be sitting in the chair, but there will likely be a car seat or stroller or diaper bag or similar that will crowd the table if you don't provide adequate space.

    Personally, if it were me, I would suck it up and pay for the high chair/booster seat rental for your invited guests who are small children since you're paying for chairs for all your other invited guests.  If this were farther out from the wedding and you absolutely could not pinch another penny to afford it, then I would probably advise that this sort of information would be wedding website material.  However, with three weeks to go, I would probably call them up and just say that you wanted them to know there is space for everyone, but no high chairs or booster seats available so they can pack accordingly.

    SIB

    This!  When you invited these children, you become responsible for treating them with the same consideration as any other guest.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29cowgirl8238InLoveInQueensThisShamanluvsaMage
  • Hello!
    I wanted to pose a question to you all and welcome your feedback.  We did the online RSVP thing, and for most of my family (so cousins w/ children for the most part) I included the number of kids they have plus the parents for the total # of people allowed to RSVP. So naturally, many or all of them are bringing all their kids. It ranges from 6 months to 15 years old. Luckily my caterer is awesome and won't charge me for anyone under 3. But I am wondering what kind of communication may be necessary when it comes to the seating arrangements b/c we are not providing high chairs as that is an additional rental. Is that ok and should I communicate that to the parents? Also, do we need to provide a place setting for kids under 3? Really in a jam-I guess I just thought most parents would welcome a night out without their kids and would find a babysitter! It is an open bar after all! 

    On a similar note, my fiance's two groomsmen (we have a small bridal party) are both bringing ALL their children (5 between the two of them). I thought that was odd, as they are in the bridal party and I was hoping they'd want to be able to focus on the groom and the wedding, not having to watch out for their kids.

    Let me know your thoughts-

    Thank you!
    *3 weeks till the wedding!*
    Why on earth would you think that parents want to pay for a babysitter when their children are invited?  Babysitters are VERY expensive, and hard to find.
    If you didn't want children, you shouldn't have invited them.  Since you did invite them, it would be very rude of you to treat them as second class guests.  They are invited guests, just like the adults you invited. 
    You are obviously NOT a parent.
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    eileenrobSP29
  • Well, that didn't take long!  A dirty delete.  How rude!
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  • Apparently feedback was as welcome as she said it would be. 

    eileenrobHeffalumpmollybarker11PrettyGirlLost
  • Oh ffs! Why welcome feedback that you clearly don't want? Although I guess she's also invited quite a lot of guests that she doesn't want to attend either so it probably isn't that shocking.

    For the record, and just incase OP does come back to this thread, we had 5 kids - a 3yo and a 2 1/2 yo who both needed proper adult seats and who ate more food than a lot of the grown ups! Have you ever met a 2 1/2yo? They are little people, they need to be seated at the table.

    We also had two 18mo girls whose parents told us high chairs weren't necessary as they didn't want us to go to any trouble.....we hired them anyway since they cost about £5 and guess what - those chairs got used. The other child was 5wks old, he slept in a sling the whole time and didn't make a peep. 

    OP, you invited these people with their children. Why would you ever expect them not to come or that if they did you wouldn't have to provide for them? Once you invite people you have to accommodate for their needs, thats just how it works.
                 
    charlotte989875cowgirl8238HeffalumpPrettyGirlLost
  • If you don't want children at your wedding, don't invite them. 
    image
  • OP, if you are still lurking...regarding your high chair question. I posted a similar question awhile ago (you can search it if you want to see the responses). Anyways, I ended up waiting until the RSVPs came in and then contacted everyone who had a baby or a toddler. It ended up only being two people, so not that much work at all. One said she didn't need anything or even a space (planning to wear the baby) and the other said they would bring their own clip on high chair. Problem solved and much less stressful that anticipated. My point is, ask them. Maybe they have their own travel high chair. Maybe they are going to wear their baby. Maybe they just need a space to put the car seat. Or maybe they would like a high chair. 
    cowgirl8238Heffalumpernursej
  • If you have the option of renting high chairs, definitely get them.  And by place settings, if that's what'll hold their place at a table, then tell your caterer/venue they'll need them.  If my DH and I were invited to your wedding with our 2.5 yr old daughter and 15-mo old twins, we'd be in a bit of a bind if we got to our table and saw 5 adult chairs and 2 place settings.  It's totally fine to have a child-free wedding, but any invited guest should be properly accommodated.
    And after the ceremony, BP members are regular guests.  Why would your FI's groomsman need to focus their attention him?
    cowgirl8238charlotte989875PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • Ironring said:
    OP, if you are still lurking...regarding your high chair question. I posted a similar question awhile ago (you can search it if you want to see the responses). Anyways, I ended up waiting until the RSVPs came in and then contacted everyone who had a baby or a toddler. It ended up only being two people, so not that much work at all. One said she didn't need anything or even a space (planning to wear the baby) and the other said they would bring their own clip on high chair. Problem solved and much less stressful that anticipated. My point is, ask them. Maybe they have their own travel high chair. Maybe they are going to wear their baby. Maybe they just need a space to put the car seat. Or maybe they would like a high chair. 

    OP, if you check back in, this is good advice.  Odds are this won't be the first time these parents have gone anywhere with their kids, so they'll have a good idea of what they already have and what they might need.  And it will vary, so talk to them.

    And ditto PP: you didn't have to invite children, but once you did, you became responsible for accommodating them.  I'm another one scratching my head at why you would invite people and then be surprised that they're actually attending.

    mollybarker11
  • Heffalump said:
    Ironring said:
    OP, if you are still lurking...regarding your high chair question. I posted a similar question awhile ago (you can search it if you want to see the responses). Anyways, I ended up waiting until the RSVPs came in and then contacted everyone who had a baby or a toddler. It ended up only being two people, so not that much work at all. One said she didn't need anything or even a space (planning to wear the baby) and the other said they would bring their own clip on high chair. Problem solved and much less stressful that anticipated. My point is, ask them. Maybe they have their own travel high chair. Maybe they are going to wear their baby. Maybe they just need a space to put the car seat. Or maybe they would like a high chair. 

    OP, if you check back in, this is good advice.  Odds are this won't be the first time these parents have gone anywhere with their kids, so they'll have a good idea of what they already have and what they might need.  And it will vary, so talk to them.

    And ditto PP: you didn't have to invite children, but once you did, you became responsible for accommodating them.  I'm another one scratching my head at why you would invite people and then be surprised that they're actually attending.

    Add me to the list.   I guess I'm just silly thinking that if I get an invitation that includes my kids, you may actually WANT them there.

    It really depends on the parent but if I were to show up with my kids somewhere and there wasn't a high chair for my son (or some separate toddlerfied table that's low to the ground with low chairs), the dining experience would suck.     

    DD was pretty cool in a real chair by the time she was 3.

    But please understand that a high chair is as much about the child as it is about making the event enjoyable for the guests who DIDN'T bring kids.   
    cowgirl8238SP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    banana468 said:
    Add me to the list.   I guess I'm just silly thinking that if I get an invitation that includes my kids, you may actually WANT them there.

    It really depends on the parent but if I were to show up with my kids somewhere and there wasn't a high chair for my son (or some separate toddlerfied table that's low to the ground with low chairs), the dining experience would suck.     

    DD was pretty cool in a real chair by the time she was 3.

    But please understand that a high chair is as much about the child as it is about making the event enjoyable for the guests who DIDN'T bring kids.   
    My 8 month old would be grabbing at and in the dish in front of me if he had to sit in my lap, but if he's in a high chair next to me I get to eat and can feed him as well. I'd be super pissed if I showed up to a wedding with him that he was invited to and there was no place for him to sit.
    SP29PrettyGirlLostshort+sassy
  • What everyone else said but I think it's crappy that the venue is charging for high chairs...talk about nickel and diming!
    short+sassycowgirl8238
  • I know that the OP is already gone, but just for anyone else dealing with this issue:

    Ikea has really good high chairs for $20.  If you just need to get a few, it might be cheaper/easier to just buy them.  Then you can either resell them, donate them, or keep them if you plan on having kids.  

    I personally would prefer a high chair for my daughter.  Keeping her in my lap is not an option.  I think providing high chairs for those parents who want them is common courtesy.

    SaveSave
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    member
    Went to a wedding this weekend where several children were in attendance and zero high chairs. We ended up having to take turns eating so one of us could hold the baby.
  • I don't think highchairs would have been on my radar, but we had kids-free so it didn't matter anyway. I wonder if our venue would have asked if we needed any
  • Went to a wedding this weekend where several children were in attendance and zero high chairs. We ended up having to take turns eating so one of us could hold the baby.


    FYI, look into Ciao Baby. It's a portable highchair that folds up like a camping/beach chair.  We just leave it in the car and use it all over the place.  It's less germy than a restaurant highchair, and you can pull it out if you are someplace without a highchair available.


    HeffalumpDrillSergeantCat
  • kaos16 said:
    Went to a wedding this weekend where several children were in attendance and zero high chairs. We ended up having to take turns eating so one of us could hold the baby.


    FYI, look into Ciao Baby. It's a portable highchair that folds up like a camping/beach chair.  We just leave it in the car and use it all over the place.  It's less germy than a restaurant highchair, and you can pull it out if you are someplace without a highchair available.


    For older kids, we did the same with the OXO Tot Perch travel booster.  It was good when DS was older than high chair age, but we were staying someplace without booster seats (rental cabin, DVC villa, etc.).  We have the version w/o straps, but they sell a model with straps, too.

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    kaos16 said:


    FYI, look into Ciao Baby. It's a portable highchair that folds up like a camping/beach chair.  We just leave it in the car and use it all over the place.  It's less germy than a restaurant highchair, and you can pull it out if you are someplace without a highchair available.


    That's cool! 
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