How do I include 5 nieces/nephews in my wedding?

Re: How do I include 5 nieces/nephews in my wedding?

• charlotte989875 member

  

  October 2016

  Knottiea21a40519105fc1a said:

  My fiancé has five nieces/nephews and wants them all to be included in the bridal party as bridesmaids and groomsmen. They range in age from 8-13. I have never wanted a large bridal party, and I don't feel it's age appropriate for them to be in the official bridal party. Any ideas on how to include them without having them standing next to us? I don't want to give them little "eye-roll worthy" jobs... I want legitimate jobs that will make them feel as if they are really included.

  You can ask them to do a reading if they're able to. Or you could have the younger ones be flower girls or ring bearers. Other than BMs and GMs there are no other roles. 
  
  You can also make sure that you take photos with just them, get corsages or boutonnieres for them, or have them seated in the front of the ceremony. All signify they are honored guests without having them stand up with you. 
  
  Finally, who stands on your side is your decision to make. Just like who stands on his side is his decision to make. If you don't want them on your side then don't, if you want a small bridal party, that's your choice bid he wants them all he can have them on his side, but it's not okay for him to tell you they should be on yours. 

  Report5 Reply
• JaxInBlue member

  

  October 2016

  Five young people is quite a large number to include and you're right to think that little jobs like program person or guest book minder are JOBS not honors to bestow on your nieces and nephews.  So you're really left with more traditional roles.  They could all stand with your FI as groomswomen and groomsmen, which kind-of, sort-of, maybe just a little, would keep some of the big bridal party stress off you.  (As in, he's ultimately responsible for gifts, transport, communicating with parents, etc.)
  
  Other than that, they could do a reading or readings.  With five people, you could easily find two short readings and split them up.  If they are reasonably talented musically they could sing a song or perform a short musical prelude/interlude.  Depending on your ceremony, there could be other similar roles; for example, in a Catholic ceremony, in addition to readers and soloists, there are sometimes individuals involved in the presentation of the Communion gifts.
  
  Additionally, you could include them without traditionally including them.  You could get them each a small corsage or boutonniere and arrange to take a special photo of the 7 of you. This would be more like elevating them to the status of VIP guest.  They wouldn't be part of your party or ceremony, but would stand out a little bit.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report5 Reply
• Heffalump member

  

  October 2016

  Well, first off, your FI doesn't really get to dictate who stands up on your side.  So bridesmaid is off the table.  Agree with PP that if he wants them to all stand up on his side, then he can do that.  I get that you don't want a huge WP, but if these were 5 friends of his, I think we would all agree that it would be unfair of you to make him exclude some. 

  You are 100% right not to want to make up little bullshit jobs for them.  They are guests, not vendors.  Has he talked to their parents at all?  Having a kid (or 2 or 3) in a wedding party can be a lot of work, and they may just prefer to be guests and celebrate with you that way.  And for a lot of kids, getting dressed up and attending a nice event is honor enough, they don't need a title (real or imaginary) in order to enjoy themselves.

  Reader is a good option, along with doing a special group photo (as suggested above).

  �

  Report2 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2016

  If these kids are from your FI's side, then tell him that if he wants them in the wedding party, they can stand up with him and it's up to him what he wants them to do (provided that he doesn't assign them jobs--as you say, that's not appropriate) as groomsmaids, flower girls, or readers, but it's not up to him who is on your side.

  Report2 Reply
• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  October 2016

  Agree with PPs. If you are having a religious ceremony that would include an acolyte one of them could do that.

  Report1 Reply
• CMGragain member

  

  October 2016

  Knottiea21a40519105fc1a said:

  My fiancé has five nieces/nephews and wants them all to be included in the bridal party as bridesmaids and groomsmen. They range in age from 8-13. I have never wanted a large bridal party, and I don't feel it's age appropriate for them to be in the official bridal party. Any ideas on how to include them without having them standing next to us? I don't want to give them little "eye-roll worthy" jobs... I want legitimate jobs that will make them feel as if they are really included.

  Yes.  You invite them as guests.  You have them sit with their parents in the family reserved seats.  This is an honor.  We see lots of "no kids" weddings.
  You might have a special kids' dance at the reception.  Great photo op, especially if you and your FI join in!  (Golden mouldies like "YMCA" work well with kids.)
  

  

  Report3 Reply
• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2016

  Everyone has given you some solid advice on this subject.  You do not have to include these nieces/nephews on YOUR side, but if your FH wants them to be in the WP they can be on his side.

  Ways to honor them include: FG/RB for younger children, Readers for older children, or guests.

  I do like the idea of a "kids dance" as suggested above.

  Less obvious but still an honor:  Mention them in the programs if you have one, give them flowers, take some photos with them specifically, have them "get ready" with you guys if you would like. 

  I think this is a good place for you both to come together and compromise on a solution.  Also make sure that whatever you decide, you clear with the parents before you ask the children.

  Report0 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  October 2016

  I wanted my 7 nieces and nephews in our wedding (ages 6-13).  I guess i'm lucky, because my DH never questioned my 2 nephews  being GM's.    He knew it was important to me, so he made it important to him.
  
  The kids showed up wearing the attire that was chosen.  They walked down the aisle with the adult WP members.  They took pictures, just like the adults.  
  
  If you are dead set on them not being on your side, then they can be on his side.  NDB.
  
  
  It should be noted that while we had girls on one side, boys on the other.  The WP was picked but the both of us.   We thought of them as OUR wedding party, not mine and yours.    I know we are in the minority on this way of thinking.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report0 Reply
• flantastic member

  

  November 2016

  lyndausvi said:

  I wanted my 7 nieces and nephews in our wedding (ages 6-13).  I guess i'm lucky, because my DH never questioned my 2 nephews  being GM's.    He knew it was important to me, so he made it important to him.
  
  The kids showed up wearing the attire that was chosen.  They walked down the aisle with the adult WP members.  They took pictures, just like the adults.  
  
  If you are dead set on them not being on your side, then they can be on his side.  NDB.
  
  
  It should be noted that while we had girls on one side, boys on the other.  The WP was picked but the both of us.   We thought of them as OUR wedding party, not mine and yours.    I know we are in the minority on this way of thinking.

  I don't have an issue with it being a wedding party that is yours collectively, but then to me it really doesn't make any more sense to maintain having a separation of boys and girls.

  Report1 Reply