Only wedding party to rehearsal dinner?

Re: Only wedding party to rehearsal dinner?

• SaintPaulGal member

  

  December 2016

  Nope.  There is no need to invite anyone beyond your wedding party and their dates.  The rehearsal dinner exists to thank them for taking the time to do the run through with you.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  December 2016

  Knottie10724897 said:

  I have seen in previous posts that proper etiquette is to invite anyone that had to travel to the rehearsal dinner. However, everyone has to travel for our wedding as it is a destination wedding. It is in the state we live in, but requires most people to drive for 2-4 hours. We have been planning to just do a cookout at a house our parents are renting - very laid back and casual. Our wedding party and their significant others are invited, and then our immediate families of course (our parents & our siblings). We are paying for the wedding ourselves and are not really in the position to throw a huge party to cover food and booze the night before the wedding in addition to the reception. We have been to a couple of these casual cookout rehearsal dinners and love the idea of just doing a small cookout with the wedding party and our immediate family. Our plan after the cookout is to let everyone know we'll be at a bar at the resort and people can come join us if they wish.
  Are we totally breaking protocol by not inviting everyone who traveled (which is literally everybody)? 

  The only people the need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner are the people that are involved in the rehearsal and their SOs. Anything above and beyond that is optional. 

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• ei34 member

  

  December 2016

  Nope, you're fine. H and I hosted 12 people at our home for pizza, pasta and wine for our RD.  As long as you've invited immediate family, WP members, and the SOs of any of them, and you provide enough food appropriate to the time of day, you're fine.  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  December 2016

  No, the only people who need to be invited to a rehearsal dinner are the immediate family members, wedding party members, and their SOs-even for a destination wedding. You're fine.

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• ahoywedding member

  

  December 2016

  I think the etiquette most places is to just include WP, SOs (and family if anyone in your WP is a minor). Make sure those people are invited and you're good!
  
  My FILs are including all OOT family for our RD because I guess that's maybe an old-timey Southern thing? I was confused at first because I'd only ever attended the RD previously as part of the WP.

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  December 2016

  ahoywedding said:

  I think the etiquette most places is to just include WP, SOs (and family if anyone in your WP is a minor). Make sure those people are invited and you're good!
  
  My FILs are including all OOT family for our RD because I guess that's maybe an old-timey Southern thing? I was confused at first because I'd only ever attended the RD previously as part of the WP.

  Back in the day people were not very transient and married someone local.  In the rare event someone did travel to a wedding it was a huge deal and people would extend an invite to the OOT guest for traveling.
  
  Some families still extend such invites.   It's very common (if not always) in  my social circle, but it's not a requirement at all.
  
    Our wedding was 100% OOT for all guests and we invited everyone to an open house at the rental.   It was just booze (which we bought) and light snacks.  It didn't cost us a lot.
  
  I LOVED seeing everyone the night before the wedding.  It gave use more time to thank our guests for traveling to the wedding.  I like the idea of telling people where to meet up after the RD.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• SP29 member

  

  December 2016

  I would say that it is tradition to invite OOT guests to the RD (for the reasons lyndausvi stated above). But the purpose of the RD is to thank those who attended your rehearsal, thus etiquette states only those involved in the rehearsal need to be invited (with their SOs, as the RD is a social event).
  
  And different than etiquette, traditions change. Where once OOT guests were very seldom, now they are much more common, thus inviting OOT guests to the RD may be unreasonable (i.e. where you are inviting your entire guest list to the RD). Not that you couldn't, if you wanted to, but then you're getting into the realm of a welcome dinner/party.
  
  A casual RD is just fine. You must thank those who participated with food and drink appropriate to the time of day- what you actually serve and where, is up to you. We had our RD at my grandparent's apartment. My parents + SOs (divorced parents) and grandparents provided the meal. We invited WP + SOs, immediate family and two OOT guests who were staying at my mom's house at the time.
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  December 2016

  Some people like to and can afford to invite all their OOT guests, but it's not a requirement, as PPs have said. We invited all of ours because it was only a few people. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• short+sassy member

  

  December 2016

  Keep in mind also that, if you don't have a rehearsal, you don't need a rehearsal dinner anyway.  Most couples and their WP don't need a rehearsal.  I usually think of the R and following RD as a fun way to get together with a smaller, closer group of people the day or two before the wedding.

  But if finances are tight and you all would prefer to just ixnay the whole rehearsal, that's fine.

  Caveat:  If you do have a rehearsal, than you do need a rehearsal dinner for the WP.  You can't just ixnay the dinner part. 

  

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• lovesclimbing member

  

  December 2016 edited December 2016

  Beyond the wedding party, you should invite anyone else who participated in the rehearsal. Readers and singers if you have them. Potentially the officiant (although they may decline, and I tend to think you don't have to if they're a paid vendor as opposed to, say, your pastor or a friend). Also grandparents and parents if they rehearse being part of the procession. 
  

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