Find your boundaries and stick to them.

mrsconn23 · December 2016

Dear Prudence,
My brother and I were raised by our wonderful single mother, and we’re both really close to her. Both of us go to college across the country from where our mom lives, and I know she’s been really lonely having us gone. This weekend, she announced that she’s moving to our city. I love my mom, but I really don’t want that. I came this far to find my independence and I’ll never do that with my mom nearby, especially in the small city we’re in. She’s also pretty strict and I’m worried I won’t be able to have fun or enjoy college knowing my mom is blocks away. What rights do I have to tell her not to move here? For what it’s worth, my brother thinks it’s a great idea and is excited to be able to see her every day.

—Mom Is Following Me

MissKittyDanger · December 2016

Boundaries are a start, but guidelines might help as well. Let her know you both have different lives where you are now, and would like her to respect that.

DrillSergeantCat · December 2016

I don't think you really have any rights to tell her not to move, but you can stress that you're extremely busy with school and extracurriculars and won't be able to see her all the time. However, just because you live in the same city doesn't mean that she'll have any control over you.

banana468 · December 2016

I'm not sure how much control you think mom will have being blocks away. We grew up two doors down from my aunt and uncle and we didn't know the goings on of their home.

Just maintain strong boundaries. I highly doubt that you'll find yourself in the same places as mom all the time.

short+sassy · December 2016

I would also talk to mom about her motivations. From what I'm picking up, both sons are in COLLEGE...in a small town. Probably not their "forever city" for either one. Both of them will probably be moving again when they are out of school in a few years.

So, what happens then? Mom will move again also? That's just wacky. I'd point that out, if I were him. Suggest she hold off on moving to be close to one/both of them until they are more settled in their lives.

But definitely set expectations ahead of time, if she still decides to move.

charlotte989875 · December 2016

I agree with @short+sassy, have a conversation before the move about what expectations both of you have (maybe dinner once a week, no dropping by unannounced, that you don't plan to live there forever). But you can't tell a grown adult not to move somewhere. She's free to do as she wishes, but LW also needs to adult here and set boundaries with her life.

cowgirl8238 · December 2016

I think LW is free to be as independent as he wants to be. He should definitely have a conversation with his mom and discuss what she is expecting and what they both feel is reasonable.

I am slightly concerned that this woman wants to move into their college town though...makes me wonder what is going on that they can't stay apart for a while.

short+sassy · December 2016

I have a "parents moving to college town" story, though thankfully it's not creepy and makes perfect sense, lol.

My parents were really good friends with one of my HS friends' parents. We all lived in CA at the time. He ended up going to University of Illinois. He and his parents decided it would be a good investment for all of them to go in on buying a nice house and then their son would rent out the other rooms.

Obviously, his parents went out to visit him numerous times during his schooling. They ended up loving Champaigne-Urbana and decided that, when he graduated and left for his first job, they were going to retire, buy out his share of the house, and move in, lol. That was exactly what they did and they've been living there happily ever since.

Another positive was their son stayed in the Midwest, so now everyone is within a few hours drive of each other.

ShesSoCold · December 2016

short+sassy said:

I have a "parents moving to college town" story, though thankfully it's not creepy and makes perfect sense, lol.
My parents were really good friends with one of my HS friends' parents. We all lived in CA at the time. He ended up going to University of Illinois. He and his parents decided it would be a good investment for all of them to go in on buying a nice house and then their son would rent out the other rooms.
Obviously, his parents went out to visit him numerous times during his schooling. They ended up loving Champaigne-Urbana and decided that, when he graduated and left for his first job, they were going to retire, buy out his share of the house, and move in, lol. That was exactly what they did and they've been living there happily ever since.
Another positive was their son stayed in the Midwest, so now everyone is within a few hours drive of each other.

This is my actual face reading the bolded. I don't understand.

Yeah it doesn't matter if Mom is 5 minutes or 5 hours away, boundaries are important. LW needs to have a conversation with Mom and let her know that there won't be daily lunches or stopping by to do laundry.

MissKittyDanger · December 2016

Re reading this {as I tend to do during day} and I just think that the mother is lonely and doesn't have much of a life of her own {not to be rude}

I lived a 5min walk from my mum, and didn't see her daily - or even weekly sometimes - because she had a life, she knew I had a life and we both worked separate hours. I think LW and sibling will need to help the mother learn how to "get out there" and create a new life for herself.

short+sassy · December 2016

ShesSoCold said:

short+sassy said:

I have a "parents moving to college town" story, though thankfully it's not creepy and makes perfect sense, lol.
My parents were really good friends with one of my HS friends' parents. We all lived in CA at the time. He ended up going to University of Illinois. He and his parents decided it would be a good investment for all of them to go in on buying a nice house and then their son would rent out the other rooms.
Obviously, his parents went out to visit him numerous times during his schooling. They ended up loving Champaigne-Urbana and decided that, when he graduated and left for his first job, they were going to retire, buy out his share of the house, and move in, lol. That was exactly what they did and they've been living there happily ever since.
Another positive was their son stayed in the Midwest, so now everyone is within a few hours drive of each other.

This is my actual face reading the bolded. I don't understand.
Yeah it doesn't matter if Mom is 5 minutes or 5 hours away, boundaries are important. LW needs to have a conversation with Mom and let her know that there won't be daily lunches or stopping by to do laundry.

LMAO, I went there once to visit. I thought it was a perfectly lovely town. Though I was only there in the early summer.

It was fun to see trees that weren't palm trees.

mrsconn23 · December 2016

short+sassy said:

ShesSoCold said:

short+sassy said:

I have a "parents moving to college town" story, though thankfully it's not creepy and makes perfect sense, lol.
My parents were really good friends with one of my HS friends' parents. We all lived in CA at the time. He ended up going to University of Illinois. He and his parents decided it would be a good investment for all of them to go in on buying a nice house and then their son would rent out the other rooms.
Obviously, his parents went out to visit him numerous times during his schooling. They ended up loving Champaigne-Urbana and decided that, when he graduated and left for his first job, they were going to retire, buy out his share of the house, and move in, lol. That was exactly what they did and they've been living there happily ever since.
Another positive was their son stayed in the Midwest, so now everyone is within a few hours drive of each other.

This is my actual face reading the bolded. I don't understand.
Yeah it doesn't matter if Mom is 5 minutes or 5 hours away, boundaries are important. LW needs to have a conversation with Mom and let her know that there won't be daily lunches or stopping by to do laundry.

LMAO, I went there once to visit. I thought it was a perfectly lovely town. Though I was only there in the early summer.
It was fun to see trees that weren't palm trees.

I spent a week in the summer there at their music camp from 5th-10th grade. I love the campus and it's a 'special' place to me (because it was the best week of the summer those years), but I live in the midwest and I've been to CA...so I'm not seeing the appeal.

Find your boundaries and stick to them.

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