Therapy, therapy, and more therapy.
My father died two years ago from complications due to alcoholism. It was a long time coming, and I lived on the other side of the country and did not want to deal with the daily aspects of his care. My mom took care of him as he died but only in the most cursory ways—feeding and housing him. In all other ways she seemed to hate him: freezing him out and ignoring him when he spoke. I firmly believe that my mom should have left him, and it makes me angry at her for staying with him and enabling his alcoholism. I am having a lot of trouble talking to my mom now. I feel angry every time we speak. I currently can’t afford counseling, so my only strategy is to avoid her and wait out my feelings, which since my dad’s death have wavered between clinginess, distance, annoyance, and anger. Should I talk to her knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be receptive, and that this might be best worked out in counseling? Should I wait for my feelings to change on their own?