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Wedding 911

Delay my wedding for another?

This is more of an etiquette question I guess, but I'd like some real advice. I was engaged in October and my cousin got engaged in September. They are planning to have a long engagement (most likely Summer 2018). They are both recently graduated from university, starting their lives together and starting to save for their wedding and to buy a house. They have been together about 8 years. My fiance and I, on the other hand, have been together just over a year and a half, own a home together and have our wedding money all saved up. We've known each other a couple years before getting together. My cousin is 3 years younger than I am. Anyways, my aunt is being very vocal about the fact that we would like to get married this year (likely September 2017) and she thinks this is totally unacceptable as we have not been together as long as they have been and they were engaged before we were. She has told several family members that we should give them their special time and wait at least 6 months after their wedding to start announcing and planning ours. I am not willing to wait and don't think I should have to wait. I have asked my cousin if she minds and have not had an answer, am I being unreasonable? I don't want to take away any fanfare for her, but I don't think I should have to wait and I think I deserve to have the wedding when I want.

Re: Delay my wedding for another?

  • If your aunt is offended that you're getting married before your cousin, then she can stay home the day of your wedding. Do not change your plans.
  • Your aunt is acting idiotic.

    Engagement date does not matter. Financial status does not matter. Length of relationship does not matter. Age of couple does not matter.

    They want to get married Summer 2018, you want to get married Autumn 2017, your aunt wants an unrealistic amount of attention paid to her daughter. Two of these three things can easily happen.

  • Oh hell no! That is RIDICULOUS to expect you to wait 6 months after summer of 2018- that will not be until winter of 2018/2019!

    It doesn't matter how long you've been together, how long you've been engaged or your financial status (except that it is smart of your cousin to have a long engagement to save up money). If it was SO important to your aunt for your cousin to get married first, she can foot the wedding bill so her daughter can get married THIS summer.

    You each get one day. Your cousin doesn't get 18 months of undivided attention (and even if you weren't getting married, no one would give her that much attention anyway- everyone has their own life to live).

    Sure, it would be considerate of you to think of your family and not plan two weddings in the same month, or a month apart, but with your current plans there is almost a year difference between the dates. NO- you don't have to wait for your cousin to get married first!
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Stick around and ask us any questions you may have as you plan!
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Doesn't Aunt realize that cousin will get this apparently mandatory 6 months of all eyes on her if you get married in Sept 2017 and cousin waits until Summer 2018?  No one at her wedding will be saying, You're next, etc to you - potentially taking eyes off of bride (gasp!).  But special snowflake cousin will probably hear that a lot during your wedding!

    And I honestly wouldn't even reach out to cousin.  There is nothing to talk about. 

  • Others have it covered.

    But UGH. Why is she raining on your parade? She needs a hobby.

  • This is absolutely ridiculous.
    I have been with H since 2011, got engaged in November 2014, and got married June 2016. My best friend met her husband in December 2014, got engaged in October 2015, and got married in September 2016. I guess I should have thrown a fit because they were not together nearly as long as H and I, and they got married 3 months after us *gasp* (actually, it was fun having someone else getting married around the same time so we both had someone to throw ideas off of and who didn't get tired of talking about weddings
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I knew someone like this and I thought she was the most selfish idiot for thinking life would stop for everyone else just because she got engaged.  Ignore your aunt and cousin, don't talk to them about wedding stuff, and enjoy dress shopping! 

  • When it comes to weddings people love to imagine new etiquette rules up in their head I have noticed. One of the most popular of these imagined rules has to do with everyone putting their lives on hold once a couple is engaged. To these special snowflakes this can mean no one else is to get engaged, married, get pregnant, or give birth to a baby between the words "Will you marry me?" and "I do".... and probably everything should be held off for a good week or two after the wedding just in case.

    I blame it on a culture where everyone thinks their "feelings" are always valid and must be accommodated for simply because they are feeling them.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2017
    She gets ONE DAY.
    You get ONE DAY.
    As long as it is not the same day, no problem.
    Tell your Mom to stop talking to Auntie.  A little silence will be good for her.
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