Wedding Woes

You need a lawyer, not prudie.

Dear Prudence,
I am a divorced mom with legal custody of my children. Their father was abusive to me, with one incident that involved the children, but otherwise has been a decent father. He has visitation on Wednesday nights as well as every other weekend. I’m finally graduating college this year and am looking at graduate schools. Co-parenting is a farce in our situation as my ex-husband is a very difficult person. I grit my teeth and respond pleasantly most of the time. My question is whether or not it is fair of me to potentially move out-of-state with my children. Being that my ex is so difficult, extremely demanding, manipulative, and emotionally unstable, could it be for the best if I do move? Is it fair to my children?

—Out of State

Re: You need a lawyer, not prudie.

  • I'm guessing there are already stipulations in their custody agreement about that kind of thing.  If she moved, she'd probably be looking at having to send the kids to him for a long period of time over the summer (maybe).

    This guy might be the worst, but even she admits he is a decent father.  He has a right to see his children and I'm betting his children are better off having him in their lives also.

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  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited February 2017
    yeah, there is that caveat that 'if this dude moves you in and gives up his kids for that, he's an asshole, BTW'

    ^ACK, sorry,merging letters.
    Ignore that.
  • I'm guessing there are already stipulations in their custody agreement about that kind of thing.  If she moved, she'd probably be looking at having to send the kids to him for a long period of time over the summer (maybe).

    This guy might be the worst, but even she admits he is a decent father.  He has a right to see his children and I'm betting his children are better off having him in their lives also.

    When I read the letter is sounds like LW is trying to be nice by saying he is a good father.  Most of her letter casts a rather negative light on the Ex-Husband...either way though, I agree that whatever custody documents were drawn up she needs to read them and determine her options.  I doubt she will be able to just take them away from the dad indefinitely.
  • I'm guessing there are already stipulations in their custody agreement about that kind of thing.  If she moved, she'd probably be looking at having to send the kids to him for a long period of time over the summer (maybe).

    This guy might be the worst, but even she admits he is a decent father.  He has a right to see his children and I'm betting his children are better off having him in their lives also.

    I don't necessarily agree with the bolded. LW says that he's been abusive to her, and that there was one incident that involved the children. To me, that doesn't sound like a decent father or someone that I would want my children around. He has a right to see them per the custody agreement but that doesn't mean they're better off having him in their lives. 

    That being said, there is most likely wording in their custody agreement that says if she can or can't but that's for a lawyer, not Prudie.
  • I'm guessing there are already stipulations in their custody agreement about that kind of thing.  If she moved, she'd probably be looking at having to send the kids to him for a long period of time over the summer (maybe).

    This guy might be the worst, but even she admits he is a decent father.  He has a right to see his children and I'm betting his children are better off having him in their lives also.

    I don't necessarily agree with the bolded. LW says that he's been abusive to her, and that there was one incident that involved the children. To me, that doesn't sound like a decent father or someone that I would want my children around. He has a right to see them per the custody agreement but that doesn't mean they're better off having him in their lives. 

    That being said, there is most likely wording in their custody agreement that says if she can or can't but that's for a lawyer, not Prudie.

    I definitely hear that, but I was going with the facts we have.  Which are already going to be slanted to the LW, because she is the one telling the story.

    1) She says he is a decent father.

    2) She is worried about the effect moving away will have on her children.  Which tells me she thinks moving her kids away from their father will be a negative effect.

    3) He already has what seems to be unsupervised visitation, granted by the courts.

    My take from that is the LW wants the ex in her kid's life and the courts have determined the same thing by granting him visitation.  So he is going to have a right to see them.

    And big yes to the title post, lol.  I don't know why she is writing Prudie when the only sane advice is "you need a lawyer."

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  • Who's to say she wasn't a complete beotch to the guy and emotionally abusive towards him he snapped at her (I've just heard too many of these stories too)...  I'm not making the guy a saint, but "Father's Rights".  I know far too many great Dads that things just didn't work between the parents and it was best they split (and both really said the other was emotionally abusive).  It should already be worked out what the plan is if one moves OOA, and if she's too stupid to figure out she needs to talk to her attorney, or work with the Dad, there's bigger issues.  
  • It is worth thinking of such man who does not treat you well. Talking to a lawyer is the only best option as he/she may guide you with all the legal proceedings. A lawyer does not only deals with the legal matters, but also acts as a counselor. To hire a good lawyer to try out some informative posts and blogs.
    @KnotRiley vendor alert!
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