Low-Key, Casual Friends-Only Engagement Pub Crawl

Re: Low-Key, Casual Friends-Only Engagement Pub Crawl

• geebee908 member

  

  February 2017

  alliepmeek said:

  Hi All,
  
  My fiance and I got engaged 12/26 and we want to have a pub crawl on 4/1 (1pm-into the night) where friends, coworkers, etc are invited to come and go as they please throughout the day, based on their schedule. No pressure and very casual! 
  
  We have a small budget and can't invite a lot of friends/coworkers to the actual wedding and thought this would be a great idea. Our family doesn't live near us so I thought it would be fine for friends only and just make a facebook event.  We probably wouldn't announce it as an engagement party, but more like - "we're engaged, we love you all and want to see you and have fun and celebrate"
  
  What are everyone's thoughts on this? I've heard you're not supposed to throw anything for yourself or invite people to engagement bashes that aren't invited to the wedding...

  As soon as you mention you want to celebrate your engagement, it becomes a pre-wedding party and you can only invite those you plan to invite to the wedding. Just stick to "We'd love to see you and want to have fun, so we're planning to be at these bars at these times on x date. If you can join us at any point on x date, we'd love to hang out."
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  February 2017 edited February 2017

  alliepmeek said:

  Hi All,
  
  My fiance and I got engaged 12/26 and we want to have a pub crawl on 4/1 (1pm-into the night) where friends, coworkers, etc are invited to come and go as they please throughout the day, based on their schedule. No pressure and very casual! 
  
  We have a small budget and can't invite a lot of friends/coworkers to the actual wedding and thought this would be a great idea. Our family doesn't live near us so I thought it would be fine for friends only and just make a facebook event.  We probably wouldn't announce it as an engagement party, but more like - "we're engaged, we love you all and want to see you and have fun and celebrate"
  
  What are everyone's thoughts on this? I've heard you're not supposed to throw anything for yourself or invite people to engagement bashes that aren't invited to the wedding...

  You are correct about the last bit.  You should not be throwing yourself an engagement party or any other pre-wedding celebrations, and, if you do, you must pick up the tab for guests.  I am guessing that this nixes the pub crawl idea.
  
  You are describing an engagement party in your second paragraph.  Engagement parties are not necessary.  Lots of people don't have them.  You shouldn't invite people to an engagement party who will not be invited to your wedding.
  
  I would urge you to stay off of Facebook and other social media for wedding plans.  We see a lot of drama caused by Facebook announcements and invitations.  It is OK to change your status, though, as long as you have already told family members personally.
  
  After your wedding is over, you can plan a nice party for friends who were not invited to your wedding.  It will not be a part of your wedding, so no problem.  You can show off your photos and your new wedding ring.  An open house is a good plan.
  

  

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• SP29 member

  

  February 2017

  I think it's fine to plan a pub crawl and invite your friends and co-workers, but I would not make any mention of your wedding or engagement.
  
  While you are out, it will for sure come up in conversation, so of course you can talk about getting engaged, but I would not go into this thinking it's a way to celebrate your upcoming wedding with people you can't invite- because it isn't. You're not inviting them to your wedding, and you're not hosting them at this party. Which is fine! No one is owed an invitation and there is nothing wrong with a "Hey friends! Let's do a pub crawl April 1st! We'll plan the stops!".
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  February 2017

  OP, we can help you plan a lovely wedding where you can afford to invite more people.  A wedding doesn't really need to cost a huge amount of money if you can be flexible with your plans.  Start a new  thread over in budget weddings.  State your budget and your dream guest list.  It may be possible.
  

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2017

  As PPs have explained, once you make this about your engagement, it turns into a pre-wedding festivity. And that means every person you've invited needs to be invited to the wedding as well. Just invite friends to a pub crawl for a hang out. 
  
  Also, if you're not inviting these people to your wedding, you really shouldn't be discussing it in front of them. That's really tacky. Most people understand that you can't invite every single person you know to your wedding. I didn't invite any co-workers, for example. And I didn't discuss my wedding plans at work. 

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  February 2017 edited February 2017

  I agree with the others - it's fine to get folks together for a pub crawl, but if you describe it as a celebration of your engagement it's an engagement party whatever the event title may be. I was going to say that if you're recently engaged people will likely congratulate & ask you about it anyway, but I see that it will have been a few months so they have probably already done so!
  
  CMGragain's suggestion of an open house after your wedding is a good option. It would not be wedding-related, just think of it as the first party you host as a married couple. If it's your guests' first time seeing you since the wedding/honeymoon they will likely congratulate & ask you about it. By letting it come up naturally you avoid "making it about you", as it were.

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