Choreographed Dance....WWTKD?

Re: Choreographed Dance....WWTKD?

• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  JediElizabeth said:

  A handful of my guests have informed me that they will be choreographing a dance for our wedding. None of them are trained dancers, though they're very enthusiastic (to say the least). For the most part, they're some of my best friends (one in the bridal party), and more like family than actual family.
  
  I obviously did not ask for this...it was something of a surprise when I was told, and I suspect it was supposed to be a complete surprise that one of them let slip.
  
  I'm flattered, and generally would encourage them to do whatever they want, as long as they're enjoying themselves. But I'm wondering if the rest of my guests are going to be side-eyeing this, and if that's ok for one dance (there are plenty of other rooms in the venue where they can go to get drinks or find a table to chat at in the meantime, if they're really that against it).
  
  What would TK do? Would you let your friends have their fun in your honor? Or would you shut it down, and how?

  Honestly? Probably some will side eye this and wonder why in the world it was happening. I would. 
  
  If it were me I'd probably try and talk to my friends and ask if they really were planning to do it, and I might try and convince them not too. I'd politely tell them I really loved their enthusiasm, but that it might make some of my other guests uncomfortable (or in my case I would say it would make my H uncomfortable, because he would hate a choreographed dance).
  
  Sure you other guests can get up, walk around, go to the bar, etc but it's still something the majority of your guests are excluded from, and that's not a good plan for any event. 

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• ernursej member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  I would politely decline this in the name of comfort for the rest of the guests. Appreciate the thought and if it must be done and all of these people are coming to the rehearsal dinner, perhaps that could be a compromise.

  Choreographed dances when not representative of the bride and groom and not done by trained dancers just give me the willies.

  **If it might become sticky to decline, ask for it to be done at the end of the evening when the guests will have decreased.

  Edit for an extra idea of late night entertainment

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  March 2017

  It's a sweet idea, but your instinct that your other guests will probably side-eye it is correct. As @ernursej suggested, maybe they can do it at the end of the reception. An alternative would be for them to record it, and you can play it in the background during dinner or save the recording to watch later.

  

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• downtondiva member

  

  March 2017

  What I would side-eye about this as a guest is that it would force people to get off the dance floor. I'm not a fan of that at weddings unless it's because I'm about to get cake. I can tell you that there were a lot more people dancing at my wedding than I expected, and I doubt they would have appreciated having to leave the dance floor to watch some choreographed thing. And while it is certainly okay for your other guests to get up and do other things while that is going on, a lot of them may still feel like they are stuck watching, or like they are being rude if they don't pay attention. 
  
  Before your friends go any further with this, I'd (gently) tell them either that you'd prefer if they didn't do it, or if they really want have their hearts set on it, ask them to wait until the end of the reception when there will be fewer people around, as PP's have suggested. If they are truly doing this for you and FI, they shouldn't care if there aren't too many people around to see it. 

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2017

  I would thank the friends but remind them that the reception is not an episode of Dancing With The Stars and ask them to forgo the choreographed dance or save it for another occasion that's more private.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2017

  Jen4948 said:

  I would thank the friends but remind them that the reception is not an episode of Dancing With The Stars and ask them to forgo the choreographed dance or save it for another occasion that's more private.

  Yup, this is where I'm at. 

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  March 2017

  Thanks everyone! I'm going to tall to FI and think about the nicest way to have this conversation, but you've definitely confirmed my instincts. 

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