"Kits" for the kids in our party....

Re: "Kits" for the kids in our party....

• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  Knottie90369708 said:

  So we have four kids in our wedding. 
  
  Two girls 10 yrs and 3 yrs
  And two boys 9 yrs and 6 yrs
  
  I want to make each one a little kit so they will have something to keep them entertained during the rehearsal stuff and the wedding day.
  
  So any ideas would be awesome. Especially for the two older kids. 
  
  The 9yrs is my train bearer and the 10yr old is gonna be our junior bridesmaid, and neither is a common role so I think they don't feel very excited about their roles in the wedding. 
  
  The 3yr old is our flower girl and the 6yr old is our ring bearer.
  
  Any thoughts or ideas would be awesome!

  I'm going to guess they aren't excited, because these aren't really roles in the wedding. I'm not even sure what a "train bearer" is. Why didn't you just have the 10 year be a bridesmaid? She's probably feeling "less than" the other bridesmaids because that's effectively what you've made her. Even kids know what you're making things up and that they're not really included. 
  
  That said, shop for them like you would for any other holiday or birthday. At 9 or 10 kids don't really need to be "kept entertained", but you should get them a gift for being in your wedding. I would think the 3 and 6 year olds would need more "stuff" to keep them entertained than the older ones. 

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• thefanciestbeckler member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  charlotte989875 said:

  Knottie90369708 said:

  So we have four kids in our wedding. 
  
  Two girls 10 yrs and 3 yrs
  And two boys 9 yrs and 6 yrs
  
  I want to make each one a little kit so they will have something to keep them entertained during the rehearsal stuff and the wedding day.
  
  So any ideas would be awesome. Especially for the two older kids. 
  
  The 9yrs is my train bearer and the 10yr old is gonna be our junior bridesmaid, and neither is a common role so I think they don't feel very excited about their roles in the wedding. 
  
  The 3yr old is our flower girl and the 6yr old is our ring bearer.
  
  Any thoughts or ideas would be awesome!

  I'm going to guess they aren't excited, because these aren't really roles in the wedding. I'm not even sure what a "train bearer" is. Why didn't you just have the 10 year be a bridesmaid? She's probably feeling "less than" the other bridesmaids because that's effectively what you've made her. Even kids know what you're making things up and that they're not really included. 
  
  That said, shop for them like you would for any other holiday or birthday. At 9 or 10 kids don't really need to be "kept entertained", but you should get them a gift for being in your wedding. I would think the 3 and 6 year olds would need more "stuff" to keep them entertained than the older ones. 

  This is what I was thinking too. They should get a gift, but there's no need to keep them entertained. My cousin's daughter was my flower girl. She was 6 at the time and thought it was so much fun to be in the room with all of us while we were getting ready. I didn't provide her with anything to keep her busy. I treated her like an important part of the day, because she is important to me.

  IMO, your "train bearer" (whatever that is) and "junior bridesmaid" (whatever that is) are probably going to feel even less enthusiastic than they feel now if you make them feel like they're little kids that need a coloring book or something to "keep them entertained".

  ETA words
  

  
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  March 2017

  I don't know what you could get the older kids to keep them busy. DD bought coloring books and crayons for her FG (and younger brother) to have at the reception. For the ring bearer who was a couple of years older, she bought puzzle and word search books along with pre-sharpened pencils (recommended by the parent).

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2017

  The 9 and 10 yr olds will probably have tablets or whatever they're calling Nintendo gameboy's these days- at least that's what the kids of DH's side of the family always seem to have every time I see them- and they're all around that age.  If not those, they're old enough to entertain themselves.
  
  Maybe a coloring/activity book for the 6-year-old?  And my almost 3-yr-old DD loves bubbles and little board books (anything by Dr. Suess, Mo Willems, etc.)

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• Knottie90369708 member

  

  March 2017

  charlotte989875 said:

  Knottie90369708 said:

  So we have four kids in our wedding. 
  
  Two girls 10 yrs and 3 yrs
  And two boys 9 yrs and 6 yrs
  
  I want to make each one a little kit so they will have something to keep them entertained during the rehearsal stuff and the wedding day.
  
  So any ideas would be awesome. Especially for the two older kids. 
  
  The 9yrs is my train bearer and the 10yr old is gonna be our junior bridesmaid, and neither is a common role so I think they don't feel very excited about their roles in the wedding. 
  
  The 3yr old is our flower girl and the 6yr old is our ring bearer.
  
  Any thoughts or ideas would be awesome!

  I'm going to guess they aren't excited, because these aren't really roles in the wedding. I'm not even sure what a "train bearer" is. Why didn't you just have the 10 year be a bridesmaid? She's probably feeling "less than" the other bridesmaids because that's effectively what you've made her. Even kids know what you're making things up and that they're not really included. 
  
  That said, shop for them like you would for any other holiday or birthday. At 9 or 10 kids don't really need to be "kept entertained", but you should get them a gift for being in your wedding. I would think the 3 and 6 year olds would need more "stuff" to keep them entertained than the older ones. 
  

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• Knottie90369708 member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Wow.... ok, sorry I asked on this forum, apparently this is not a very friendly community. This is the second time I was met with exremely rude people when I asked for help and ideas, kinda see why so many people use Pinterest!
  
  To quote Brides.com - 
  
  Oftentimes if you have a loved one who falls between the ages of eight and 14 (or, in your mind, is too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid), you can honor her by including her in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid. Of course, if your girl is 13, for example, she likely won't be planning — or partaking — in common bridal party functions such as the bachelorette (unless, of course, you keep it PG). Filling this role is completely up to you, and is often used when you have a much younger sibling, cousin, or niece that you're close to. A junior bridesmaid's sole responsibility is to walk in the processional alongside the rest of your bridesmaids. She should wear a dress that falls within your bridal party's perimeters, but it is, often a lot more modest and young-looking than the other bridesmaids's gowns (designers like Watters make special junior bridesmaid looks for this exact purpose). If you want she can also stand in the receiving line but that's completely up to you. She should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and may be included in the pre-wedding bridal shower if you wish.
  
  So THAT'S junior bridesmaid.
   
  To quote confetti.uk -
  
  Train bearers usually come in pairs; they carry and arrange the bride’s dress train. This was far more common years ago when the bride’s dress was long, but with the changing fashion there has been little need for them.
  
  So THAT'S a train bearer. 
  
  Now I will admit we are being a little unconventional useing just the one, but with my wedding dress so long (5ft) we thought it would be a lovely role. 
  
  My fiancé and I sat down with them both tonight, and explained their roles and how important they are, and this seemed to cheer them both up. Our junior bridesmaid is looking forward to getting to be with the ladies and be the first one out. She is also trilled that her mama said she could help with you be of the bridal showers. Our train bear likes that he has a big kid role and made me practice with him two or three times.  
  
  Neither of these are made-up terms. If You weren't going to be helpful at LEAST educate yourself before you choose to be rude. Otherwise you look ignorant as well as unhelpful and hateful. As far as how we feel about them, let me simply say speak not what you know not of.
  
  To the other two ladies thank you, you both gave me some great ideas for the two little ones.
  

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• flantastic member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Knottie90369708 said:

  Wow.... ok, sorry I asked on this forum, apparently this is not a very friendly community. This is the second time I was met with exremely rude people when I asked for help and ideas, kinda see why so many people use Pinterest!
  
  To quote Brides.com - 
  
  Oftentimes if you have a loved one who falls between the ages of eight and 14 (or, in your mind, is too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid), you can honor her by including her in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid. Of course, if your girl is 13, for example, she likely won't be planning — or partaking — in common bridal party functions such as the bachelorette (unless, of course, you keep it PG). Filling this role is completely up to you, and is often used when you have a much younger sibling, cousin, or niece that you're close to. A junior bridesmaid's sole responsibility is to walk in the processional alongside the rest of your bridesmaids. She should wear a dress that falls within your bridal party's perimeters, but it is, often a lot more modest and young-looking than the other bridesmaids's gowns (designers like Watters make special junior bridesmaid looks for this exact purpose). If you want she can also stand in the receiving line but that's completely up to you. She should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and may be included in the pre-wedding bridal shower if you wish.
  
  So THAT'S junior bridesmaid.
   
  To quote confetti.uk -
  
  Train bearers usually come in pairs; they carry and arrange the bride’s dress train. This was far more common years ago when the bride’s dress was long, but with the changing fashion there has been little need for them.
  
  So THAT'S a train bearer. 
  
  Now I will admit we are being a little unconventional useing just the one, but with my wedding dress so long (5ft) we thought it would be a lovely role. 
  
  My fiancé and I sat down with them both tonight, and explained their roles and how important they are, and this seemed to cheer them both up. Our junior bridesmaid is looking forward to getting to be with the ladies and be the first one out. She is also trilled that her mama said she could help with you be of the bridal showers. Our train bear likes that he has a big kid role and made me practice with him two or three times.  
  
  Neither of these are made-up terms. If You weren't going to be helpful at LEAST educate yourself before you choose to be rude. Otherwise you look ignorant as well as unhelpful and hateful. As far as how we feel about them, let me simply say speak not what you know not of.
  
  To the other two ladies thank you, you both gave me some great ideas for the two little ones.
  

  Just because someone says it's a thing doesn't mean it's a true honor. Kids can smell that sort of thing a mile off. Use some common sense.
  
  There's no reason that "full" bridesmaids have to participate in "common bridal party functions." If your bachelorette isn't going to be 10-yr-old friendly, she doesn't come, and she'll understand. The honor and role of being a bridesmaid is to stand with you as you get married. A 10 year old can handle that. No need to point out that she's younger than the other BMs by giving her a "junior" title, even if it's often used. It's dumb.
  
  A 9 year old knows you don't actually need them to fluff your train. I'm sure they're super excited that their job is to follow you around and hold the end of your dress.
  
  Charlotte wasn't saying the terms had never been used before, she's saying they're not real. As in real honors. And the kids know.
  
  I'm glad you talked to them and explained some of your thought process - that should help. But I'd just give the girl the bridesmaid title. That should help more.
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2017

  Nobody was rude to you, and nobody needs to educate themselves, as we've heard the terms you're using before. Thinking these roles are not necessary and educating YOU (after our years of experience with these roles and terms with brides on this forum as well as our own personal experiences) on why kids didn't seem excited does not make the posters here rude. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  Knottie90369708 said:

  Wow.... ok, sorry I asked on this forum, apparently this is not a very friendly community. This is the second time I was met with exremely rude people when I asked for help and ideas, kinda see why so many people use Pinterest!
  
  To quote Brides.com - 
  
  Oftentimes if you have a loved one who falls between the ages of eight and 14 (or, in your mind, is too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid), you can honor her by including her in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid. Of course, if your girl is 13, for example, she likely won't be planning — or partaking — in common bridal party functions such as the bachelorette (unless, of course, you keep it PG). Filling this role is completely up to you, and is often used when you have a much younger sibling, cousin, or niece that you're close to. A junior bridesmaid's sole responsibility is to walk in the processional alongside the rest of your bridesmaids. She should wear a dress that falls within your bridal party's perimeters, but it is, often a lot more modest and young-looking than the other bridesmaids's gowns (designers like Watters make special junior bridesmaid looks for this exact purpose). If you want she can also stand in the receiving line but that's completely up to you. She should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and may be included in the pre-wedding bridal shower if you wish.
  
  So THAT'S junior bridesmaid.
   
  To quote confetti.uk -
  
  Train bearers usually come in pairs; they carry and arrange the bride’s dress train. This was far more common years ago when the bride’s dress was long, but with the changing fashion there has been little need for them.
  
  So THAT'S a train bearer. 
  
  Now I will admit we are being a little unconventional useing just the one, but with my wedding dress so long (5ft) we thought it would be a lovely role. 
  
  My fiancé and I sat down with them both tonight, and explained their roles and how important they are, and this seemed to cheer them both up. Our junior bridesmaid is looking forward to getting to be with the ladies and be the first one out. She is also trilled that her mama said she could help with you be of the bridal showers. Our train bear likes that he has a big kid role and made me practice with him two or three times.  
  
  Neither of these are made-up terms. If You weren't going to be helpful at LEAST educate yourself before you choose to be rude. Otherwise you look ignorant as well as unhelpful and hateful. As far as how we feel about them, let me simply say speak not what you know not of.
  
  To the other two ladies thank you, you both gave me some great ideas for the two little ones.
  

  Hateful? Bless your heart. There is true hate and ignorance happening in the world, and this isn't it. Also I'm fairly certain you're the only one on this thread who has been insulting and rude.  
  
  I will reiterate my advice as it seems you skipped over it; shop for them like you would any other gift-giving event. What are they into? If you're not sure reach out to their parents for specifics. 

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• artbyallie mod

  

  March 2017

  Oh honey. No 9-year-old wants to carry your train. And 'junior' anything is just plain insulting when she's doing the same fucking thing all the just plain 'bridesmaids' are. Walking down the aisle is all that's required of a bridesmaid, by the way, as bachelorette parties are an optional extra if someone chooses to throw you one.

  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  March 2017

  OP, sometimes the tone you read over the internet sounds harsh but people on these boards really want to be helpful. They are often blunt. When I first started here I thought some of the responses were harsh but you just need to lurk awhile to know people mean well. 
  
  I have heard of junior bridesmaid (I had one many years ago when I think it was more acceptable) but had never heard of a train bearer except for royal wedding/movies. I'm glad you had a talk with the kids about their roles and that they seem excited. I do think it would be fine for you to just refer to the young girl as a bridesmaid. 
  
  Stick around and get to know the tone of the boards and the individual posters.

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• Heffalump member

  

  March 2017

  Oh lordy.  I read your first post, thought this was a dumb idea, but since everyone had already mentioned the same concerns I had, I moved along.  (Momma always said, if you can't say something nice...)
  
  So now I see that there are a bunch of new posts, and you've had a tantrum?  As @charlotte989875 said, bless your heart, honey.
  
  

  Knottie90369708 said:

  To quote Brides.com - 
  
  Oftentimes if you have a loved one who falls between the ages of eight and 14 (or, in your mind, is too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid), you can honor her by including her in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid. Of course, if your girl is 13, for example, she likely won't be planning — or partaking — in common bridal party functions such as the bachelorette (unless, of course, you keep it PG). Filling this role is completely up to you, and is often used when you have a much younger sibling, cousin, or niece that you're close to. A junior bridesmaid's sole responsibility is to walk in the processional alongside the rest of your bridesmaids. She should wear a dress that falls within your bridal party's perimeters, but it is, often a lot more modest and young-looking than the other bridesmaids's gowns (designers like Watters make special junior bridesmaid looks for this exact purpose). If you want she can also stand in the receiving line but that's completely up to you. She should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and may be included in the pre-wedding bridal shower if you wish.
  
  So THAT'S junior bridesmaid.
  

  ^^^ What a coincidence.  That happens to be the bridesmaids' sole responsibility, as well.  So why not just make her a bridesmaid?  As you've seen, adolescents don't react well to roles that infantilize them.
  
  

  Knottie90369708 said:

  
  To quote confetti.uk -
  
  Train bearers usually come in pairs; they carry and arrange the bride’s dress train. This was far more common years ago when the bride’s dress was long, but with the changing fashion there has been little need for them.
  
  So THAT'S a train bearer. 
  

  Yes, that's a train bearer.  The thing that the article itself says there is little need for.  And you wonder why he's not psyched?  Maybe he's just one of those nine year old boys who doesn't daydream about walking down an aisle holding the end of a bride's dress.  Go figure.
  
  Protip: if you have to sit someone down and explain why they shouldn't be disappointed in what you have offered them, maybe it's not because you didn't explain it well enough the first time.  Maybe it's just a crap job.
   
  To be perfectly honest, I see a lot about what you want in these posts, and the only mention of what the kids want seems to be that they don't.  Maybe take your cues from them.
  

  �

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• kaos16 member

  

  March 2017

  Knottie90369708 said:

  Wow.... ok, sorry I asked on this forum, apparently this is not a very friendly community. This is the second time I was met with exremely rude people when I asked for help and ideas, kinda see why so many people use Pinterest!
  
  

  It can really suck when people are mean to you when you are just looking for guidance.  I just went back to your old post about chair covers, which I'm assuming is where you met the other rude people. . . . . . . . . If you consider anything said there or here to be rude, I feel sorry for your ability to interact in real world setting.  Everyone has seemingly been beyond helpful!  Am I missing something?
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2017

  Coloring books - although I agree with others that the parents will manage their kids entertainment.
  
  I don't really care about jr. bms or train bearers. I understand the "what for?" sentiment, but if a 10 year old has a "jr" title, I'm not getting my panties in a bunch about it. Just me though. I also give little to no fucks about the idea of a train bearer. Whatever.
  
  But I also think it's dumb to get butthurt over a disagreement on roles over the interwebz. I mean, if you don't want anyone to disagree with you, why not just google "things to keep a 10 year old entertained" and "things to keep a 3 year old entertained for more than 90 seconds"? 

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• lnixon8 member

  

  March 2017

  Having a 9 year old boy in charge of making sure your dress looks good seems super counter intuitive.

  
  
  

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• ahoywedding member

  

  March 2017

  lnixon8 said:

  Having a 9 year old boy in charge of making sure your dress looks good seems super counter intuitive.

  LOL this. I was MOH in a friend's wedding who had a 6 or 7 foot train and I had trouble keeping that sucker looking good while she was standing up there! It seems a boy that age would prefer to be an actual GM or just attend like a regular person. Ditto the 10 year old girl. 

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