MOH Zilla

Re: MOH Zilla

• STARMOON44 member

  

  March 2017

  Stop expecting anything more from her than showing up to the wedding on time and in the assigned dress. When she says stuff that's upsetting to you, hang up the phone or leave the room. 
  
  This is why you should never ask someone you don't get along with to be your maid of honor. 

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• missfrodo member

  

  March 2017

  Vshan06 said:

  I have had so many issues with my MOH that my fiancé no longer wants her in the wedding. 
  
  1. She says I spend too much time with my fiancé and she doesn't like that.
  2. I asked her because she is family , kind of letting go of our past relationship and we never really get along that well.
  3. She hates my bridesmaids because they don't agree with her every move. she has said she will confront them at my bridal shower or bachelorette. Why create tension like that.
  4. she meet my fiance's best man and told me my fiance will cheat at his bachelors party - she repeated this to me on multiple occasion. I have general anxiety and became upset it caused tension with the best man who is also a long time friend of mine. later found out my MOH was saying that with no proof of bachelor party plans as NOTHING has been planned yet.
  5. I planned by bachelorette with my other bridesmaids as she refused because she couldn't get her way on location. She never tried planning with them since they wouldn't give her money they didn't have. I told her what I ike to do and she replies with " well I like to turn up like this...blah blah" things I don't like that aren't my style and she said my ideas and what I like is boring and wack.
  
  She is becoming a dark cloud over my wedding I don't want drama at any of my events and jut want to enjoy.
  
  Any advice is appreciated thanks!!!

  1. How you spend your time is not her business.  Ignore her when she tells you this.
  2. If you never got along well, that wouldn't change just because you're getting married.  Why did you ask her to be in your wedding in the first place?
  3. This is between her and the other BMs.  Stay out of it.  If your other friends come to you and say that she is harassing them, tell them to ignore her/block her texts and calls, since they don't need to be in communication with her anyway.
  4. Personally, I would stand up for my FI in this case: "FI and I are getting married.  He is not going to cheat on me, even if there is a goddamn prostitute at the bachelor party, because he loves me.  This conversation is over."  If she continues to press the issue, end the call or walk away.  You can't control how she acts, but you can control your reaction to her.
  5. It's no one's responsibility to help plan or pay for parties in your honor.  It's nice that your other BMs are throwing you a party, but if she doesn't want to be a part of it, that's fine.  
  
  All your BMs and MOH have to do for your wedding is show up in the agreed upon dress (that's within everyone's budget) on time for the ceremony, stand where they're supposed to, and smile for some pictures.  She doesn't need to come to the shower or b-party, and since it's not "her style," maybe you'll luck out and she won't come.  
  You say your FI wants her out of the wedding: To kick her out would be considered a friendship-ending move.  It sounds like you never had much of a friendship to begin with, but you also say she's family, so you may not be able to just cut her out of your life.  If you will be seeing this woman at family functions down the road and don't want her to turn the whole family against you for kicking her out of your wedding, you really should suck it up and keep her.  
  Make sure she knows what dress she needs and where and when to show up for the ceremony.  Other than that, I would limit contact with her, since you react so negatively toward her.  If she starts going on about how she would do the b-party different or how your FI is going to cheat on you, tell her you won't listen to that kind of talk and that you'll gladly talk about how her life is going, but the wedding and your relationship with FI are off the table.  If she continues to harass you about it, hang up the phone/ignore her texts/leave the room.  After the wedding, you can decide to let the relationship fizzle, that's perfectly fine given that, again, you never really got along with her to begin with.

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  March 2017

  I agree with @missfrodo. It sounds like you need clear boundaries with this woman, and like you need to be comfortable reinforcing them. Don't play into her drama - just let her know clearly and assertively (and as nicely as possible) that you don't want to have that conversation. For example, you may say that you're not interested in talking about how she doesn't trust your FI, because you do.
  
  There will be some backlash at first, and it sucks (I know this firsthand), but once you've created these boundaries, they'll exist long after your wedding. It's a good thing to establish, especially if this is someone in your family who you'll have to deal with for a long time.
  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2017

  Kicking someone out of your wedding is a relationship ending move. You can do that - but clearly understand the consequences. If she's family, that probably complicates things. 
  
  Other option is to keep her on and simply stop talking to her about the wedding. She's obviously casting a negative light on everything and everyone, so just stop talking to her about it. Tell her the when/where of things and keep the details to yourself. She isn't entitled (or expected) to know anything just because she's MOH.

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• thefanciestbeckler member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Well mistake number one was asking someone to be your MOH just because she's family. If you never got along with her before, what on earth made you think that making her your MOH would change any of that?
  
  Second, she isn't required to do anything other than show up on your wedding day sober and in the appropriate attire. Lower your expectations and it will lower your anxiety over all this. 
  
  Edit: kicking her out of your wedding party is not a good option. It will end the relationship, and since she's family you'd better be 100% prepared for the backlash if you choose to remove her. 

  
  

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• lovesclimbing member

  

  March 2017

  Basically, I agree with everyone else. Removing someone from your wedding party is a friendship ending move, so you should only do that if you are prepared to permanently end the relationship. Since she's family, I definitely wouldn't do that.
  
  She is not required to help plan a bachelorette, so if she didn't want to, that should be no big deal. You shouldn't be planning it though. The bride's only involvement should be to give input on dates and times, general type of party, and the guest list. 
  
  As for her comments, ignore them. Tell her you don't want to hear it when she complains about your fiance or the bridesmaids and then leave the conversation.
  
  If she confronts and argues with people at parties, it reflects badly on her and not you. 
  
  Give her the dress guidelines and don't engage with her on anything else. She's not required to do anything beyond get the dress and show up so don't ask or expect anything else of her.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  March 2017

  Why on earth did you ask this person to be your MOH? It doesn't sound like you're friends at all, much less super close. 
  
  You can get her out of the wedding if you want to end the relationship. You call her, tell her that you've realized that you no longer want to continue to have any relationship with her, and wish her well. Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result. Since this is a family member, you'll have to consider how ending the relationship is going to play out in the family. 
  
  If you can't end the relationship, she stays as MOH. When she starts making inappropriate comments, end the conversation. If she complains about the location of whatever party, respond "I'm sorry that doesn't work for you, I understand if you can't make it." Instruct your friends to walk away if she confronts them about whatever perceived drama. If she becomes aggressive, have venue staff or security escort her out. (Or if it gets that bad, call the police.) She can try to engage people all she wants, but she won't get anywhere if no one takes the bait. She can try to create drama whether she's MOH or not. All you can do is ignore her (and ask others to do the same.)

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