Marriage and Wedding Two Diff Dates.....

Re: Marriage and Wedding Two Diff Dates.....

• CMGragain member

  

  March 2017

  In addition to the above posters, there are serious consequences for Catholics who choose to get married outside of the Catholic Church!  If a Catholic is married without the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, which can only be done in a Catholic or Orthodox Church, they are banned from taking the host at Mass - permanently, unless a convalidation can be obtained!  This is a very big deal for Catholics, and it is very difficult to fix.
  

  

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  March 2017

  K nothing that OP posted makes any hint about this being a Catholic thing but I'll go ahead and clear this up anyway.

  Australian_girl_in_Paris said:

  My understanding is that in the Catholic church at least they only recognise religious weddings so they wouldn't consider the courthouse wedding as anything and wouldn't have an issue with having a ceremony after.
  

  You're right that the Catholic Church only recognizes (Catholic) religious weddings as spiritually valid, but to say "they wouldn't consider the courthouse wedding as anything" is very very wrong. They would consider it a grave sin for practicing Catholics to marry outside of the Church. So much so that the couple would not be allowed to receive the Eucharist.
  
  In certain cases, civilly married couples may obtain approval to go through the process of convalidation in order to have their union recognized by the Church. This is not the same as a do-over wedding ceremony.

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  March 2017 edited March 2017

  Oops didn't see PPs' posts but I guess it bears repeating.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2017

  I know I'm late to this party, but here's the deal @Australian_girl_in_Paris, even outside the religious vs. not argument, there are lots of reasons a PPD is rude, entitled, can be taken as offensive, and is more a "LOOK AT ME" party than anything else. 
  
  It's rude because it basically tells guests "something else (insert: insurance, taxes, citizenship, etc.) was more important to us than you attending our ceremony, so here's a consolation prize." People will still be happy for the couple, but they don't want a consolation prize in the form of a fake re-do. In addition, MANY brides don't tell guests they're already married (lying by omission). This is the actual worst. Honesty is the best policy. 
  
  It's entitled because it reeks of not owning your choice and feeling like you still want/deserve more. I applaud people who do a no frills, courthouse wedding for (insert practical reason here). But be an adult then and recognize that's your story. You needed health insurance so you got married. Done. You're married. Congratulations!
  
  It it offensive for some people because, until very recently, not everyone had the right to marry. "Just a courthouse wedding" wasn't even an option for them. So someone taking that for granted is privileged and offensive to many. I also think the religious factor fits in this category.
  
  The "LOOK AT ME" factor. Someone who's been married for months (or years) parading around dressed as and pretending to be a bride/groom is obnoxious and eye roll worthy at best and laughable at worst. It's like watching little kids having a pretend wedding, but it's adults and guests have to pretend like it's real...just strange. I have no issue with a party. Give me all the parties. But don't pretend to be a bride or like it's a "wedding". It's not. 
  
  It sounds like OP is being transparent about her event and making sure it's just a party. Rock it. Good for her. But the ones who lie by omission (or straight up lie), take their courthouse wedding for granted, and/or parade around like a bride (when they're a wife) are the ones who are told "no way" on these boards. There's a big difference.

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• Australian_girl_in_Paris member

  

  April 2017

  I know this is now and old post - but I didn't see people had replied. Sorry.
  
  I would say that it seems like yall are being a bit harsh. We didn't get all the info on the situation. She might be telling all her guest whats going on! So I think its a bit rich to say she's lying to them.
  
  I also think the times they are a changing. People do things a lot differently now from even 10 years ago so traditional etiquette is whilst still important I think is ok to sidestep slightly as long as you make it clear to everyone what's going on.
  
  I think I wouldn't have an issue with going to an event like this ever - but it's clear that others (from this post alone) would. So I think as long as you have a clear explanation on your wedding website and or chose wording on your invites to show I'd wonder why anyone would care. Now if she had a cash bar!! I'd be side-eyeing all over the joint!!!!
  
  I really do wish this poor bride hadn't clearly been so scared off by the response to have never clarified what she wanted to do. Would be interesting to know if it was just her wanting to be the center of attention or not.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2017 edited April 2017

  
  
  

  Australian_girl_in_Paris said:

  
  
  

  I know this is now and old post - but I didn't see people had replied. Sorry.
  
  I would say that it seems like yall are being a bit harsh. We didn't get all the info on the situation. She might be telling all her guest whats going on! So I think its a bit rich to say she's lying to them.
  
  I also think the times they are a changing. People do things a lot differently now from even 10 years ago so traditional etiquette is whilst still important I think is ok to sidestep slightly as long as you make it clear to everyone what's going on.
  
  I think I wouldn't have an issue with going to an event like this ever - but it's clear that others (from this post alone) would. So I think as long as you have a clear explanation on your wedding website and or chose wording on your invites to show I'd wonder why anyone would care. Now if she had a cash bar!! I'd be side-eyeing all over the joint!!!!
  
  I really do wish this poor bride hadn't clearly been so scared off by the response to have never clarified what she wanted to do. Would be interesting to know if it was just her wanting to be the center of attention or not.

  
  
  

  
  
  So you resurrected an old post to call people out for giving traditional etiquette advice? 
  
  
  ETA: I'm "PPD-lite"; they really don't bother me that much, but that's not traditional etiquette. I don't post on every question about it saying "some guests might not care, because I don't care" because the truth is many, many guests will care. Times aren't changing all that much to the point where your closest friends and family don't want to see the real point where you do get married. 

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