Wedding Party Troubles

Re: Wedding Party Troubles

• geebee908 member

  

  April 2017

  
  

  Knottie53467194 said:

  
  

  I'm getting married in October and chose my bridesmaids around Christmas time. I asked my sister, my fiance's sister, my brother's girlfriend (who might as well be my sister) and my three best friends (we were college roommates and continue to be very close). Recently, my mom informed me that my cousin was extremely upset that I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid. She and I were very close growing up, but haven't really spent any time together over the last ten years. The only time I see her is at the occasional family gathering, and even then we don't really spend much time together. My cousin, however; is so upset that I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid that she will not be attending our wedding at all.
  
  I feel bad that this is probably going to create some drama in my family, but at the same time I think she is acting extremely childish. 
  
  Am I wrong for still not wanting to ask her to be a bridesmaid?

  
  

  
  No, you're not wrong. Your WP is solely your choice of those who are nearest and dearest to you at this point in your life. No one is entitled to be asked. Your cousin can feel how she feels about it, but that shouldn't mean she gets to use guilt to get a spot in the party.
  

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• Ro041 member

  

  April 2017

  You are not wrong.  Do not engage in her anger by changing your plans.  Even if you asked her now, it would be obvious to her that you were just doing so because you found out she was upset.  She likely won't feel any better about you B-Listing her into your wedding party.
  
  Let her cool down and still send her an invite to the wedding (if you were planning to invite her).  If she chooses not to come, that's her choice.  

  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  April 2017

  
  

  Ro041 said:

  
  

  You are not wrong.  Do not engage in her anger by changing your plans.  Even if you asked her now, it would be obvious to her that you were just doing so because you found out she was upset.  She likely won't feel any better about you B-Listing her into your wedding party.
  
  Let her cool down and still send her an invite to the wedding (if you were planning to invite her).  If she chooses not to come, that's her choice.  

  
  

  
  It's a shame your mom did not keep that information to herself.  It served you no purpose in hearing that news.
  
  Adults need to realize that weddings are "not about them" but the couple being married.  My son and DIL chose to have only 1 attendant each. Should their siblings or other close friends have been upset?
  
  Let it go.  It's information you should have never known because it is irrelevant.
  

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• SP29 member

  

  April 2017

  Your cousin is being very dramatic. NO ONE is entitled to be in your WP. Sure your cousin can be a bit upset if she wants to, but she doesn't get to assume or ask to be in your WP.
  
  Still send her an invite. If she chooses not to attend the wedding, that is her choice.
  
  I wouldn't let this stress you out anymore- don't put anymore thought into it.
  

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• downtondiva member

  

  April 2017

  You are not wrong and you should not change your plans (in case it has crossed your mind to do so). Sure, your cousin is allowed to be disappointed, but she also isn't entitled to be one of your bridesmaids. It was totally fine for you to ask those you are close to now, rather than someone you were close to as a child but aren't now. 
  
  You should still invite her to the wedding, though. Regardless of what she says now, she would probably be offended if you didn't send her an invite, which would only cause more drama. On a less cynical note, maybe she'll cool down by the time invites go out and decide to attend after all. And if she still won't come, that's her choice and not something for you to lose sleep over.  
  
  

  
  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  April 2017

  Ignore it. If someone mentions it to you again, say 'it's a shame Jane feels that way. I hope she changes her mind. We'll miss her. ' 
  
  She is embarrassing herself. Don't fuel the fire at all by expressing your frustration, no matter how much you feel pulled in. Keep being friendly and welcoming; she'll either a) snap out of it or b) make an arse out of herself. But either way, you'll look gracious and above the drama. 
  
  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2017

  I will never understand why people do this. And by people I mean your mom. Like, even if she knows your cousin is upset, she shouldn't be bringing it to you. She should be telling the cousin "you should never expect to be in anyone's wedding, if Knottie#s wants to ask you, she will. now go sit down." and leaving you out of it. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2017

  No, you aren't wrong to not have asked your cousin to be a bridesmaid since you aren't that close anymore.
  
  Your mother should have kept that to herself and not told you about it.
  
  I would let it go unless either brings it up to you again. If your cousin says anything, you might respond, "I'm sorry to hear that" but leave it at that. If your mother does, I would tell her, "Mom, that's something I wish you hadn't told me, because it serves no purpose. Cousin is responsible for her decision not to attend the wedding, not me. I don't feel guilty about asking other people I feel closer to than Cousin and not asking her. She and I haven't been close in some time, and this drama merely justifies my decision not to ask her."
  

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