Bridesmaid can't attend

musichaley · April 2017

Hello! I know I'm not the only person to have this dilemma, so I'm hoping someone has had experience with this and can help! My best friend (since kindergarten) is a bridesmaid in my October 1 wedding in Colorado. She lives in Florida. However...she just found out that she's pregnant, and her doctor has told her that traveling at 33 weeks to high elevation is absolutely out of the question.

I totally get it, so that's not the problem. What I'm looking for are some ways to include her before and maybe during the actual wedding from afar. I saw one post that suggested taking pictures of us prior to the wedding, and I love that idea--I'll be in Florida about 2 months before the wedding so we could do it then.
Her mom and possibly her step-son will be attending the actual wedding, so maybe there's a way they could help with this too. Would it be weird to do something like have her FaceTime in? Or her step-son stand in for her?

If anybody has any creative or even off-the-wall ideas that could help, I'm totally on board for considering anything! Thanks!

downtondiva · April 2017

I don't think it would be weird at all to FaceTime or Skype her in for the ceremony and any parts of the reception that she'd like to be "present" for. I would not have someone else stand in for her, though.

Maybe you could have flowers or even a corsage/wristlet sent to her home on the day of the wedding?

ernursej · April 2017

Knottie1461592718 said:

Hello! I know I'm not the only person to have this dilemma, so I'm hoping someone has had experience with this and can help! My best friend (since kindergarten) is a bridesmaid in my October 1 wedding in Colorado. She lives in Florida. However...she just found out that she's pregnant, and her doctor has told her that traveling at 33 weeks to high elevation is absolutely out of the question.

I totally get it, so that's not the problem. What I'm looking for are some ways to include her before and maybe during the actual wedding from afar. I saw one post that suggested taking pictures of us prior to the wedding, and I love that idea--I'll be in Florida about 2 months before the wedding so we could do it then.
Her mom and possibly her step-son will be attending the actual wedding, so maybe there's a way they could help with this too. Would it be weird to do something like have her FaceTime in? Or her step-son stand in for her?

If anybody has any creative or even off-the-wall ideas that could help, I'm totally on board for considering anything! Thanks!

First off, kudos for wanting to include her but putting the pregnancy first. I've seen too many posters that are upset about having changes to their day.

I like the idea of sending her a corsage or bouquet of flowers and skyping her in for the ceremony. If you were doing programs, she can still be included in the program.

Agree with @downtondiva that you shouldn't have someone stand in her place.

I love the idea of spending time together when you visit her before the wedding. Being with the people you love and care for is most important so I'm sure this would be appreciated.

Change your name and stick around.

SP29 · April 2017

Nice of you to think of your friend!

Still include her in your program (if you are having one). Send her the bouquet you would have had her carry (if you are getting bouquets). And facetime, or give her a call during your reception, or get someone to video you on your phone and send her a personal little video message (perhaps while you're getting ready, or if your FH is also close with her, sometime during the reception with the two of you).

I wouldn't have her step-son, or anyone else, stand in for her.

charlotte989875 · May 2017

I love the idea of taking some photos with her when you're visiting and FaceTiming. I also think sending her flowers or a corsage would be really special. I don't think I'd have her son or anyone "stand in" for her.

southernbelle0915 · May 2017

FTing is a nice idea, but I would present it to her this way "If your mom wants to FT you during the ceremony, that's totally cool with us. We can seat her in the front/second row off to the side so you have a good view. Just let us know if you want to do that." That way, there's no obligation.

I also like the idea of sending her "wish you were here" flowers to be delivered the day before/day of.

Don't have anyone stand in for her. It gives the impression she is replaceable.

MissKittyDanger · May 2017

FaceTime definitely helps.
One of my BMs lived across country and couldn't attend things, so some things {like showing ladies the dress, etc} I would facetime her, and for other things like shower, etc I would take a video and send it to her.

Note: recording ceremony anyways would be good to do. One of my coworkers couldn't attend ceremony and came later, so I could show her. It also works for the others who couldn't attend, etc

musichaley · May 2017

Thank you all so much! Lots of good ideas; I didn't even think of the flowers idea! I won't have anyone stand in for her, but I'll invite her mom to FaceTime. I really like the idea of a little video message before the wedding too! Thanks everyone!

MesmrEwe · May 2017

Heck, I was 38 weeks and drove to the middle of BFN IA and back. The bigger issue for her at 33w would be the airlines more than the altitude. Airlines can be a ROYAL PITA if you're noticeably PG and are known to preclude someone from being on the flight.

If you want to go a step further, after she delivers, the second week home arrange delivery of a meal comparable to your wedding meal!

Bridesmaid can't attend

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