I feel for this person, but suing is a terrible idea at this time.

mrsconn23 · May 2017

Dear Prudence,
The people in the apartment next to mine have a child who scream at all hours; the sound is loud and terrible and wakes me up at night. If it were a baby I would try and tell myself it will grow out of this, but the child is 7 years old and on the autism spectrum. What do I do? I don’t feel I should have to move just to get a good night sleep (I was here first, they just moved in last month) but given today’s “understand autism” mentality I am worried if I say anything I will be labeled as the one in the wrong. I am sympathetic to their struggles, to a point. Is there anything I can do? The lack of sleep is messing with my job; friends tell me to inform them that if I get fired because of it, I should sue the family. Thoughts?

banana468 · May 2017

How about actually looking for ways to solve the issue? Talk to the neighbors. See if there are options that all can take. Put on your big girl undies and stop blaming outside causes for your problems if you don't intend to do anything about them until they lead to drastic issues.

mrsconn23 · May 2017

Not only talk to the neighbors, but other low-cost options to get sleep are: ear plugs, sound machines, running a fan, turning on soft music (DH uses a pandora 'sleep station'), etc. You could spend $20 or less and find that you can solve your issue all by yourself.

banana468 · May 2017

mrsconn23 said:

Not only talk to the neighbors, but other low-cost options to get sleep are: ear plugs, sound machines, running a fan, turning on soft music (DH uses a pandora 'sleep station'), etc. You could spend $20 or less and find that you can solve your issue all by yourself.

Exactly. A fan, noise machine, ear plugs, etc are all ways that she can take matters into her own hands.

charlotte989875 · May 2017

1. "understanding autism" isn't a current fad or mentality; it's called not discriminating against people.

2. Sound machine. Earplugs. Move your bed/bedroom.

3. Talk to your neighbors like a human being.

mrsconn23 · May 2017

charlotte989875 said:

1. "understanding autism" isn't a current fad or mentality; it's called not discriminating against people.

Yeah, that and the whole contemplating suing makes the LW sound very dickish (and they very well may be a dick). But they are tired, so that could have an impact on their personality. However, adulting means that you use your words and your brain to fix your problems.

And "I was here FIRST!" is not a valid argument here.

DrillSergeantCat · May 2017

I'm sorry, but when you choose to live in an apartment you are choosing to give up some of the luxuries of living in a detached home. One of those is the quiet space you prefer. If this is seriously a problem, you need to move to a home in the country.

southernbelle0915 · May 2017

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
friends tell me to inform them that if I get fired because of it, I should sue the family. Thoughts?

I'm not an attorney, but on what grounds would this person have to sue?

Honestly, I would file a complaint with the landlord and ask to be moved to a different unit. If a different unit was not available, I would ask the landlord for soundproofing. If soundproofing isn't an option, I would look into a different apartment and ask the landlord to waive the early termination penalty due to the circumstances. If the landlord didn't waive the penalty, I would suck it up and count it as a loss. If they did waive the penalty and I could afford it, I'd donate the savings to a charity that provides support to families dealing with autism. And then I'd tell my friends what I did in lieu of suing the family. Asses.

*Barbie* · May 2017

I think the first option would be approaching the parents. I understand that one of the major triggers for people with autism to "lose it" is change/disruption to their routine/surroundings. Since these people just moved in, the child could very well be acting out more frequently because he can't cope with the changes. I'm sure the parents are just as frustrated as the other tenants, and may not be aware of the significant impact to the other tenants. This conversation and the outcome would impact my next steps.

I would then discuss my concerns with the landlord - like @southernbelle0915 suggested, they may be able to move the LW or the new tenants to another unit, or make accommodations such as soundproofing. I would also keep a record of this, and any follow-ups in case further action was needed.

My last resort would be moving out an taking legal action - and not against the family, but against the landlord if they failed to adequately address the issue/were unwilling to waive the early termination fee on the lease.

The child can't help his/her condition, and the parents only have so much control. As long as they pay their rent and adhere to the rules in the lease, they have just as much right to live in this building as the LW, regardless of who was there "first."

MissKittyDanger · May 2017

Find a pair of sound cancellation headphones. Or ... you know, move? LW thinks they aren't sleeping, think about the parents of that child.

Definitely can be frustrating, but maybe approach the parents at some point? See if there's something that can be helped/figured out/etc

levioosa · May 2017

I read this and was like, 'mhm, that sucks, she's going to ask if she should---SUE?! WTF."

banana468 · May 2017

Chiming in again -

When DH and I were newlyweds a couple moved into the condo bordering ours and they had a large dog. We could hear him running up and down the stairs and pawing at the walls. It wasn't disruptive all night but we'd roll our eyes. We also acknowledged that such a disturbance was part of sucking up the condo life experience.

Now we have our own home and big yard and get to complain that we are the ones stuck cleaning up after nature.

short+sassy · May 2017

levioosa said:

I read this and was like, 'mhm, that sucks, she's going to ask if she should---SUE?! WTF."

This was me! That their FIRST step would be to sue. Not talk to the parents. Not talk to apartment management. Not look for other great and cheap options for alleviating the problem.

There is something seriously wrong with this LW.

bleve0821 · May 2017

It's only been a month or so since the family moved in. I am not autistic, so I can't speak for how a move would impact an autistic child, but when we moved when I was 10, it took me more than SIX months to adjust (and by adjust I mean go from sleepwalking 5 nights a week to once or twice). Moving is hard, even if kids don't have to change schools. It's a whole new environment that needs to be learned and understood and adapted to, and I imagine it's probably a lot harder to do that if you're autistic. Even as an adult, every time I have moved, I wind up sleepwalking a couple times in the first few months.

Does it suck that this guy's sleep is impacted? Sure, sleep is super important. I get stabby after a bad night's sleep, and I want to punt kittens after a week of bad sleep. But why would someone immediately think suing a family for having a child who is struggling to adapt to a whole new environment is the best/only option?

That just speaks of heartlessness and insensitivity. "My sleep is more important than you and your family, so instead of finding reasonable solutions for my sleepless nights, like, noise-canceling headphones, or working with you to maybe figure something else out, I'm just going to sue your asses."

InLoveInQueens · May 2017

I love how some people think you can sue for things like that. I mean, technically they can sue, but good luck finding a lawyer to take such a ridiculous guaranteed to lose case for anything less than a 5+ figure retainer (ain't no way any "good" lawyer would take that on contingency).

I hope OP doesn't listen to their idiot friend, unless they like being laughed at a lot.

How much more selfish could OP be? I guess they don't know white noise machines and earplugs exist. That's just a fact of apartment living, you'll hear your neighbors and there's really not much you can do about that.

OurWildKingdom · May 2017

When I was a teenager, my bedroom was across the hall from my parents'. My father snores so loudly that you can hear him through two closed doors. I spent four years living in residence halls and have spent the majority of my life living either in apartments or with roommates. I learned to adjust to all of the above, and can now sleep through almost anything. LW needs to do the same.

divarhd · May 2017

She has no grounds to sue. Period. She needs to talk to the neighbors, KINDLY, as they clearly have bigger problems then LW. Depending how the talk with neighbors goes will dictate her next move, either a complaint to the landlord (if they're jerks about it) or earplugs & ambien if they think it's a temporary think since they just moved and the child is adjusting.

Joney · May 2017

OurWildKingdom said:

When I was a teenager, my bedroom was across the hall from my parents'. My father snores so loudly that you can hear him through two closed doors. I spent four years living in residence halls and have spent the majority of my life living either in apartments or with roommates. I learned to adjust to all of the above, and can now sleep through almost anything. LW needs to do the same.

Yes! Does LW think they're the only one to ever encounter this? My first apartment in university there was a construction crew starting at 5 am every morning for months! Eventually my brain just learned to ignore the sound. It didn't really occur to me to wait until I failed my exams due to sleep deprivation and then sue the city....

It's mind boggling that this is the only solution LW has been able to come up with. Maybe the job is on the line from a general lacking of common sense?

I feel for this person, but suing is a terrible idea at this time.

Re: I feel for this person, but suing is a terrible idea at this time.

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