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"Anna" is crazycakes and needs to be told ASAP

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My co-worker “Anna” and I are supposed to start working together on a huge project in May. It’s an amazing opportunity for me, and even though I don’t know Anna well, I’ve been really excited to start—until Anna cornered me in the bathroom and told me my presence makes her physically ill. She explained that she’s an empath, and since I’m a “fake” person, being around me pains her. She said that I’m friendly to people I don’t like (I’m polite to everyone I work with, and I’m naturally cheery) and that I pretend to be confident during presentations even though I’m not. (It’s taken me a lot of work to become a public speaker.) A lot of the reasons Anna gave were hurtful and seemed unfair, but the point is that being around me makes her sick. She looked sweaty and ill during our talk, and I believe she believes what’s she’s saying. Anna told me I should do the right thing and remove myself from this project. That’s not going to happen. But I don’t know how to work with someone who is nauseated by me and who plainly doesn’t want to work with me. What should I do?

—Get Real?

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Re: "Anna" is crazycakes and needs to be told ASAP

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    banana468banana468 member
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    mrsconn23 said:

    I vote for HR because Anna decided to corner LW in a BATHROOM because she knew it was a relatively 'safe' space to not get caught for doing this to LW.  

    If LW had heard this shit through the grapevine or if Anna had approached her in a less threatening manner and had a different tone about it, then I'd be all for Barbie's #1 option.  

    Anna has created a hostile work environment due to her antics. 


    The bolded is exactly where I am.   Anna may not be malicious but she certainly knew what she was doing by cornering in a bathroom and not the company breakroom.


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    DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    I'd go to the person who put me on the project and tell them what just happened while explaining that I want to keep the project and am willing to work with crazycakes and go to HR as well about being cornered in the bathroom. 
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    LondonLisa said:

    I had to google what empath is. Yeah, no, you don't get to use science fiction, non-medical terms to bully people. It's things like this that make it hard for people with legitimate invisible illnesses to create a productive work environment. 

    I'd go to HR to at least have a record of what she did on file. She is aggressively playing the victim, and frankly gaslighting LW into thinking she is mean and vindictive when in reality she was just being professional. It's worth it for her to start making notes of every interaction, if someone is forcing themselves to be ill in the presence of others, LW shouldnt be blindsided by her escalations, Anna essentially said that she didn't like the LW being respectful to people she didn't particularly like. Was she supposed to bitch them out? 

    Why dont people like Anna realise you don't have to particularly like someone but you have to be professional and respectful. You are not entitled to only have your best mates work with you.   As long as they are doing their job and not hostile, just get on with it. 

    Id worry that Anna would escalate this, hostilely. 


    I just read half of the first sentence of "what is an empath?" and I couldn't get through the rest of it. This is just pure fiction. 
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    1 - my friend's name is Anna, I will have to show her this and tell her she's a crazy empath ;)

    2 - go to HR! This chick has made an uncomfortable working enviornment

    3 - Anna is projecting.

    4 - this actually makes me scared for LW
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    She's not an Empath, she's delusional and entitled; This is real life, not an Xmen Movie.

    True, some people are more sensitive to tension and anxiety, even in other people, but welcome to real life- it's on you and only you to deal with your own shit.

    OP should ignore Anna, document this encounter, then talk to her supervisor.  Depending on how that meeting goes, she should then go to HR, but with caution. HR isn't there to help protect the employees, it's there to help protect the nest interest of the company.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    banana468banana468 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:

    She's not an Empath, she's delusional and entitled; This is real life, not an Xmen Movie.

    True, some people are more sensitive to tension and anxiety, even in other people, but welcome to real life- it's on you and only you to deal with your own shit.

    OP should ignore Anna, document this encounter, then talk to her supervisor.  Depending on how that meeting goes, she should then go to HR, but with caution. HR isn't there to help protect the employees, it's there to help protect the nest interest of the company.


    True.   But the LW can detail concerns about the encounter and project.   
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    banana468 said:



    PrettyGirlLost said:


    She's not an Empath, she's delusional and entitled; This is real life, not an Xmen Movie.

    True, some people are more sensitive to tension and anxiety, even in other people, but welcome to real life- it's on you and only you to deal with your own shit.

    OP should ignore Anna, document this encounter, then talk to her supervisor.  Depending on how that meeting goes, she should then go to HR, but with caution. HR isn't there to help protect the employees, it's there to help protect the nest interest of the company.




    True.   But the LW can detail concerns about the encounter and project.   


    With her supervisor 1st.  If they aren't receptive to her concerns or if they then suggest she also go to HR, then she should go to HR. 

    I just feel like for many things HR is kinda the nuclear option, but maybe I have it wrong.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited May 2017


    PrettyGirlLost said:



    OP should ignore Anna, document this encounter, then talk to her supervisor.  Depending on how that meeting goes, she should then go to HR, but with caution. HR isn't there to help protect the employees, it's there to help protect the nest interest of the company.




    That is very true.  

    However, Anna cornering employees in the bathroom and verbally harassing them is more of a threat than LW is because it is creating hostility (and a potential legal issue).  LW should go to her supervisor first, and document the shit out of what was said, time of day, IF anyone else was in and out of the bathroom at that time (so they can corroborate).   I do think the supervisor's reaction and action in this case would then inform the next move that should be made.  

    A lot of workplaces are doing more and more 'workplace violence' training (I had to take it and I work from home), so this is definitely concerning behavior IMO.  Especially since Anna is using baseless information to attack the credibility of the LW and seemingly lying in wait to corner LW in a secluded place.  LW has a TON of ammo in her pocket regarding Anna and while I don't think she should go nuclear, she needs get in front of it NOW. 
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:



    banana468 said:





    PrettyGirlLost said:



    She's not an Empath, she's delusional and entitled; This is real life, not an Xmen Movie.

    True, some people are more sensitive to tension and anxiety, even in other people, but welcome to real life- it's on you and only you to deal with your own shit.

    OP should ignore Anna, document this encounter, then talk to her supervisor.  Depending on how that meeting goes, she should then go to HR, but with caution. HR isn't there to help protect the employees, it's there to help protect the nest interest of the company.






    True.   But the LW can detail concerns about the encounter and project.   




    With her supervisor 1st.  If they aren't receptive to her concerns or if they then suggest she also go to HR, then she should go to HR. 

    I just feel like for many things HR is kinda the nuclear option, but maybe I have it wrong.


    Normal circumstances, yes. This one LW was cornered. That is dangerously close to assault, and could be looked as threatening. LW could probably make a case and go to the police but I think HR would be better in this case. Who knows if this could happen again to someone else.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    if the LW felt threatened then yes, agreed she should talk to management or HR (depending on company setup and her comfort level with either option) - the reason I didn't suggest this as first option is because depending on workplace culture, the level of LW's concern with the interaction, and the office dynamics - this may not be possible or may ultimately cause more trouble for LW. (i.e. if management or HR is drinking Anna's Kool-Aid, or there's a fear of retaliation.)
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    When reading the word "empath" did anyone else immediately think of Counselor Troi from Star Trek Next Generation?

    I'm curious what the LW said during the confrontation.  I would have nicely...because I'm so fake...shut that s**t down.  Said something like, "I'm sorry you get a bad vibe from me.  But, as we both know, I've never done anything to you to warrant it and I'm not taking myself off the project.  Of course, you are welcome to take yourself off it.  Because it's actually your problem.  I will always be professional with you and I expect the same.  You don't have to like me to do that."

    I'd also definitely warn both my supervisor and potentially HR about the weird conversation.  Sadly, though, many HR departments are completely useless when it comes to personal conflicts.


    Warning, long story about an awful incident with a former coworker: 

    The worst and creepiest thing I've had happen to me is a former coworker made a threatening "prank" phone call to my MOTHER!?!?  This was 8 months after I'd been laid off anyway, just to add insult to injury.  I called my former company's HR director after the incident.  I was very upset and reported what had happened.  She pretty much pooh-poohed me and acted like it was NBD.  When I called back a few days later to see if there had been any progress, it was again, this "oh yeah, you again" attitude with a flip, "Sorry, IT tried to look up that phone number with employee contact information, but we didn't uncover anything."  They never believed it was one of THEIR precious employees, so it was a cursory investigation...at best.

    Here was what happened.  To be fair, I don't have solid hard fact who it was, but I know for sure it was one of their employees and had a strong suspicion who.  I don't have a landline, but my mom does.  My mom and I share the same last name and it is an unusual one.  I think someone was trying to prank me, but didn't have my phone number.  So, if they look up my last name, they'll find my mom's number.  It was a male...though the person I suspect was a female and probably had a friend call.  He claimed he was my ex-b/f and that they had met once.  She asked for his name and he bean dipped the question.  He casually congratulated her on retiring from her job (he specified the company she'd worked at).  Then told her he wanted to catch up with me and asked for my phone number.  So, key point, this wasn't a random call.  He knew very specific information about me and even my mom's background.

    My mom nicely told him that she's not comfortable giving out my phone number without my okay, but if he wanted to leave his name and number, she would give me the message and I could call him.  He nicely asked for my number one more time.  When my mom refused again, he called her a bitch and started screaming 4-letter words at her.  Of course, she immediately hung up on him.

    But the number he called from was on her caller id.  The area code was in Seattle.  I've never lived in Seattle.  I don't know anyone from my personal life who lives in Seattle.  But my previous company's headquarters are in Seattle.  And there were quite a few employees from there who were set up in corporate housing here in NOLA during our project.  One of whom, was a woman who was such a mean girl bitch to me, for absolutely no reason, most of the time she worked out here.  I would never have expected her to do that.  But she's the only person I worked with there who was that ridiculously immature and also the only one who seemed to have something against me. 

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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    A real empath (yes, I believe they exist) would never pull a stunt like that. "Anna" is BSC, and LW needs to go to her supervisor or HR.
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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    baconsmom said:



    LondonLisa said:




    Why dont people like Anna realise you don't have to particularly like someone but you have to be professional and respectful. You are not entitled to only have your best mates work with you.   As long as they are doing their job and not hostile, just get on with it. 

    Id worry that Anna would escalate this, hostilely. 




    I fucking hate this. "You're so fake, you're polite to people!" Like, yeah. That's how to adult. You don't get to be a bitch just because you think it's more "genuine". It's not. It's just rude. Stop it. 


    My first thought was, "how in eff else are you supposed to adult?" I don't particularly like or want to get to know the people I work with outside of work but I'm polite and relatively cheerful at work. You suck it up in this thing called life.
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