Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Rude Bride?

Knottie1d669498696b9bd5Knottie1d669498696b9bd5 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my best friend of 7 years asked me to be her maid of honor (and I was overjoyed, of course!). She had asked her twin sister earlier, but she had said that she really didn't want to be in the wedding party, so I was asked instead.

Cut to six months later, I'm hanging out with the bride and her sister invites herself over. The bride and myself chat a little about wedding planning stuff (it was a 2+ year engagement) and move on to other topics. After I leave, her sister throws a fit about how I'm her maid of honor. Long story short, sister gets her way and the bride asks if her sister can be her maid of honor too. After seven years of being friends, I already know that she said yes to her sister and is asking my opinion after the fact so it really doesn't matter. At the time the bride said that she didn't really care about he labels of MOH/bridesmaid, and made it sound like we would both be joint MOHs.

Months later, I mention something about being her maid of honor and she says, "You're not my maid of honor, (sister's name) is." Was I right to be upset about this? Seven years of supposedly being best friends and her sister throws a fit to get her way after she already declined?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Rude Bride?

  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You have a right to be hurt, but if this is the worst of it I would maybe have a brief talk and then let it go.  I remember when my bff asked me to be a BM she said, "you know you're actually my MOH, but it can't be official because Sister will get hurt." I know the family dynamic though and I shrugged it off.  I knew our friendship isn't affected by titles for one day, but that it would create unnecessary drama in the family for me to be labeled as such, even though the whole family sees me as another sibling/daughter.  

    If you are really hurt by this, talk to your bff. Londonlisa had great advice for the wording. 


    image
    Report Reply
  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    I would probably have a brief chat with the friend just to get it off my chest and then let it go.  If your friend is usually like this (non-confrontational/wishy-washy), its unlikely she will change based on your conversation but sometimes people need to be told that what they are doing is hurting you before they fully realize it.  I don't know why she is "demoting" you back to BM though...she could just have two MOHs but maybe her sister is that "crazy jealous, 'there can only be one!' type."

    Either way, I didn't have a MOH, just four BMs mainly because I just didn't really see any one of my closest friends as above the other in that sense.  No one really noticed/cared anyway. 

    Report Reply
  • Knottie1d669498696b9bd5Knottie1d669498696b9bd5 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    The whole reason that her saying that I'm not her maid of honor is because she posted on Facebook a picture of everyone else in the bridal party, plus her mom and grandmother, visiting her venue (which I hadn't been to), and she commented how only me and her attendant were missing. I live the furthest away, only about an hour and a half, and everyone else is in the same town or a 20-mile radius, so I already felt like the odd one out, but I was upset that she appeared to have invited everyone else out to see her venue but me. I told her that I was upset by that and she said it was nothing to be upset about, but I thought it was super rude. Days later when I saw her because I was upset she finally said that it was just supposed to be her and her mom going but everyone else found out and invited themselves. She didn't bother to tell me that right away, she let me be upset for a few days when that quick explanation would have solved the issue in 5 minutes. I came to find out that she had talked about me behind my back to everyone else in the bridal party, including her mother, for being upset about the misunderstanding, and basically everyone hated me because of it. I felt unwelcome to even be in the wedding anymore and asked if she even wanted me to be her MOH anymore and that's when she said that I wasn't. I told her how upset I was and that at this point, there's too much drama and the wedding was still a year out and I didn't want to deal with it, so I didn't want to be in the wedding anymore. She flipped and basically from that point on wouldn't listen to why I was upset or even that I was upset, everything was all about her and that I didn't want to be in her wedding anymore.
    Report Reply
  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    Knottie1d669498696b9bd5 said:

    The whole reason that her saying that I'm not her maid of honor is because she posted on Facebook a picture of everyone else in the bridal party, plus her mom and grandmother, visiting her venue (which I hadn't been to), and she commented how only me and her attendant were missing. I live the furthest away, only about an hour and a half, and everyone else is in the same town or a 20-mile radius, so I already felt like the odd one out, but I was upset that she appeared to have invited everyone else out to see her venue but me. I told her that I was upset by that and she said it was nothing to be upset about, but I thought it was super rude. Days later when I saw her because I was upset she finally said that it was just supposed to be her and her mom going but everyone else found out and invited themselves. She didn't bother to tell me that right away, she let me be upset for a few days when that quick explanation would have solved the issue in 5 minutes. I came to find out that she had talked about me behind my back to everyone else in the bridal party, including her mother, for being upset about the misunderstanding, and basically everyone hated me because of it. I felt unwelcome to even be in the wedding anymore and asked if she even wanted me to be her MOH anymore and that's when she said that I wasn't. I told her how upset I was and that at this point, there's too much drama and the wedding was still a year out and I didn't want to deal with it, so I didn't want to be in the wedding anymore. She flipped and basically from that point on wouldn't listen to why I was upset or even that I was upset, everything was all about her and that I didn't want to be in her wedding anymore.



    So you took yourself out of her wedding but she then spun it to say "you're fired"? I am guessing she was hurt by your taking yourself out of the wedding but did not do a good job of expressing it...or...you found out how your friend really is and dodged the bullet. It doesn't sound like your friend is being very mature about all this.

    I had a former friend tell me on her wedding day that I was basically a prop and it ended our friendship. (My friend and I were her 2 BMs and her sister was MOH, she only wanted her sister but had asked us so the sides would be even with her Husbands...two GMs didn't attend so they ended up being uneven anyway and she vocalized the morning of her wedding!)

    LUKERS:  Remember when it comes to WPs
    a) Sides don't have to be even/numbers don't matter
    b) You can't just demote/replace/or fire a BM
    c) You shouldn't set your BP before 9 months because things can change
    d) Your WP should be your nearest and dearest and is one of the few things that only you get to chose!

    Report Reply
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What does it matter if everyone but you and her attendant (what is that btw?) went to see the venue? I took my mom and H's mom to see our venue and the WP saw it the day of the rehearsal. BFD

    You removed yourself in hopes that she'd beg you to stay, right? And now she's the rude one for calling your bluff? 


    Report Reply
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Knottie1d669498696b9bd5 said:

    The whole reason that her saying that I'm not her maid of honor is because she posted on Facebook a picture of everyone else in the bridal party, plus her mom and grandmother, visiting her venue (which I hadn't been to), and she commented how only me and her attendant were missing. I live the furthest away, only about an hour and a half, and everyone else is in the same town or a 20-mile radius, so I already felt like the odd one out, but I was upset that she appeared to have invited everyone else out to see her venue but me. I told her that I was upset by that and she said it was nothing to be upset about, but I thought it was super rude. Days later when I saw her because I was upset she finally said that it was just supposed to be her and her mom going but everyone else found out and invited themselves. She didn't bother to tell me that right away, she let me be upset for a few days when that quick explanation would have solved the issue in 5 minutes. I came to find out that she had talked about me behind my back to everyone else in the bridal party, including her mother, for being upset about the misunderstanding, and basically everyone hated me because of it. I felt unwelcome to even be in the wedding anymore and asked if she even wanted me to be her MOH anymore and that's when she said that I wasn't. I told her how upset I was and that at this point, there's too much drama and the wedding was still a year out and I didn't want to deal with it, so I didn't want to be in the wedding anymore. She flipped and basically from that point on wouldn't listen to why I was upset or even that I was upset, everything was all about her and that I didn't want to be in her wedding anymore.



    Attendant? I hope that's a hired position, and not someone she ostensibly likes and wants to keep in her life.

    Aside from what everyone else said, she seems to be completely clueless when it comes to wedding planning. She's letting everyone else control her, and she's making some super bad calls because of it. (Personally I couldn't imagine my entire wedding party looking at venues with me...did they also get to sit in on the business meeting and hear the price per person? Tacky.)

    Don't get me wrong, I'd be pissed if I were you. But if she's not usually such a hot mess, I might give her the benefit of the doubt and try talking again after you've both had some time to cool down. Or at least pick up the phone if she calls you.
    Report Reply
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2017
    Knottie1d669498696b9bd5 said:


    I came to find out that she had talked about me behind my back to everyone else in the bridal party, including her mother, for being upset about the misunderstanding, and basically everyone hated me because of it. I felt unwelcome to even be in the wedding anymore and asked if she even wanted me to be her MOH anymore and that's when she said that I wasn't.

    Just wanna make sure I have this straight:

    First you said that you simply "mentioned something" about being MOH and the bride suddenly revealed you'd been replaced by her sister.

    Then you said you posed the extremely leading question of "Do you even want me to be your MOH" to which she responded no. Was the "My sister's MOH" reveal a part of this response or did that come later?


    Sorry but this all sounds like a lot of nonsense.
    - I don't understand why anyone other than the bride, let alone "everyone", would care about, let alone "hate" you, for expressing hurt feelings over your exclusion from the venue visit.
    - I don't understand why you'd effectively drop out of the wedding party over that "hate" instead of trying to figure out what the issue was.
    - I don't understand why you're making it seem like the bride demoted / kicked you out when you're the one who brought it up. Kind of seems like maybe she didn't want to deal with the drama so when you gave her an out she took it.
    Report Reply
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So you're clear - you do know the not wanting to be involved in her wedding anymore was a friendship ending move?  Same for her "firing" you (do you get to put that on a resume' - cause I didn't know this was a job...)..  

    Consider the friendship fizzled for now.  BEAN DIP if you communicate from here on out if the topic of the wedding comes up.  It's not worth whatever else might get messed up with the remaining friendship if you choose to salvage any of it.  
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards