Does she want to get back together with you?

mrsconn23 · June 2017

Dear Prudence,
I started dating a girl in January of this year, but we had been friends for a few months before that. In April, she came over to my house and tried to kill herself using some old medications of mine. I called an ambulance, talked to doctors, filled out paperwork, and called her parents. I kept in contact with both her and her family as much as possible over the next few days while also studying for my exams. After she had stabilized, I called her to break up with her. A few weeks later we got back in touch, texting and Facebook messaging each other. I really care about her and miss her. Is there any way I can get back together with her, or has that ship sailed? If I do try to get back with her, what do I say?

—Reconnected

DrillSergeantCat · June 2017

I'm not sure if LW wants the friend or the girlfriend back. If LW really wants to get back together with her, LW can say, "Hi. I've missed you. Would you like to get together for coffee?"

charlotte989875 · June 2017

I'm confused, they're already back in contact, no?

If you're in touch electronically reach out for coffee/drinks/lunch and see where it goes. Just like you would anyone else.

short+sassy · June 2017

I think the LW first needs to examine why he broke up in the first place, why he wants her back, and what would be different this time. Before trying to potentially get their romantic relationship back.

Edited to add: I'm assuming the suicide attempt is why he broke up with her. But, if that suicide attempt was because she suffers from depression or another medical/psychological condition, there is a possibility it will happen again. Is that something he can handle? If not, he just needs to leave things be. Or perhaps establish just a friendship again, if he could limit it to that.

southernbelle0915 · June 2017

I honestly don't think I would get back together with someone who tried to use my medication to kill themselves in my house. It might sound insensitive, but I just wouldn't.

mrsconn23 · June 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

I honestly don't think I would get back together with someone who tried to use my medication to kill themselves in my house. It might sound insensitive, but I just wouldn't.

Prudie agrees with you:

That ship ought to sail. This is in no way to suggest that someone who’s depressed or suicidal shouldn’t, or doesn’t deserve to be, in a romantic relationship. It does mean that the odds are not good that you will be able to build a loving, healthy, mutually supportive relationship with someone who only two months ago attempted to kill herself in your home. She needs time to focus on safeguarding her own well-being and relearning how to treat her depression with the help of a medically supervised, therapeutic support network. If you two are ever going to reconnect in a way that’s not just mutually codependent, it’s going to be a long time in the future. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep in touch with her—you like talking to her and she could certainly use (appropriate, friendly) support from you. But for now, consider her as someone who is unavailable until further notice, and don’t try to rush back into a relationship that so recently ended in such a catastrophic fashion.

Heffalump · June 2017

I mean...this all happened barely two months ago? I might cool my heels a bit and let the dust settle before I decide whether to get back together. I imagine the ex has a lot going on right now, so I'd let her work on that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I could see her having bigger priorities than who to date right now.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

Heffalump said:

I mean...this all happened barely two months ago? I might cool my heels a bit and let the dust settle before I decide whether to get back together. I imagine the ex has a lot going on right now, so I'd let her work on that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I could see her having bigger priorities than who to date right now.

I should certainly hope she has greater priorities than dating ><

Good luck to her, I hope she gets into a better mental emotional state and can have a happy life.

short+sassy · June 2017

Heffalump said:

I mean...this all happened barely two months ago? I might cool my heels a bit and let the dust settle before I decide whether to get back together. I imagine the ex has a lot going on right now, so I'd let her work on that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I could see her having bigger priorities than who to date right now.

Oh goodness! I missed the part about it only being two months.

Yeah, at this point, I think it's great if he can be a supportive friend. Without putting his romantic life on hold. But, for his ex's own good, he needs to shelve the "maybe I want you back/complicated relationship" until she is in a better and more solid place with her mental health.

OurWildKingdom · June 2017

Sounds like that woman could really use a friend, but only a friend.

Does she want to get back together with you?

Re: Does she want to get back together with you?

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