Wedding Woes

I've read this 3 times and still don't understand exactly what the LW wants.

2»

Re: I've read this 3 times and still don't understand exactly what the LW wants.



  • All the nonsense above aside, I bet LW is peeved because now all she can think about is her bosses banging.  ;)


    YES! Lmao!







  • *Barbie* said:





    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 











    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.


    Mentioning Asperger's in the same sentence as being socially awkward is not bashing. It's quite well known that people on the ASD spectrum and with Asperger's are socially awkward. 
  • edited June 2017







    *Barbie* said:



    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 



    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.


    Mentioning Asperger's in the same sentence as being socially awkward is not bashing. It's quite well known that people on the ASD spectrum and with Asperger's are socially awkward. 




    I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.



















  • *Barbie* said:







    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 















    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.






    Mentioning Asperger's in the same sentence as being socially awkward is not bashing. It's quite well known that people on the ASD spectrum and with Asperger's are socially awkward. 




    I think the point is you (general you) can't (and shouldn't) assume one thing to be necessarily related to the other. Some people who have ASD's lack social awareness, some people who have ASD's do not lack social issues, and just because someone lacks social skills does not mean we can/should assume/proscribe that they have ASD. 


    She wasn't diagnosing, though. She just said the social awkwardness was to the point of Asperger's/ASD. 







  • *Barbie* said:





    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 











    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.

    You're being overly sensitive.

    I'm not bashing people on the "autism spectrum" - just saying that IMH (non-medical)O that this seems like a pretty extreme thing for a person to obsess over, making me think that there's something deeper happening. 




























  • *Barbie* said:








    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 

















    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.








    Mentioning Asperger's in the same sentence as being socially awkward is not bashing. It's quite well known that people on the ASD spectrum and with Asperger's are socially awkward. 






    I think the point is you (general you) can't (and shouldn't) assume one thing to be necessarily related to the other. Some people who have ASD's lack social awareness, some people who have ASD's do not lack social issues, and just because someone lacks social skills does not mean we can/should assume/proscribe that they have ASD. 




    She wasn't diagnosing, though. She just said the social awkwardness was to the point of Asperger's/ASD. 


    How is that not diagnosing? It is a problem when people like "bad thing" with "must be a mental health thing."
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2017


    *Barbie* said:















    *Barbie* said:







    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 















    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.



    You're being overly sensitive.

    I'm not bashing people on the "autism spectrum" - just saying that IMH (non-medical)O that this seems like a pretty extreme thing for a person to obsess over, making me think that there's something deeper happening. 




    If you're not a doctor, and you're not this person's doctor, then don't diagnose them. If you mean "this seems like an extreme overreaction that makes me think something deeper is happening" say that instead of armchair diagnosing. 

    Youre not being sensitive enough. 


  • This letter ticked me off, probably because I'm pregnant right now. My boss was the second person to learn of my pregnancy besides DH. You better believe if I'm falling down on the job I wanted her to know why. That goes both ways- if the boss has a serious medical issue of any kind, it's responsible (and yet still entirely a personal choice) to clue in the people potentially most impacted by job performance issues. 


    M and I have talked, and my work is likely going to be second or third {depending when I see my mum} to know. We're a small office, so it'll be obvious and more time to figure out arrangements if I'm off for a year.
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2017
    LW sounds like she never had "Baby 101" in school.  Boss lady needs to get her TSH/T3 tested STAT.  

    LW needs to become educated on pregnancy realities and grow some compassion.  When to announce is determined by the couple themselves, not LW's arbitrary date.  I was hospitalized with both of my pregnancies at certain points including being put on modified bedrest then had a "DB" Nun of all people to treat me like it was in my head.  People like LW annoy me after that...




















  • *Barbie* said:





    I know a few people who lost babies on the late end as well - my aunt lost a baby in the 37 or so week range, and a friend lost a bay in the 25 or so week range - which resulted in a hemorrhage, followed by a complete emergency hysterectomy - she lost the baby and nearly died in the process. 

    I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).

    FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit.  You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference. 





    Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.

    Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.




    Mentioning Asperger's in the same sentence as being socially awkward is not bashing. It's quite well known that people on the ASD spectrum and with Asperger's are socially awkward. 








    I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.
    Armchair diagnosing is problematic at best, and misinformative at worst. 

    But can I  just point out that people ARE NOT their diagnosis. I don't know if this was a typo or just a shortening of "are on the spectrum" or what, but it totally raised my eyebrows when I read it.


    I'm not 'armchair diagnosing'. They are both diagnosed from doctors.

    Tbh aspergers isn't easy to diagnose. For example, my friend who was diagnosed it took a good portion of her life to figure out what was happening. Like she was diagnosed in her early teens, mainly because her mum wanted to know what was happening with her daughter when the doctors kept saying 'idk what's happening.'








  • I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.
    Armchair diagnosing is problematic at best, and misinformative at worst. 

    But can I  just point out that people ARE NOT their diagnosis. I don't know if this was a typo or just a shortening of "are on the spectrum" or what, but it totally raised my eyebrows when I read it.






    I'm not 'armchair diagnosing'. They are both diagnosed from doctors.

    Tbh aspergers isn't easy to diagnose. For example, my friend who was diagnosed it took a good portion of her life to figure out what was happening. Like she was diagnosed in her early teens, mainly because her mum wanted to know what was happening with her daughter when the doctors kept saying 'idk what's happening.'




    Sorry, that wasn't clear....I meant the people armchair diagnosing (or non-diagnosing but still bringing up diagnoses) for the LW.

    My main issue was that people are not Aspurgers or any diagnosis. They're people with Aspurgers or managing Aspurgers or whatever, but I think it's really harmful to say people are their diagnosis.


    Oh my bad! I thought you were referring to me :)

    Tbh given the information, it makes sense. Despite we aren't doctors. But given how LW is reacting, I feel like my friends would react the same.

    Does it mean I'm assuming? Maybe, but it just makes sense in the situation give.















  • I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.
    Armchair diagnosing is problematic at best, and misinformative at worst. 

    But can I  just point out that people ARE NOT their diagnosis. I don't know if this was a typo or just a shortening of "are on the spectrum" or what, but it totally raised my eyebrows when I read it.








    I'm not 'armchair diagnosing'. They are both diagnosed from doctors.

    Tbh aspergers isn't easy to diagnose. For example, my friend who was diagnosed it took a good portion of her life to figure out what was happening. Like she was diagnosed in her early teens, mainly because her mum wanted to know what was happening with her daughter when the doctors kept saying 'idk what's happening.'






    Sorry, that wasn't clear....I meant the people armchair diagnosing (or non-diagnosing but still bringing up diagnoses) for the LW.

    My main issue was that people are not Aspurgers or any diagnosis. They're people with Aspurgers or managing Aspurgers or whatever, but I think it's really harmful to say people are their diagnosis.




    Oh my bad! I thought you were referring to me :)

    Tbh given the information, it makes sense. Despite we aren't doctors. But given how LW is reacting, I feel like my friends would react the same.

    Does it mean I'm assuming? Maybe, but it just makes sense in the situation give.


    You're still missing @JediElizabeth's point. You referred to your friends as "Aspergers", rather than as people who have Aspergers. Their disorder does not define them as a whole. They are people first.
























  • I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.
    Armchair diagnosing is problematic at best, and misinformative at worst. 

    But can I  just point out that people ARE NOT their diagnosis. I don't know if this was a typo or just a shortening of "are on the spectrum" or what, but it totally raised my eyebrows when I read it.










    I'm not 'armchair diagnosing'. They are both diagnosed from doctors.

    Tbh aspergers isn't easy to diagnose. For example, my friend who was diagnosed it took a good portion of her life to figure out what was happening. Like she was diagnosed in her early teens, mainly because her mum wanted to know what was happening with her daughter when the doctors kept saying 'idk what's happening.'








    Sorry, that wasn't clear....I meant the people armchair diagnosing (or non-diagnosing but still bringing up diagnoses) for the LW.

    My main issue was that people are not Aspurgers or any diagnosis. They're people with Aspurgers or managing Aspurgers or whatever, but I think it's really harmful to say people are their diagnosis.






    Oh my bad! I thought you were referring to me :)

    Tbh given the information, it makes sense. Despite we aren't doctors. But given how LW is reacting, I feel like my friends would react the same.

    Does it mean I'm assuming? Maybe, but it just makes sense in the situation give.




    You're still missing @JediElizabeth's point. You referred to your friends as "Aspergers", rather than as people who have Aspergers. Their disorder does not define them as a whole. They are people first.


    I wasn't. I meant it as I have friends who are diagnosed with Aspergers.
    Also - for reference - Aspergers isn't a spectrum. It's not on the autism spectrum anymore. {it's a recent change fyi}

    For reference, for years my friends and I didn't know the official diagnoses of my friend and once we did there was zero change in how we treated her. Only change was understanding why she did the things she did.



































  • I have a friend and M has a friend - both are Aspergers. Both are socially awkward.
    I would typically figure those who have Aspergers are typically socially awkward. It's not bashing, it's just a fact for a good portion of those who are dealing with it. Some aren't as bad as others.
    If it was said rudely, then yes it would be bashing.
    Armchair diagnosing is problematic at best, and misinformative at worst. 

    But can I  just point out that people ARE NOT their diagnosis. I don't know if this was a typo or just a shortening of "are on the spectrum" or what, but it totally raised my eyebrows when I read it.












    I'm not 'armchair diagnosing'. They are both diagnosed from doctors.

    Tbh aspergers isn't easy to diagnose. For example, my friend who was diagnosed it took a good portion of her life to figure out what was happening. Like she was diagnosed in her early teens, mainly because her mum wanted to know what was happening with her daughter when the doctors kept saying 'idk what's happening.'










    Sorry, that wasn't clear....I meant the people armchair diagnosing (or non-diagnosing but still bringing up diagnoses) for the LW.

    My main issue was that people are not Aspurgers or any diagnosis. They're people with Aspurgers or managing Aspurgers or whatever, but I think it's really harmful to say people are their diagnosis.








    Oh my bad! I thought you were referring to me :)

    Tbh given the information, it makes sense. Despite we aren't doctors. But given how LW is reacting, I feel like my friends would react the same.

    Does it mean I'm assuming? Maybe, but it just makes sense in the situation give.






    You're still missing @JediElizabeth's point. You referred to your friends as "Aspergers", rather than as people who have Aspergers. Their disorder does not define them as a whole. They are people first.




    I wasn't. I meant it as I have friends who are diagnosed with Aspergers.
    Also - for reference - Aspergers isn't a spectrum. It's not on the autism spectrum anymore. {it's a recent change fyi}

    For reference, for years my friends and I didn't know the official diagnoses of my friend and once we did there was zero change in how we treated her. Only change was understanding why she did the things she did.



    Aspergers is absolutely on the spectrum.  It doesn't have a separate entry in the most recent DSM because it's now considered part of ASD, which is literally on the spectrum.  It is the spectrum.

  • Heffalump said:





    Sorry, that wasn't clear....I meant the people armchair diagnosing (or non-diagnosing but still bringing up diagnoses) for the LW.

    My main issue was that people are not Aspurgers or any diagnosis. They're people with Aspurgers or managing Aspurgers or whatever, but I think it's really harmful to say people are their diagnosis.

    Oh my bad! I thought you were referring to me :)

    Tbh given the information, it makes sense. Despite we aren't doctors. But given how LW is reacting, I feel like my friends would react the same.

    Does it mean I'm assuming? Maybe, but it just makes sense in the situation give.

    You're still missing @JediElizabeth's point. You referred to your friends as "Aspergers", rather than as people who have Aspergers. Their disorder does not define them as a whole. They are people first.

    I wasn't. I meant it as I have friends who are diagnosed with Aspergers.
    Also - for reference - Aspergers isn't a spectrum. It's not on the autism spectrum anymore. {it's a recent change fyi}

    For reference, for years my friends and I didn't know the official diagnoses of my friend and once we did there was zero change in how we treated her. Only change was understanding why she did the things she did.


    Aspergers is absolutely on the spectrum.  It doesn't have a separate entry in the most recent DSM because it's now considered part of ASD, which is literally on the spectrum.  It is the spectrum.


    Asperger syndrome is one of several previously separate subtypes of autism that were folded into the single diagnosis autism spectrum disorder (ASD) with the publication of the DSM-5 diagnostic manual in 2013.

    https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome

  • Heffalump said:


    Aspergers is absolutely on the spectrum.  It doesn't have a separate entry in the most recent DSM because it's now considered part of ASD, which is literally on the spectrum.  It is the spectrum.


    I didn't know it was on the spectrum. I had to look it up. It was apparently added in 2013. 




  • Heffalump said:



    Aspergers is absolutely on the spectrum.  It doesn't have a separate entry in the most recent DSM because it's now considered part of ASD, which is literally on the spectrum.  It is the spectrum.




    I didn't know it was on the spectrum. I had to look it up. It was apparently added in 2013. 


    I guess I'm misunderstanding .... because what I got was that it was separate from the autism spectrum :\



  • I guess I'm misunderstanding .... because what I got was that it was separate from the autism spectrum :\


    Asperger syndrome is one of several previously separate subtypes of autism that were folded into the single diagnosis autism spectrum disorder (ASD) with the publication of the DSM-5 diagnostic manual in 2013. Asperger syndrome was generally considered to be on the “high functioning” end of the spectrum.

    From autismspeaks.org







  • I guess I'm misunderstanding .... because what I got was that it was separate from the autism spectrum :\




    Asperger syndrome is one of several previously separate subtypes of autism that were folded into the single diagnosis autism spectrum disorder (ASD) with the publication of the DSM-5 diagnostic manual in 2013. Asperger syndrome was generally considered to be on the “high functioning” end of the spectrum.

    From autismspeaks.org



    This.
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