Kids@ the wedding dilemma

Re: Kids@ the wedding dilemma

• lyndausvi mod

  

  April 2017

  Not really.   You shouldn't break up families like that.   It would be hard for your future brother or sister-in-law also.  
  
  
  That said, at least in my own social group, nieces and nephews of the couple are invited to weddings when other people's kids are not.  Just invite your/their niece and/or nephew.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  April 2017

  
  

  Knottief08cb9be65c69dae said:

  
  

  hello all,
  
  so I decided I do not want kids under 18 at the wedding. I would like to have FH niece who is 5 and will be 6 for the wedding. The problem arises because the parents are having a second child and I do not want infants at the wedding. Is there a proper way to address this?
  
  thank you

  
  

  
  You are well within your rights to limit the age of your guests.  But it is not appropriate to invite some siblings while omitting others from the same family unit.  The proper way to address this is to decide whether having the 6 year old is important enough to include her infant sibling.  If you do not want infants at the wedding, then do not invite your niece.
  
  Do you know whether your FH's siblings will be able to attend the wedding without bringing their children?
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2017

  
  
  

  Knottief08cb9be65c69dae said:

  
  
  

  hello all,
  
  so I decided I do not want kids under 18 at the wedding. I would like to have FH niece who is 5 and will be 6 for the wedding. The problem arises because the parents are having a second child and I do not want infants at the wedding. Is there a proper way to address this?
  
  thank you

  
  
  

  
  
  There is no proper way to split up a family; either invite both children or neither of the children. It will also be incredibly difficult for the parents to be away from their newborn (who is likely eating every two hours or so) for that length of time. 

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2017 edited April 2017

  No. You shouldn't invite one sibling and not the other. 
  
  Please think your decision through carefully. You're not obligated to invite the children, but it's the parents right to decide if their children are old enough to be left with a sitter. That may mean that one or both parents might not attend your wedding.
  
  

                     

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• AddieCake member

  

  April 2017

  You won't even notice the infant, who will probably sleep most of the time, at the wedding. Just let him come; it'd be rude not to. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• banana468 member

  

  April 2017

  Echoing all others, please just invite the entire family - mom, dad, daughter and infant as one unit.
  
  It's rather rude to split up siblings of one household but beyond that, I think you may not be thinking this through.
  
  Some infants may cry - but other than that, they don't really DO anything.  
  
  However if you opt to do what you want you're putting the parents in an awkward position.
  -You're essentially telling the immediate family of your FI that you only one ONE of their children there.   It's not  a very friendly message.
  -The logistics of this are a potential pain.   Not all moms nurse but I nursed/pumped for both of my children.   You can't simply NOT nurse or pump.   It's like telling you to eat everything and drink everything your normally do but skip a trip to the bathroom.   The results can be painful and possibly messy.  If I was invited to a wedding when either kid was little and nursing and they weren't welcome we would have declined.   It's not even the fact that the kiddo wasn't welcomed.  It's the need to find a place to pump, store, and repeat the process every 3 hours or so.  It's loud, standard pumps take up a lot of space and it takes a good 20 minutes to empty and you really need a private place to do it for best results - not to mention storage.
  
  OR, you just throw the kid on, let him latch and do his thing.   With or without a cover, it's discreet.   I nursed Chiquito throughout a wedding and it took about 2 hours into the reception for someone to say, "There's a BABY under there!?"  
  
  When Chiquito was young, I'd nurse him through Mass as a means to keep him quiet.  Now that he's 2, he rarely makes it for more than 40 minutes before he and DH go on a walk.   Even today at Easter Mass with all the people, flowers and songs, dude didn't last and I'm now washing his shirt that he colored on because paper isn't cool.
  
  My point: I think you're more than fine to invite the children of your siblings and not the children of anyone else.   If you don't want babies at all, don't invite the 6 yo either, and please know that the baby is quieter and easier than older kids. 
  
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2017

  I think that if you don't want the infant there, I would declare the whole event adults-only (just not on the invitations) and not invite any children. A completely no-children event will go over far better (and be polite) than inviting the older child and not the infant.
  

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• ahoywedding member

  

  April 2017

  How old will the infant be by the time of your wedding? I've been to a few weddings with tiny babies and barely noticed them. The parents may also choose to have a babysitter for just the infant OR bring none of their kids. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2017

  There is no etiquette-approved way to do this. The reason is because it's considered rude to split families.
  
  From an etiquette standpoint, your options are: 1) to invite both the infant and the 6 year old, or 2) only invite the parents. 
  
  If the 6 year old is part of your wedding party (e.g. flower girl), she must be invited to the reception. Which would mean that the infant must also be invited to everything as well. 

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• levioosa member

  

  April 2017

  This cracks me up because the six year old is probably going to be the more disruptive of the two. Ditto PPs on invite etiquette. 
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  April 2017

  What @banana468 and others said!  It's an "All or nothing" invite, never break up families.  Honestly, if I was still in the EP phase with a LO, sucks to not be there, but nope, not going to your wedding because it's a shi**y thing to do to a sibling.  And 20 minutes to pump - try 45-50 for the slow letdown producers in the crowd.  
  
  Another thought - These are your your/FI's siblings' kids (Your nieces & nephews, not random fourth cousin removed), invite them.  It's not worth the drama this will likely create within the core family nor asking a FSIL/FBIL to make the choice to stay home or attend their sibling's wedding (each parent decides when they're comfortable leaving the child with a sitter outside of family since all their family options will likely be at the wedding).  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2017

  hello all sorry for the delayed response.  I had trouble trying to locate my original post ..as crazy as that sounds.
  
  I agree that it is an all or nothing type of situation. I appreciate everyone's response! We are still undecided at this point if we are going to have a flower girl.
  
  thanks all!
  

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