Salon Attire

flantastic · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

I give up lol. Thanks for everyone who helped out with suggestions!

Translation - "This idea is still cute to me and I don't really care if my friends don't like it, still gonna happen."

We give up too. Sorry for trying to make your friends look like friends and not wedding props.

Knottie1473798315 · July 2017

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

banana468 · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

A lot of us chime in because we think it's quite possible your BMs may think of this too.

My own DH doesn't wear clothing that hasn't been laundered. I always wash clothing before my kids wear anything. Not everyone feels that way but some do.

I get the idea of wanting a look. The photos look cute. But it seems a little backhanded to tell the BMs the night before what they are wearing for such a short period of time.

Quite honestly, the day of prep can be chaotic and a bit overwhelming. I think having one less thing to care about can actually help feel like you're more prepared rather than focus on one more way that things need to look correct for a cohesive photo.

Think about other times in your life when you were photographed with friends or family. Do you care if you're all matching in the shots or do you care that you're smiling?

flantastic · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

Because empathy. We care about your BMs not having to wear something they don't like/don't feel comfortable in/can't have washed just because you think getting ready pictures are more important than their comfort.

Also because if brides here get the idea that their friends' feelings are more important than cute pictures, and maybe get some perspective on what sort of shit does not matter, then fewer of us in future will have to be subjected to micromanaging shit like "You're wearing this shirt and someone will be taking photos of you while you are not yet photogenic, because I have to control everything around my wedding."

And a little bit because we care about you, and want you to have one less totally unnecessary thing to worry about around your wedding, and not have your friends think, "Oh, great, she really does not trust my style or common sense, what a great friend she is."

I do have a life, thanks for asking.

charlotte989875 · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

Look, you can do what you want. There are no etiquette police that will track you down. If you're set on doing this, have at it, it's not such a big thing that it's going to cause a big scene. Really matching shirts/hoodies/button-ups are not anything to get so worked up about.

The reason many people chime in on this is because many of us have been in many, many weddings; have planned weddings, and have learned from those experiences.

FTR, I had my BMs wear the same color dress from the same designer and they chose the style, and I wish I hadn't done that. I really wish I had just said "here's my dress and the venue, wear anything you like you'll feel beautiful in" and left it at that. Looking back I think it's silly I asked them to buy a dress they'll never wear again just because I got married. I share that not because I think I'm better than anyone, but so others can maybe not make the same mistakes I did.

But hey, if you think your closest friends and family matching their outfits while they're getting ready is going to make or break your wedding then have at it.

flantastic · July 2017

charlotte989875 said:

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

Look, you can do what you want. There are no etiquette police that will track you down. If you're set on doing this, have at it, it's not such a big thing that it's going to cause a big scene. Really matching shirts/hoodies/button-ups are not anything to get so worked up about.

The reason many people chime in on this is because many of us have been in many, many weddings; have planned weddings, and have learned from those experiences.

FTR, I had my BMs wear the same color dress from the same designer and they chose the style, and I wish I hadn't done that. I really wish I had just said "here's my dress and the venue, wear anything you like you'll feel beautiful in" and left it at that. Looking back I think it's silly I asked them to buy a dress they'll never wear again just because I got married. I share that not because I think I'm better than anyone, but so others can maybe not make the same mistakes I did.

But hey, if you think your closest friends and family matching their outfits while they're getting ready is going to make or break your wedding then have at it.

I am in this boat exactly. I did this and I now feel this way. There was no reason they needed to spend $200 apiece on something they didn't fully get to choose as a new piece of cocktail attire. It just doesn't matter that much. My pictures would have been lovely because they had beautiful people whom I love and who were happy in what they were wearing and it was a joyful day for all of us. Dare I say those pictures would even have been more real, more true to life.

MobKaz · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

Nope. I am an old, married hag. I don't troll the boards to be obnoxious. I post because it is the only break my poor, miserable husband gets from me. Never ending posts such as yours are a salvation for him! Bless your heart on his behalf.

climbingsingle · July 2017

Knottie1473798315 said:

You people are relentless. My god. Do any of you have lives or do you troll the wedding forums to be obnoxious?

I said I give up because I'm not going to keep writing back to people who just seem to have neverending opinions because they way they do/did things is just *so much* better and anyone who does anything differently is just wrong. If I still think it's a good idea, why on earth do you care AT ALL?

You asked for opinions. And why do we care? Because some of us have had this forced on us, and IT SUCKS. Trust me that none of your friends will tell you this to your face, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. They've already got to wear a bridesmaid dress for many hours. Why do you need to dictate their getting ready attire too? It's too much. All just for likely 2 pictures.

MandyMost · July 2017

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

ahoywedding · July 2017

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

--stuck in box--

Because, like banana said, during the day is the PREPARATION for the event. How far back do you want to take the "telling them what to wear"? Can a bride dictate what her WP wears to a shower? How about the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner? It's not the fact that the bride doesn't respect her friends' autonomy to dress themselves. The wedding is the event, bridesmaid is a role in the wedding. The role of bridesmaid often comes with an assigned dress. It doesn't come with "and the bride can tell you what to wear all day long."

At the end of the day, it's not a hill to die on. If the entire WP WANTS matching shirts, then go for it. I still think they should be provided by the bride, and given as an option, not required. And if no one wants to match and the getting ready pictures end up not-Pinterest-worthy, no one is going to give a hoot in a few years.

MandyMost · July 2017

I totally agree that the outfits/shirts should be provided by the bride and given as an option, not required.

But where you say "the role of bridesmaid often comes with an assigned dress" as the reason for why it's OK to tell your bridesmaids what to wear is where I disagree. "Because other people do it" doesn't mean it's right! I think it's silly and controlling to tell people what to wear, and to have them dress in matching outfits. Period. You're the one that's setting a rule that it's OK for the wedding itself, but not OK for earlier in the day, or the shower, etc. That just seems so arbitrary to me. It's either OK to dress your friends like matching props or it's not. And if it's OK for the wedding itself, then it should be OK for pre-wedding events.

If you step back from the "because other people do it" aspect of matching bridesmaids dresses, I hope you can see that it's pretty ridiculous to ask your nearest and dearest to wear matching outfits at your wedding. Pick another non-wedding event and imagine asking the guests of honor to wear matching outfits--it seems ridiculous, right?

ahoywedding · July 2017

MandyMost said:

I totally agree that the outfits/shirts should be provided by the bride and given as an option, not required.

But where you say "the role of bridesmaid often comes with an assigned dress" as the reason for why it's OK to tell your bridesmaids what to wear is where I disagree. "Because other people do it" doesn't mean it's right! I think it's silly and controlling to tell people what to wear, and to have them dress in matching outfits. Period. You're the one that's setting a rule that it's OK for the wedding itself, but not OK for earlier in the day, or the shower, etc. That just seems so arbitrary to me. It's either OK to dress your friends like matching props or it's not. And if it's OK for the wedding itself, then it should be OK for pre-wedding events.

If you step back from the "because other people do it" aspect of matching bridesmaids dresses, I hope you can see that it's pretty ridiculous to ask your nearest and dearest to wear matching outfits at your wedding. Pick another non-wedding event and imagine asking the guests of honor to wear matching outfits--it seems ridiculous, right?

Honestly, I think even a lot of the matchy-matchy dress trends for BMs are kind of going out of style. If you look at a lot of what's trendy now, a lot of brides are giving looser guidelines and letting the BMs pick something they like. Personally, I like that a lot better, having been in a few super matchy weddings (including getting ready outfits). The other side of that is I think most people, when asked to be a BM, figure they'll have to wear something roughly of the bride's choosing for the wedding. As unfair as it is to say "hey that's how it is," I think it's assumed by most people, so they just roll with it. But saying that the bride gets to dictate their entire day just seems a little extra. Again, it's not the end of the world and if everyone wants to, it can be cute.

banana468 · July 2017

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

@MandyMost some of your recent posts seem to be adversarial for the sake of an argument (the standing for 10 minutes = a ruined night comes to mind).

The preparation for the event isn't the event itself. It just isn't anymore than me cleaning my house for my annual turkey fry is the turkey fry. It's getting ready which may or may not be done as a group but it's not an event with a dress code.

The wedding and receptions are the main event. The general agreed consensus is that when you sign up to be a bridesmaid you are agreeing within reason to wear the desired attire. I can completely get behind the concept of moving more towards simply requesting that the BMs wear a desired color and possibly length / formality as something simple and easy. However IMO, going with a dress that all BMs can agree to for style and color and that meets their budgets is not a bad thing.

I guess I LITERALLY cannot comprehend how you think getting ready for hair and makeup compares to an event where you stand by your close friend or relative while s/he vows to be with joined to someone for life.

MandyMost · July 2017

banana468 said:

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

@MandyMost some of your recent posts seem to be adversarial for the sake of an argument (the standing for 10 minutes = a ruined night comes to mind).

The preparation for the event isn't the event itself. It just isn't anymore than me cleaning my house for my annual turkey fry is the turkey fry. It's getting ready which may or may not be done as a group but it's not an event with a dress code.

The wedding and receptions are the main event. The general agreed consensus is that when you sign up to be a bridesmaid you are agreeing within reason to wear the desired attire. I can completely get behind the concept of moving more towards simply requesting that the BMs wear a desired color and possibly length / formality as something simple and easy. However IMO, going with a dress that all BMs can agree to for style and color and that meets their budgets is not a bad thing.

I guess I LITERALLY cannot comprehend how you think getting ready for hair and makeup compares to an event where you stand by your close friend or relative while s/he vows to be with joined to someone for life.

Definitely not being adversarial for the sake of it! But I definitely do enjoy pointing out the hypocrisy of a lot of wedding "traditions" and trends that many people seem to close their eyes to simply because "everyone does it".

Yes, I still think it really sucked and affected my evening to be blatantly locked out of a building standing in the parking lot in bad weather for 10 minutes. It STILL shocks me that people think it's acceptable to treat their guests that way.

Yes, I still think that telling your nearest and dearest to wear a specific outfit in order to stand by you while you vow to be joined to someone for life is ridiculous, even if it's done by almost everyone.

And Yes, I think it makes no sense whatsoever that people accept it hands down that you can require the matching outfits for the wedding but that you are a terrible person if you even suggest matching outfits for earlier in the day.

I'll stop responding to this thread. I hope you have a great wedding and no one is left standing in the parking lot, and the matching outfits are only required for the appropriately designated blocks of time.

flantastic · July 2017

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

@MandyMost some of your recent posts seem to be adversarial for the sake of an argument (the standing for 10 minutes = a ruined night comes to mind).

The preparation for the event isn't the event itself. It just isn't anymore than me cleaning my house for my annual turkey fry is the turkey fry. It's getting ready which may or may not be done as a group but it's not an event with a dress code.

The wedding and receptions are the main event. The general agreed consensus is that when you sign up to be a bridesmaid you are agreeing within reason to wear the desired attire. I can completely get behind the concept of moving more towards simply requesting that the BMs wear a desired color and possibly length / formality as something simple and easy. However IMO, going with a dress that all BMs can agree to for style and color and that meets their budgets is not a bad thing.

I guess I LITERALLY cannot comprehend how you think getting ready for hair and makeup compares to an event where you stand by your close friend or relative while s/he vows to be with joined to someone for life.

Definitely not being adversarial for the sake of it! But I definitely do enjoy pointing out the hypocrisy of a lot of wedding "traditions" and trends that many people seem to close their eyes to simply because "everyone does it".

Yes, I still think it really sucked and affected my evening to be blatantly locked out of a building standing in the parking lot in bad weather for 10 minutes. It STILL shocks me that people think it's acceptable to treat their guests that way.

Yes, I still think that telling your nearest and dearest to wear a specific outfit in order to stand by you while you vow to be joined to someone for life is ridiculous, even if it's done by almost everyone.

And Yes, I think it makes no sense whatsoever that people accept it hands down that you can require the matching outfits for the wedding but that you are a terrible person if you even suggest matching outfits for earlier in the day.

I'll stop responding to this thread. I hope you have a great wedding and no one is left standing in the parking lot, and the matching outfits are only required for the appropriately designated blocks of time.

I think the main point of that thread you're referencing with the first bolded was that it likely wasn't really the hosts' fault, in addition to it being not that big a deal. And your exaggeration in the second bolded actually doesn't help your point.

I agree that we should start to question when someone asks us for specific attire for an event, but Banana's point still stands that an event and something that is totally unofficial, as getting ready is, are different things.

banana468 · July 2017

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

MandyMost said:

banana468 said:

I think there's a HUGE difference between matching attire for a large event with guests in attendance and matching attire for the preparation for that event.

Can you explain what the difference is? You're telling your friends what they have to wear on a certain day for a certain amount of time.

If you're OK with telling your bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, then I literally cannot comprehend how you can be against telling them to wear matching shirts earlier in the day. You either respect people's autonomy to dress themselves or you don't.

People had a good point about making sure people have time to launder the item before you expect them to wear it. Giving it at the rehearsal dinner is probably a bad idea. Maybe you could give them as gifts at the shower (before/after) or bachelorette if someone is throwing you one.

@MandyMost some of your recent posts seem to be adversarial for the sake of an argument (the standing for 10 minutes = a ruined night comes to mind).

The preparation for the event isn't the event itself. It just isn't anymore than me cleaning my house for my annual turkey fry is the turkey fry. It's getting ready which may or may not be done as a group but it's not an event with a dress code.

The wedding and receptions are the main event. The general agreed consensus is that when you sign up to be a bridesmaid you are agreeing within reason to wear the desired attire. I can completely get behind the concept of moving more towards simply requesting that the BMs wear a desired color and possibly length / formality as something simple and easy. However IMO, going with a dress that all BMs can agree to for style and color and that meets their budgets is not a bad thing.

I guess I LITERALLY cannot comprehend how you think getting ready for hair and makeup compares to an event where you stand by your close friend or relative while s/he vows to be with joined to someone for life.

Definitely not being adversarial for the sake of it! But I definitely do enjoy pointing out the hypocrisy of a lot of wedding "traditions" and trends that many people seem to close their eyes to simply because "everyone does it".

Yes, I still think it really sucked and affected my evening to be blatantly locked out of a building standing in the parking lot in bad weather for 10 minutes. It STILL shocks me that people think it's acceptable to treat their guests that way.

Yes, I still think that telling your nearest and dearest to wear a specific outfit in order to stand by you while you vow to be joined to someone for life is ridiculous, even if it's done by almost everyone.

And Yes, I think it makes no sense whatsoever that people accept it hands down that you can require the matching outfits for the wedding but that you are a terrible person if you even suggest matching outfits for earlier in the day.

I'll stop responding to this thread. I hope you have a great wedding and no one is left standing in the parking lot, and the matching outfits are only required for the appropriately designated blocks of time.

I think your posts lately look for ways to be upset. If you were standing outside in the parking lot for 10 minutes, you could have GONE BACK IN YOUR CAR where you wouldn't be in the bad weather. If you knew that it would be raining when you got OUT of the car then prepare for how you walk in the rain. Don't blame the couple for it. It's not on them that you had to walk in bad weather. The VENUE did it. Not the couple.

When it comes to attire, the one rule that we tell brides is that the only things that they can expect from their BMs are to wear the agreed upon attire for the event that they show up to on time. I can understand your point that the matching dress situation is silly and if I had to do it all over again I probably would have said, "Get a black knee length cocktail dress that's Catholic church appropriate," but my MOH and two BMs all agreed to the dress and I picked up the tab. I do agree that it would be great to have the trend start to be more relaxed with a BM / MOH simply dressing for the formality of the occasion but it's not against etiquette for a bride to do otherwise. I read your posts as stomping your feet against this .

To the bolded, you know I've been married for nearly 10 years right? It's not an event in the future for me. I have a milestone anniversary in 3 weeks. The day was fantastic, the venue was opened to guests as soon as they showed up, there was no gap, and my WP liked their attire, picked their own shoes for the wedding ceremony (and changed into flip flops for the reception if they felt like it).

Salon Attire

Re: Salon Attire

Choose Another Board

Search Boards