My FI and I are trying to plan a fairly small and casual wedding/reception. Originally, we were only inviting immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings) and close friends. This totaled about 45 people. However, FI later admitted that he would regret if we did not invite his aunts, uncles, and cousins. This added another 10 adults and 2 infants, and I completely stand behind this decision. His family is rather close-knit, and we see all these people every holiday. FI and I have been together almost 10 years, and I know all of these family members pretty well. I agree that it would have been weird to have our wedding without them.
The problem comes when we get to my side of the family. As of now, only my parents, siblings, and grandmother are on the list, despite inviting FI's extended family. My family is not very close, and has a tendency to feud with each other and hold major grudges. Many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have never even met my FI, despite us being together for so long. My family is also larger, as my mother has 5 siblings. Here is what my family looks like:
- Uncle #1: lives nearby, see on holidays, knows FI. My mom is feuding with his GF over doggie daycare related issues
- Uncle #2: pretty much a hermit. Only see him at funerals. Never met FI
- Aunt: Feuding with my mom for around 15 years, stemming from unadopting a cousin and something to do with a stove. It's complicated, and I don't know the whole story. Has never met FI. Has a wife who can be pretty judgemental, but I always kind of liked anyway. Was a role-model to me as a child, and I would love to have a better relationship with her, but she recently blocked me on facebook (idk why, we weren't fighting or anything).
- Uncle #3: lives nearby, see on holidays, knows FI. Offered to make or alter my dress for me. Has BF who is also pretty awesome
- Uncle #4: lives on the opposite coast, see on holidays occasionally.
I guess my question is, would it be weird to only invite some of my aunts/uncles? Or would it be better to either invite them all, or invite none of them? What would you do?
As far as cousins, I have way too many for us to afford to invite them all. And I don't really feel obligated, since many of them did not invite me to their weddings either (I'm not upset by this, I understand the desire to keep it small and affordable!). I think they will understand not getting an invite, even if their parents do.
Also, it should be noted that FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, aside from my dress (my mom is paying) and the open bar (FIL is paying).