Etiquette

Asking for parents help for wedding in our 30s

My fiancé and are I are both in our early 30s and plan on paying for the wedding mostly ourselves. Is there a certain age where it becomes no longer appropiate to ask if your parents would like to contribute financially to your wedding?

Re: Asking for parents help for wedding in our 30s

  • My fiancé and are I are both in our early 30s and plan on paying for the wedding mostly ourselves. Is there a certain age where it becomes no longer appropiate to ask if your parents would like to contribute financially to your wedding?
    Never. People can offer contributions but outright asking for them, at any age, is inappropriate and rude. It also puts the askee in a bad spot because they may feel guilted into contributing when they wouldn't otherwise.

    You can get married incredibly cheap, no familial contributions necessary. If you want an expensive wedding then you pay for the expensive wedding with your own money or money offered to you (remembering that money means strings).
  • I should add, if someone is old enough to make the adult decision to get married, they should pay for their party themselves. 

    In short, it is never ok to ask for money. For anything, really. But especially not for a party. 
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    It is never appropriate to ask for money, especially for a party. Adult decisions sometimes come with reality slaps, like the fact that you want the $70K wedding but need to scale back to fit your own personal budget of $10K. Most people here planned and paid for their own weddings. If your parents bring up paying for something, you can ask them what they would like to contribute (is dad big on music? Does mom really value an open bar?). Remember that money comes with strings, and sometimes those strings aren't worth it. 


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    TrixieJessSP29ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    I've said this before on these boards: I think it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. We had always told DD that we would pay for her wedding. When she and SIL became engaged it was just assumed on both our parts. However, she did call and ask for a budget before we had the chance to contact her about it. If your parents have never indicated that they would pay for a wedding, I wouldn't ask but if they have you could couch it as a "I know you said you would help pay for a wedding- are you still planning on that" kind of inquiry. 
    I agree, if parents generically offered in the past before a wedding was even on the table, you could follow up. My parents gave my sister some unknown sum when she got married, and told me- when I was single- they'd give me an identical amount when my time came. Luckily I didn't have to ask, but if they didn't mention it, I would have been comfortable saying something like, "So... just wondering, you said you gave Sister a contribution, can you still do that for me or....?"
    But, if they've never mentioned it before... it is rude to ask. 
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    SP29ahoyweddingshort+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • SP29SP29
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I've said this before on these boards: I think it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. We had always told DD that we would pay for her wedding. When she and SIL became engaged it was just assumed on both our parts. However, she did call and ask for a budget before we had the chance to contact her about it. If your parents have never indicated that they would pay for a wedding, I wouldn't ask but if they have you could couch it as a "I know you said you would help pay for a wedding- are you still planning on that" kind of inquiry. 
    But in your case, you already made the offer.

    Fine to accept someone's offer of money, but not appropriate to ask or expect for help to pay for a wedding.
    STARMOON44
  • I've said this before on these boards: I think it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. We had always told DD that we would pay for her wedding. When she and SIL became engaged it was just assumed on both our parts. However, she did call and ask for a budget before we had the chance to contact her about it. If your parents have never indicated that they would pay for a wedding, I wouldn't ask but if they have you could couch it as a "I know you said you would help pay for a wedding- are you still planning on that" kind of inquiry. 
    I think this is fair - basically, you'd be following up on an offer that's already been made. But if nothing's ever been said about their helping you pay for the wedding, you can't just ask. In that case, you need to assume you are paying for the wedding entirely on your own until someone offers, and plan accordingly.
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    STARMOON44short+sassy
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