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Hyphenation Nightmare???

kristina30127kristina30127
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in Georgia-Atlanta
My fiancee is working to hyphenate his last name (taking on his mother's maiden name and his father's surname). I had no intention of hyphenating my last name once we got married, I intended to drop my maiden name (assuming he would having the same name he has had for the 10 years that I have known him). Embarassed We are now 5 months out from the wedding and he has decided now to do this. The problem is I fear that taking on his "new" last name will create problems down the line.

1. my ancestry will essentially disappear (assuming that someone would think his mother's maiden name is in fact my maiden name)

2. hyphenated names typically get lost in translation, especially in computer systems

3. Fearful of how this will actually effect any children that we have.
 
We have been arguing this one for the past 2 weeks. Please help. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Is there anyone out there that is experiencing this? If so how is it working out?
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Re: Hyphenation Nightmare???

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    HYDROPHILEHYDROPHILE
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    edited December 2011
    I don't see how your ancestry will disappear.  It's just the legal name attached to your own.  It won't affect lineage/ancestry.  For example, if someone one day decides to find you on an ancestry website, it will show that your maiden name was one thing, and your married name is another.

    I don't know what advice I can give though as I've never heard of a male hyphenating his name in such a manner :\ However, I don't see it as being a problem. 

    If your name is Mary Susan Smith, and your husband's name is Christopher Jones-Rogers, would you be Mary Susan Jones-Rogers, or would you be Mary Smith Jones-Rogers?

    In the movie, "Auntie Mame," she marries Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside and becomes Mame Burnside so maybe you would become Mary Rogers?


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    mari0225mari0225
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    edited December 2011
    Haha I love Auntie Mame!

    Yes, either way you're giving up your name for his, you had intended on doing that so  i'm not sure I see the problem. Your maiden name will always be yours and people will look for you by that name as well, so your ancestry won't die out.
    image
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    HYDROPHILEHYDROPHILE
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think the confusion comes with marrying a husband with a hyphenated name and people thinking her maiden name is his mother's maiden name.   My question would be why does he want to do this in the first place? Bride-envy? ;)  (kidding.)


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    kristina30127kristina30127
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    That is my next issue. I'm not really sure how to approach the "new" last name situation. Using your example of Christopher Jones-Rogers. I have known him always as Christopher Jones (he was given his mothers maiden name for his last name). Before he went to legalize his last name, I recommended that he add Jones as a middle name and we would officially become "The Rogers" but he did not want to do this because he says he has always been known as Christopher Jones. (I didn't really see a difference if you ask me). But thank you for your input. Laughing

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    kristina30127kristina30127
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_hyphenation-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:58Discussion:87621aeb-54d7-4895-84bd-1314561f45f9Post:de5e5cac-c0dc-4768-8981-95997d32af81">Re: Hyphenation Nightmare???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the confusion comes with marrying a husband with a hyphenated name and people thinking her maiden name is his mother's maiden name.   My question would be why does he want to do this in the first place? Bride-envy? ;)  (kidding.)
    Posted by HYDROPHILE[/QUOTE]

    This is precisely the issue, people assuming his mother's maiden name is mine. Typically when you see a hyphenated name it is because the woman has decided to hold onto her maiden name(for business purposes most of the time) and add her husbands surname as well.

    Why he wants to do this?...Now this is the question to trump all questions. I've asked, and all I get is "because I want to." I have my own assumptions as to why. I think he wants to "belong". His mother married when he was 2 yrs old. So of course his mom, sister, and stepfather all have the same name and he doesn't. But what I really don't understand is why now? I have no idea.
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    HYDROPHILEHYDROPHILE
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So why doesn't he just do a legal name change to "Jones" (using my example.)
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    emily040311emily040311
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am in a very similar situation.  My now husband has a hyphenated last name, specifically hismothersname-hisfathersname.  Apparently the order of the last names was decided by a coin toss.  Better yet, his mother isn't quite sure why she did it, she says it seemed like the thing to do at the time and she hated her in-laws so I think it was also a dig at them.  So we are now faced with the mess of deciding what to do for ourselves and for our children hoping we are blessed with children one day.  We actually got married on the 7 year anniversary of our first date, so we had plenty of time to discuss the situation and have still not reached a decision about what to do.  I have the exact same 3 concerns that you do and after 7 years of reflection I believe that all 3 are well founded concerns. 

    The difference on my end I guess is that my husband was born with his hyphenated last name, so to him it is the only last name he has known, so I understand why he feels weird about either dropping one of the names or removing the hyphen and making one name of the two.  He recognizes the problems that hyphenated last names create, having experienced problems all his life, but doesn't feel right about any of the proposed solutions we have come up with.  So for now I still legally operate under my maiden name and the debate continues on.  I, like you, had fully planned on taking my husbands last name when I one day married and had absolutely no plans to hyphenate and I too found the prospect of dealing with a hyphenated last name where neither of the last names were from my family quite distressing. 

    Since my husband's last names are both short, 4 letters each, my vote is to drop the hyphen and make the two names into one.  This way it will still sound the same way when spoken, but we won't have to deal with picking one last name over the other or deal with the aforementioned problems with hyphenated last names.  If you don't figure it out by the wedding, you can do what we did... as we entered the ballroom for our first dance the lead singer of our band introduced us by saying something like, "for the first time as husband and wife, emily and david" no mention of last name.  We shall see...  right now though we are just focused on having fun being newlyweds...

    I would be interested to know though why he feels that he wants to hyphenate his last name at this point in time.  Whatever his reasons, please know that you are not alone in your situation or feelings about marrying a man who has a hyphenated last name.

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