Etiquette

Guest Wanting Plus Ones!! So Rude!

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Re: Guest Wanting Plus Ones!! So Rude!

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Yay for me giving everyone a plus one.  I had NO drama.   On top of that most of my truly singles didn't even bring a plus one.   Want to bring a different travel buddy?  Sure.  No problem.  My own SIL and BIL brought random dates.    NDB.    In the end, I was prepared for plus ones, last minute SOs, switching out of SO, whatever.  However, I ended up spending less than planned because some people didn't take advantage of the plus one, switch, whatever.  My wedding was also OOT for everyone.


    I will be honest, I do not understand giving a good friend a plus one, but not a former co-worker who has to travel and might not know many other people.   In theory the good friend more than likely knows others.   Plus I feel like ALL guests should be treated equally.  If you don't want to provide a plus one to a random former co-workers, but to a good friend why bother inviting the random co-worker?

      That is me though, you are will within your etiquette rights to do that.  


    Like I think southern said, sure people are being rude, but not intentionally.   Vent  to us and then move on.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    DrillSergeantCatahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • If they are in a relationship I would consider it rude to just say only one can attend (no matter how long they have been in a relationship). If someone needs a travel buddy and are traveling a long ways, I would consider that fine. Outside of those (relationships or travel buddies)... just bringing a random friend seems weird to me. From the random friend's view, why would I want to attend a wedding with a friend when I don't know the couple?

    For the singles, I am writing "and guest" on their envelope because I figure it's more fun for the single person to bring someone with them if they want, rather than not knowing anyone, being bored (especially if they are shy and don't know anyone else at the wedding), and leaving early.
    What's the difference between random friend and travel buddy, though? 
    Sorry, I should have worded that better. I am giving all of our single guests a "+1" and if one party in a couple can't make it (sick, work, etc) and the other party wants to bring a friend, that's fine because it's still 2 and will ensure they have a good time. I meant going above what they are allowed and bringing random extra people along. If they are allowed 2, it doesn't matter who the other person is (spouse, friend, travel buddy, a boyfriend they just started dating the day before, etc).

    I was at a recent wedding and the groom invited his former co-worker & wife. They took it upon themselves to also bring along the wife's daughter, son-in-law, and their 2 kids = 4 extra unplanned meals and the son-in-law certainly helped himself to the open bar. That's what I was getting at about bringing random people. If you are allowed 2, only bring 2. Above that needs to be okay'd by the couple. They didn't have the seat cards and meal slips as everyone else had, so they obviously weren't on the RSVP. In that instance, I can't understand why the daughter/son-in-law/2 kids would even want to attend a wedding for their grandpa's former co-worker who they don't even know. That seems odd to me.

    And I agree with the above post, the guests should be treated equally... not allow some people +1's and others not. Maybe that's why the guests are getting confused since some can bring a guests and others can't. 
  • SP29 said:
    Mircakes said:
    I don't personally think it is that rude to ask for a plus one, especially if the person is traveling and spending a good amount of money to come. For example, I will have many friends and family members traveling across the country to my wedding. I don't have my single friends down as having a plus one, but if they ask, I will definitely say yes. After all, they're going to be dropping at least $300 for the flight (probably more) to get out here, so if they want to bring their mom or their sister, or their new SO, that is fine. The cost of the extra guest isn't going to come close to what they're spending to get out here and support me. 

    But writing in a plus one is kinda rude. I would prefer they actually ask me rather than just writing it in. 
    If they have a new SO, then they're no longer single. They're in a relationship and the SO should be invited. 


    SITB

    At the time invitations are sent. Up to that point in time it is the hosts responsibility to do their due diligence and ensure anyone in a relationship is invited with their SO (by name). If the relationship starts after invitations are sent, the hosts are not required to invite the SO (because how would they know?). Of course if a guest called up and said they have a new SO, it would be nice to extend the invitation. (I'm going by what Mircakes said- guests wanting to bring someone not listed on the invitation).

    Yes. Agreed - I forgot that detail. :)
  • About calling people:  If your parents' names are at the top of your invitation, then this event is being hosted by your parents, and they are the ones requesting people to attend.  So if someone needs to communicate to the guests, it's your mom who makes the calls, and she'll know what to say and what kind of tone to use...
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    About calling people:  If your parents' names are at the top of your invitation, then this event is being hosted by your parents, and they are the ones requesting people to attend.  So if someone needs to communicate to the guests, it's your mom who makes the calls, and she'll know what to say and what kind of tone to use...

    Not necessarily. 

    We put both sets of parents' names on our invitations out of respect and tradition, but we were the ones hosting and all communication was handled by us.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    charlotte989875
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    About calling people:  If your parents' names are at the top of your invitation, then this event is being hosted by your parents, and they are the ones requesting people to attend.  So if someone needs to communicate to the guests, it's your mom who makes the calls, and she'll know what to say and what kind of tone to use...
    H and I hosted DD's wedding. However, when it came to tracking down their friend's RSVP DD contacted them. There is nothing wrong with the bride contacting a guest even if they aren't hosting.
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875PrettyGirlLost
  • About calling people:  If your parents' names are at the top of your invitation, then this event is being hosted by your parents, and they are the ones requesting people to attend.  So if someone needs to communicate to the guests, it's your mom who makes the calls, and she'll know what to say and what kind of tone to use...
    H and I hosted DD's wedding. However, when it came to tracking down their friend's RSVP DD contacted them. There is nothing wrong with the bride contacting a guest even if they aren't hosting.
    Agree, my parents hosted the wedding, but I contacted the people who hadn't responded. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    My parents hosted.  They contacted all the non-responders.   The RSVPs went to their home also.  My mom updated a google documents I sent up so I could see the responses.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I can understand your frustration with someone assuming a plus one. One of my guests wrote on their RSVP "should get plus one" next to # of people. I would have preferred a phone call. =/ 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I can understand your frustration with someone assuming a plus one. One of my guests wrote on their RSVP "should get plus one" next to # of people. I would have preferred a phone call. =/ 
    Is that guest in a relationship?
    image
  • knottie1027knottie1027
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 2017
    @justsie No she is single. My wedding is local and she is friends with other guests at my wedding that will be sitting at the same table as her. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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