Just a tiny vent.

Re: Just a tiny vent.

• levioosa member

  

  August 2017

  scribe95 said:

  Well you said yourself you aren't close to her so I'm not surprised you won't be in her wedding party. Don't worry about it. You can take awesome pictures of your cute guys together and just have fun as a guest. 

  Ditto this. Also, being a guest is 1000% more fun than being a bridesmaid. Just enjoy the wedding. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2017

  I guess you ladies are right her sister said the same thing to just enjoy myself. Believe it or not she didn't even ask her sister to be one!

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• short+sassy member

  

  August 2017

  I know you can't help your feelings, so let yourself feel a bit hurt.  But your FSIL has done nothing wrong and I wouldn't say anything to her or anyone else.  In fact, not choosing you as a BM was probably a good move on her part if you all aren't that close anyway.  It would be rude for her to seat you separately from your FI during the reception but, alas, that doesn't mean some wedding couples don't do it anyway.

  Granted, this is personal lol, but I also don't find it weird she didn't ask her sister either.  My sister only had one attendant, her MOH, and she chose her best friend.  I was not asked to be in her WP and that was totally fine.  We're friendly.  We love each other.  But we're also not that close and I didn't necessarily expect to be asked.  Now, I'm not going to lie, if she'd had a bigger 6+ person WP, I would have been hurt she didn't ask me.  However, I would never have expressed that to anyone except my b/f (now H).

  

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• ahoywedding member

  

  August 2017

  That does probably hurt, and you're smart to vent here instead of to your FI I think you're totally within your rights to be a little hurt, but it also seems like you recognize you need to eventually  move on.
  
  She kind of did you a favor; if you guys aren't that close, it may be weird for you to be involved in the WP activities, etc. I know a lot of families where it's kind of "tradition" that siblings are always in the WP, but that kind of seems to be changing. Think of the money and time you'll save  The other positive is that if your son needs a little supervision during the ceremony, you'll be free and able to sit with him, remove him, etc. That might be less stressful on you.
  
  I do think your FI could ask his sister if you could be included in the family photos though. We included BIL's then-FI in ours, and that's something that's pretty common (especially since you guys are married!). 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2017

  Y'all aren't close. Not a big surprise you're not in the wedding.
  
  Anyway, I would be thanking my lucky stars, personally. Who knows what dress she's going to pick out and ask you to buy. Who knows how many obligations you'd have. You'd be caught having to spend the day "getting ready" and hanging out with her friends. Instead you can wear something fabulous, save money, avoid obligations, and do whatever you want the day of. If I were you, I'd be seeing this as a major blessing. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2017

  Well, I experienced that at my cousin's wedding when my father and brother were asked to push my grandfather's wheelchair in the processional, but I was not asked to be in the wedding.
  
  As things turned out, my cousin's now divorced.
  
  I'd consider it a bullet dodged that you're not in this wedding.
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  August 2017

  Knottie3d77033fd7f99def said:

  Hello, I am looking for a little bit of advice. My fiancé sister is getting married sometime next year, we are getting married too however their wedding date is before ours. Now my fiancé has stated that his sister asked him if our son could be in the wedding which is fine with me, I think. Lol. Well I guess I am a little, and I mean a very little upset because I know for a FACT she is not asking me to be a bridesmaid, our relationship has not been the best it is STABLE now but we have had rocky road. I completely understand her not asking me to be one, and I completely understand her wanting her nephew to be in the wedding but I can't help but be a little human for a minute and allow my feelings to come forth. Sigh I guess this is not really a post for advice just a little vent I guess. I think it will just suck to see my fiancé and my son included and not me, lets hope I will at least get to sit near him during the reception.

  Let's hope if you are separated, that your husband pulls a chair up to the table at which you and your son are seated.  That would be a big "Oh hell no" with me if he was seated at a bridal party table.
  
  You also no longer need to worry about whether you should ask her to be in your wedding party.
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  August 2017

  Bullet dodged - one less expense for you!!  You're entitled to your feelings but as others said, better to vent here than with your FI on this one.  I "get" where you're coming from (I was the only sibling out at my Brother's wedding).  OTOH, you just saved yourself at least $600-1500 by the time all parties, showers, etc. are factored in.  Now you can show up to these and have fun without the obligation other than making sure your Son looks adorable the day-of (also if given the option, kids suits are cheaper to purchase than renting!)..  

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• ei34 member

  

  August 2017

  Wtf to possibly not sitting together at the reception?? That'd have me much more ticked off than someone I'm not close to not asking me to be  a BM.  
  As far as feeling excluded- this is a good place to vent.  I'm sorry if your feelings were a bit hurt.  Logistically though, parents of FGs and RBs have a lot on their plate on a wedding day.  My older DD was a FG in H's cousin's wedding last fall (H was a GM) and it would have been tricky if I'd been a BM.  Not impossible but it was nice to focus on my daughter's role pre-wedding and at the ceremony and just be a guest at the reception.

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• banana468 member

  

  August 2017

  In all of this I think this is one of those things that can go either way.   We often advise people to not pick family members to be in the bridal party in the hopes that it makes them closer.   So perhaps the bride is also thinking of that advice that hangs around.
  
  I'd hope that she's being thoughtful enough to seat you together and maybe as the planning commences, you can mention ways that you can be seated near him for the ability to help during the ceremony. 
  
  Not asking you to be a BM to me is a non-issue.   However you shouldn't be split from your FI for anything other than the ceremony. 

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  August 2017

  I wasn't asked to be in my brother's weddings.  I was disappointed.  Until I saw the dresses.    OMG, did I dodge a bullet on that one.  My sister was jealous of my awesome dress I got to wear in the family pictures compared to the BM dress she had to wear.  Ha.
  
  
  My BIL got married and I was the only family member (in-laws included) not in the wedding.  NBD. I was still in the family pictures.   I'm not close to her at all.  Mostly because we live across the country from each other and she is much younger.      Again, my dress looked better than the BM's anyway    

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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