Hi all,
I have a cousins/uninvited family members question(s). I've seen several of these on the boards, but feel everyone's situation is different so I am asking here. I appreciate all feedback.
I am having a very small wedding - 40 people max. I didn't want a wedding really, but agreed to the small wedding to please parents basically. My side of the guest list stops at Aunts and Uncles on my side. No cousins are being invited as for me this will lead to 100+ people because I feel if I invite one then I have to invite them all. My FH is not close to his family so we may only see his parents and sister (plus her husband and kids). He is inviting more friends because that's his family whereas I am inviting two friends in lieu of more family members.
The issue I am having as I know two of my aunts will be completely fine with this. However, they likely will be confused when they get the Save the Dates and assume I mean the entire family. It's doubtful they are up on wedding etiquette and will look at the way it's addressed and register that only the aunt and uncle are invited. I really want to avoid confusion or having to clear up things later when invitations go out. One of my cousins is a drama queen and I don't want her to think she's invited only to find out she's not. She's 19 and still lives at home as she's in college.
The other issue I have as I have an Aunt that lives with my grandma and has a teenage son. She and my grandma are likely to be seriously offended that he is not invited. They get offended any time anyone treats him differently or feel he's been slighted. For instance, I declined a school event for him and they got offended because I didn't come even though I don't go to any other cousin's stuff usually. My aunt would never let him see his dad and they think the family should pay him more attention because he didn't have a dad. It's messed up. However, I am not backing down on the cousins because it's rude to let a few come and not others plus we simply do not have the space. The room we booked literally seats 40 (doing more of a dinner than a reception).
All of the cousins not being invited are 14+ so finding a babysitter is not really an issue. The ones that live at home still are all teenage boys who could care less about weddings and a few college aged. Most are married with their own kids which is why we chose not to invite cousins as our list would simply swarm.
So my questions:
1. Would it be OK to simply send an email to my aunt's before the Save the Dates go out explaining that we are electing to have a small wedding and no cousins are being invited with our reasons for the small wedding? This way I'm not really telling someone they aren't invited, but letting my aunts know the Save the Dates are only for aunts and uncles. I'm thinking people may be less confused or offended if they know we just want to keep it small (I'm introverted and hate crowds, we'd rather save the money for a house etc).
2. I have 4 sets of aunts and uncles. Two sets are married. One has been in a long term relationship for several years so her boyfriend is invited. My other aunt recently started dating someone. Our wedding is in 8 months. Do I need to give her a plus 1? My only pause is she is the aforementioned aunt who has the son who we must walk eggshells around. I'm afraid she won't use her +1 for her boyfriend, but instead will bring her son instead and then my other aunts and uncles will be upset they couldn't bring their kids. I plan to somewhat solve this issue by putting specific names on the RSVP card. But she may just ignore it anyway. It's likely she will ignore it and bring both her son and boyfriend and then I will be scrambling for an extra chair as there literally won't be a place for them to sit (plus it's a plated meal to be decided when you RSVP).
I'm sorry for the long post. It probably would be easier to just cut off at grandparents, but even then my grandma would be offended my aunt who lives with her couldn't drive her and stay for the wedding. This way my mom doesn't have to pick up my grandma and she can spend the day with me as she wants. Plus I have a couple aunts and uncles I would like to see.
Thanks everyone.