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Opinion: What exactly makes a bride a "bridezilla"?

ksplan124ksplan124 member
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in Not Engaged Yet
My short answer: Someone gets offended at certain wedding plans (no kids, alcohol vs dry, the music, the dress(es), etc) and fights with the bride about it. 
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Re: Opinion: What exactly makes a bride a "bridezilla"?

  • ksplan124ksplan124 member
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    It was asked out of curiosity and I like to see other people's views. :) 
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  • MRDCleMRDCle member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Your opinion seems to be about a guest and not a bride though?

    I agree with @flantastic - someone who puts the event of a wedding (and pre-wedding events) ahead of the comfort and feelings of their family/friends/guests. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    OP wouldn't a guest nitpicking be a guestzilla?  I don't understand your definition.

    Agree w PP a bride/groomzilla puts their vision ahead of guest comfort.  Like if the bride needs an outdoor fall foliage ceremony, but on wedding day it's 46 degrees and she refuses to move the ceremony indoors, and the guests are freezing, that's bridezilla behavior.
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  • kahluakoalakahluakoala member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I think OP is saying like, "how do you force a bride into bridezilla territory". Like what factors turn someone into a bridezilla. I think it's a poorly worded question, but that's how I took it.

    I think the weird wedding pressure can turn an otherwise reasonable person into a bridezilla. Like someone who goes into the process and gets upsold on unnessecary things they just have  to have turn them into someone who's like "why should I PAY for someone I don't even know to come to MY wedding" when asked about inviting SOs, stuff like that
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If a bride/groom finds themselves saying things like "well it's OUR day, nothing else matters" or "they should suck it up for the bride and groom" or "this is my day to be a princess" or "it's only one day, people should do whatever I want/say" or basically anything that makes her/him sound like a spoiled brat... I would call that bride/groomzilla territory. As long as a bride/groom are respectful, cover the basics of hosting their closest family and friends, and don't act like spoiled brats, they'll have no problem staying out of that territory. 

    I don't really think anyone else can push someone into bridezilla territory. A person is responsible for how to respond to people (even if they're being ridiculous) 100% of the time. Great ways to avoid having to deal with ridiculous people/demands are to: pay for the wedding yourself (because those who pay DO get a say, and those who don't contribute do not) and to choose vendors carefully.

    If someone (or multiple people) are dropping the word "bride/groomzilla" it's really something the bride/groom should reflect on...
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  • Knottie1432317390Knottie1432317390 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    My husband and I paid for our entire wedding on our own and had numerous situations where many guests had special requests. At one point it became too much, and I had to start shutting people down. Many guests viewed our wedding as a "party" they wanted to show off for their own personal value and requested plus ones for people whom they weren't even dating for very long or at all for that matter. "So and so cant come, so can I bring this person?". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    We also had a strict "no kids" rule. The event was open bar, and we felt it wasn't a place to have kids running around. 99% of our guests were perfectly OK with it, especially because we gave everyone a year and a half notice. We understood proper arrangements had to be made. I had one family member who was upset and caused a big uproar because I wouldn't make an exception for her son. I found it to be unfair because if I did that for one, I had to do it for all. Our own FG and RB were taken home after the ceremony and they are my husbands little brother and sister! She ended up not coming to our wedding at all and no longer speaks to us. At a certain point there is such a thing as a guestzilla too. Brides tend to immediately get a bad rap and that is a bit unfair. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2017
    Knottie1432317390 said:
    My husband and I paid for our entire wedding on our own and had numerous situations where many guests had special requests. At one point it became too much, and I had to start shutting people down. Many guests viewed our wedding as a "party" they wanted to show off for their own personal value and requested plus ones for people whom they weren't even dating for very long or at all for that matter. "So and so cant come, so can I bring this person?". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    We also had a strict "no kids" rule. The event was open bar, and we felt it wasn't a place to have kids running around. 99% of our guests were perfectly OK with it, especially because we gave everyone a year and a half notice. We understood proper arrangements had to be made. I had one family member who was upset and caused a big uproar because I wouldn't make an exception for her son. I found it to be unfair because if I did that for one, I had to do it for all. Our own FG and RB were taken home after the ceremony and they are my husbands little brother and sister! She ended up not coming to our wedding at all and no longer speaks to us. At a certain point there is such a thing as a guestzilla too. Brides tend to immediately get a bad rap and that is a bit unfair. 
    Well, you can't invite small people to your ceremony and then not have them welcome at the reception. That's basic hosting. If the parents (on their own) make the decision that it's best for the child not to attend, that's fine, but you shouldn't have requested it. If it were that all-important not to have children, you can't have children at the ceremony, i.e. no FG or RB.

    However, proper and courteous hosting doesn't require that you invite kids, and anyone whose kids are not invited (at all) doesn't have the right to request an exception. Then again, if someone like my sister said "Hey, just so you know, if nephew isn't invited then I can't come" then that's a perfectly reasonable thing too, and the hosts (couple) have to either accept that the sister won't be there or decide to make an exception. That's not blackmail, or guestzilla behavior, but it depends a little bit on how it's phrased. And I think if I decided to leave things as-is, my sister would be validly hurt that it was more important to me not to have a (closely-related) child present than to have her present. For some people whose children are nursing, have special needs, or don't have a huge support network where they can travel OOT without their kids and don't trust an unknown sitter in an unknown city, just "making arrangements" may not be possible.

    I think the bolded is putting your own feelings onto guest behavior. And if they were dating someone when invites went out (even if it had only been a week, but they considered themselves to be BF/GF) that person needed to be invited. Some of your guests may have merely been correcting your oversight in not inviting their significant other, and the proper thing in that case would have been to say "Oh, I had no idea you were dating X! I'm so sorry for the omission - of course they can come."
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1432317390 said:
    My husband and I paid for our entire wedding on our own and had numerous situations where many guests had special requests. At one point it became too much, and I had to start shutting people down. Many guests viewed our wedding as a "party" they wanted to show off for their own personal value and requested plus ones for people whom they weren't even dating for very long or at all for that matter. "So and so cant come, so can I bring this person?". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    We also had a strict "no kids" rule. The event was open bar, and we felt it wasn't a place to have kids running around. 99% of our guests were perfectly OK with it, especially because we gave everyone a year and a half notice. We understood proper arrangements had to be made. I had one family member who was upset and caused a big uproar because I wouldn't make an exception for her son. I found it to be unfair because if I did that for one, I had to do it for all. Our own FG and RB were taken home after the ceremony and they are my husbands little brother and sister! She ended up not coming to our wedding at all and no longer speaks to us. At a certain point there is such a thing as a guestzilla too. Brides tend to immediately get a bad rap and that is a bit unfair. 
    I think this is a pretty bad attitude to have. Guests are not obligated to 1) give a gift, 2) give a gift of any certain amount, or 3) cover the costs of an event you decided to host and pay, and thus determined the costs. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2017
    Guests gifts are supposed to "cover their plate"?  How crass and rude!  Why didn't you plan a wedding you could easily afford?  Sure sounds like Bridezilla "My wedding vision is more important than my guests" territory, to me!
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  • InLoveInQueensInLoveInQueens member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lovesclimbing said:
    Knottie1432317390 said:
    *snip*". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    *snip*
    Pray tell me how the guests are supposed to know how much you spent? It's incredibly tacky to go on about that so people know. 
    I hate the "cover your plate" mentality. Just because my friends are loaded and could spend $500/person or are dirt poor and could only host cake and punch and spend $5/person doesn't mean my gift needs to be any more or less than what I can afford and what I  want to give. You spent what you wanted to spend to host an event, you don't host a reception to recoup your costs unless you're petty and short sighted.
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    InLoveInQueens said:
    lovesclimbing said:
    Knottie1432317390 said:
    *snip*". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    *snip*
    Pray tell me how the guests are supposed to know how much you spent? It's incredibly tacky to go on about that so people know. 
    I hate the "cover your plate" mentality. Just because my friends are loaded and could spend $500/person or are dirt poor and could only host cake and punch and spend $5/person doesn't mean my gift needs to be any more or less than what I can afford and what I  want to give. You spent what you wanted to spend to host an event, you don't host a reception to recoup your costs unless you're petty and short sighted.
    My aunt still has this mentality. She didn't come to our wedding (and wrote me a very snotty email about why), and TOLD US that's why her gift was smaller. But then she had to drive like an hour and a half to my sister's AHR (beer and tacos) and told her the smaller gift was subtracting the cost of gas and because "it didn't cost that much to host." But also my aunt sucks. That's really just an asshole thought process.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    ahoywedding said:
    InLoveInQueens said:
    lovesclimbing said:
    Knottie1432317390 said:
    *snip*". It annoyed my husband and I because we knew they wouldn't be covering their guests plate costs, and we were already on a SUPER TIGHT BUDGET. 

    *snip*
    Pray tell me how the guests are supposed to know how much you spent? It's incredibly tacky to go on about that so people know. 
    I hate the "cover your plate" mentality. Just because my friends are loaded and could spend $500/person or are dirt poor and could only host cake and punch and spend $5/person doesn't mean my gift needs to be any more or less than what I can afford and what I  want to give. You spent what you wanted to spend to host an event, you don't host a reception to recoup your costs unless you're petty and short sighted.
    My aunt still has this mentality. She didn't come to our wedding (and wrote me a very snotty email about why), and TOLD US that's why her gift was smaller. But then she had to drive like an hour and a half to my sister's AHR (beer and tacos) and told her the smaller gift was subtracting the cost of gas and because "it didn't cost that much to host." But also my aunt sucks. That's really just an asshole thought process.
    That's the other end of things.  If a couple has a reception that costs less do you give them less???
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