Etiquette

Wedding Dress code

Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
First Anniversary First Comment
member

Hi all! I know there are always questions on wedding dress code but I'm just trying to figure out the best way to communicate it. Long story short the venue we are having our wedding at (private social club) has a fairly open dress code but bars guest from wearing jeans, tshirts, and sneakers. If we as hosts of our event were to not specify a dress code to our guests and had a good deal showing up in jeans, we would run the risk of losing our deposit for failing to comply with the contract.


Our wedding isn't for a year so when we booked the venue several months ago we let our close family know that the dress code would be pretty formal and asked that they gently spread the word when the time comes. I'm concerned about the way my FMIL is conveying the dress code to our upcoming guests (though she shouldn't be having the conversation with anyone yet as save the dates haven't even gone out, but that's another issue). Apparently she is flat out telling extended family members that if they wear jeans we will lose our deposit. There are a lot of issues here, I'm aware, but I'm not sure how to kindly communicate that there is a better way to send this message.

Re: Wedding Dress code

  • Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member

    I have listed it on the wedding website already, however as it is so far away and the save the dates haven't been sent, the website is not really public knowledge at the moment. She shouldn't be having these conversations yet at all but since she is there has to be a way to squash it.

  • Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    Hmmm I guess that from what I have read in the past that it wasn't considered good etiquette to list dress code on the invitation or any enclose cards? Maybe I'm just confused
  • Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    Thank you!
  • Hi all! I know there are always questions on wedding dress code but I'm just trying to figure out the best way to communicate it. Long story short the venue we are having our wedding at (private social club) has a fairly open dress code but bars guest from wearing jeans, tshirts, and sneakers. If we as hosts of our event were to not specify a dress code to our guests and had a good deal showing up in jeans, we would run the risk of losing our deposit for failing to comply with the contract.


    Our wedding isn't for a year so when we booked the venue several months ago we let our close family know that the dress code would be pretty formal and asked that they gently spread the word when the time comes. I'm concerned about the way my FMIL is conveying the dress code to our upcoming guests (though she shouldn't be having the conversation with anyone yet as save the dates haven't even gone out, but that's another issue). Apparently she is flat out telling extended family members that if they wear jeans we will lose our deposit. There are a lot of issues here, I'm aware, but I'm not sure how to kindly communicate that there is a better way to send this message.



    I would also mention (or better have your FI do it) that she doesn't need to worry about mentioning it to guests that you'll take care of it on the website and inserts. 
    SP29
  • Yeah, it's definitely okay to list the dress code if it's your venue's requirement (and since it sounds like you guys will pay the price for anyone failing to comply!). Just one sentence is totally fine. List it on your website, include an enclosure card with your invites & spread the info via word of mouth. When you're verbally telling someone you think might have an issue with it, I would even play up that it's the venue making that rule. "Hey, I know it's kind of crazy, but our venue has this rule that they don't allow x, y & z. If anyone shows up wearing those, they won't be allowed in and we lose our deposit. It's really the only major downfall of this otherwise awesome venue, we think everyone will really have fun there" or something. Then change the subject.
    short+sassyMandyMostPrettyGirlLost
  • My friend had booked and paid for rooms for 6 friends in a hotel in London. I was the last to arrive. The doorman would not let me enter the hotel to check in because I was wearing jeans. My bags had already been delivered to the hotel so I could not change even  if I wanted to. The moral of my story is that I think in this case you would be fine to let people know.
    MesmrEweshort+sassyeileenrob
  • I'd let her run with it. You're not being rude, the message is getting out. Like, I would not suggest her method but I also wouldn't intervene. 
    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLosteileenrob
  • Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    FMIL thinks that this will be a problem for everyone because she assumes everyone that she knows is an idiot. She has also been telling us literally since the day after we got engaged that "most of the family" won't make it anyway since they have to travel (FFIL is one of 11 children so you can imagine the size of our guest list on FHs side).
  • Knottie1459356340Knottie1459356340 Dallas,TX
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    They are paying for the rehearsal dinner only, so that is all they get a say in and FH backs me up 100% on that fact. FMIL has an opinion on absolutely everything, but oh well.
  • I say be direct about it, since she is a direct person herself. Tell her you appreciate her helping to spread the word (white lie maybe), but that it's best not to share guest-related info until the list has been finalized in order to avoid confusion.

    Then let her know your own plans to get the message out by including it on the website and invitation package so she understands she doesn't need to make it her mission.

    InLoveInQueensSP29MesmrEweMairePoppy
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