Etiquette

No thank you...should I say something?

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't, but someone just tell me I'm being too salty. 

We went to a wedding mid-ish-August. I gave the bride their gift the first week of September. That whole time, she had been talking about writing her thank you's and how we were going to get it before we got the gift ha ha ha. Even when I gave it to her, she said something about it being in the mail. (I guess when you register on Amazon, it tells you who bought what before you actually get the gift.)

Well. It hasn't come yet. It maybe wouldn't bother me so much but the wedding was a HOT MESS of poor etiquette (not enough food, way not enough chairs, outside in the rain because the inside venue was too small, etc etc) that this is just like one more thing. She's kind of a newer friend, so I don't want to say anything mean, but she also is one of those people who like thinks she always knows the "proper" thing to do and this seems like it should fall under there.

Please tell me I'm overreacting and to just move on.

Re: No thank you...should I say something?

  • FWIW, I mailed thank yous to everyone within 2 weeks but my MIL never received hers. She knows I sent them because other people, including her BFF, got theirs. I am still so embarrassed to think that some people might think I was rude because they never got theirs.
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875SP29
  • banana468 said:
    I'm pretty sure I shouldn't, but someone just tell me I'm being too salty. 

    We went to a wedding mid-ish-August. I gave the bride their gift the first week of September. That whole time, she had been talking about writing her thank you's and how we were going to get it before we got the gift ha ha ha. Even when I gave it to her, she said something about it being in the mail. (I guess when you register on Amazon, it tells you who bought what before you actually get the gift.)

    Well. It hasn't come yet. It maybe wouldn't bother me so much but the wedding was a HOT MESS of poor etiquette (not enough food, way not enough chairs, outside in the rain because the inside venue was too small, etc etc) that this is just like one more thing. She's kind of a newer friend, so I don't want to say anything mean, but she also is one of those people who like thinks she always knows the "proper" thing to do and this seems like it should fall under there.

    Please tell me I'm overreacting and to just move on.
    You're over reacting.

    The wedding was mid August.   The TY isn't really late especially if you sent a gift a month ago.   You can feel salty about the etiquette fuster-cluck and the bride's feelings of knowing more than she really does but on this she's still somewhat in the clear. 
    This is what I needed, thank you! I guess I was just feeling like it was late because she's been talking about it forever. In reality it's not that bad, and who knows what they've had going on that they haven't been able to send things out. 
    charlotte989875
  • Ro041Ro041
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I went to a wedding the weekend before 4th of July.  We haven't gotten a thank you note in the mail.  I keep thinking about it though...

    ahoyweddingMairePoppycharlotte989875
  • Two of the recent weddings I've attended, the couple waited to get their photos back and then had thank you cards made with the photos. So the thank you notes took 3+ months to arrive.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    The rule is to send the TYs within a few weeks of receiving the gift, but I don't get antsy until 2 months have passed since I gave them the gift. If two months go by and no acknowledgement, I'd ask if they received the gift.
                
  • You are majorly overreacting. It's barely been a month. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    You are majorly overreacting. It's barely been a month. 
    It's coming up on almost 7 weeks past mid-August. I agree that there's some overreacting here but at the same time, what has the couple been doing for almost 7 weeks since the wedding that they haven't gotten thank cards out yet?
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    charlotte989875
  • You are majorly overreacting. It's barely been a month. 
    It's coming up on almost 7 weeks past mid-August. I agree that there's some overreacting here but at the same time, what has the couple been doing for almost 7 weeks since the wedding that they haven't gotten thank cards out yet?
    She gave the couple their gift during the first week of September.   It's only October 4th.   The clock for the couple starts ticking when they get a gift - not when they get married. 
    PrettyGirlLostMairePoppycharlotte989875STARMOON44
  • You guys I'm a dick. It came in the mail last night. (So clearly wasn't sent when she said it was lol). Usually I don't even notice how long it's been, unless it's like a year or something. I just thought this situation was weird because she kept talking about having sent it.
    charlotte989875SP29
  • Even if 3 months go by and you still haven't received it, what are you going say? 

    I would think about what you want to get out of saying something. You don't seem worried that they actually received the gift, so this is really about pointing out their rudeness and lack of gratitude. Unless asked, pointing out something rude isn't usually a polite thing to do. Just recognize that they may not be gracious people and consider that next time they have a event where you'd consider buying them a gift - whether a house warming, a baby shower, or something else. Do you want to spend your money on people who don't say "thank you"? It's not about pointing it out to them as much as determining future decisions.
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    short+sassySP29
  • What would the outcome have been if you confronted her?

    "You told me my thank-you letter was in the mail at the start of September but it hasn't arrived yet, whats the deal?"
    - If it got delayed in the mail she'd have no control over that.
    - If she lied about when she sent it she'd feel awkward & embarrassed.

    I think it just would've come across as you trying to take her down a notch and not really been productive.

    PrettyGirlLostahoyweddingSTARMOON44SP29
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member

    Two of the recent weddings I've attended, the couple waited to get their photos back and then had thank you cards made with the photos. So the thank you notes took 3+ months to arrive.

    mini threadjack....... we went to a first birthday party a few weeks ago and got a thank you card that was a photo of the child in front of all her gifts opened, including some duplicates, with a generic "thanks for celebrating with us" note.  I found it odd and off-putting.  DH thought I was nuts.  Thoughts?
    ahoyweddinglizybeff
  • Ro041 said:
    I went to a wedding the weekend before 4th of July.  We haven't gotten a thank you note in the mail.  I keep thinking about it though...
    I went to a wedding in 2014 and still haven't received a thank you card, in the mail or by phone/text/fb message/carrier pigeon. I keep thinking about it, too.
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875
  • kaos16 said:

    Two of the recent weddings I've attended, the couple waited to get their photos back and then had thank you cards made with the photos. So the thank you notes took 3+ months to arrive.

    mini threadjack....... we went to a first birthday party a few weeks ago and got a thank you card that was a photo of the child in front of all her gifts opened, including some duplicates, with a generic "thanks for celebrating with us" note.  I found it odd and off-putting.  DH thought I was nuts.  Thoughts?
    That is really off putting. Direct translation: "we couldn't be bothered to write individual thank you notes....so cute baby distraction photo! yay!"

    We went to a 1st birthday party where the parents invited 150 people and had a registry and "gift ideas" on the invitation. Naturally, they got a ton of gifts - duh. She literally sent a group text to our friend group saying they "got way too much stuff and didn't have time to write thank you notes, so thanks for the stuff everyone!" That was the last time I went to a gift giving event for that person.
    We had a similar experience with a baby shower. They sent a group email saying something like "hey thanks for the gifts everyone and it was wonderful to celebrate with you all blah blah blah" (even though not everyone on the email even went). Then when the baby was born they sent birth announcements and wrote, literally, "Thanks for the gift!" on the back. Not even what the gift was, so the same damn thing on everyone's.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    kaos16 said:

    Two of the recent weddings I've attended, the couple waited to get their photos back and then had thank you cards made with the photos. So the thank you notes took 3+ months to arrive.

    mini threadjack....... we went to a first birthday party a few weeks ago and got a thank you card that was a photo of the child in front of all her gifts opened, including some duplicates, with a generic "thanks for celebrating with us" note.  I found it odd and off-putting.  DH thought I was nuts.  Thoughts?
    BF's sister in law does this. It drives me up a wall. Like we really don't need 5 million pictures of your kid and could you at least acknowledge the effort we do into getting your kid a great gift?
    Formerly known as bubbles053009

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