Wedding Woes

Thank you, 6 -- Overnight Shifts

So, the overnights are working out alright for the most part.

The main problem is really the weekend.  She's overnight S-Thursday, 10 pm - 8 am.  During the week when i'm not there, she sleeps until I get home about 6.

Saturday/Sunday we're trying to find the balance between keeping her sleep/awake schedule somewhat consistent, but still getting to spend more than 4 hours together.

How have the other overnight peoples handled this?

Re: Thank you, 6 -- Overnight Shifts

  • I've never regularly worked overnight or lived with someone who did.  But I used to have a job where some of my shifts were morning (early morning) and some were swing.  There was 1x/week when I'd have a swing the night before followed by an early morning shift.  It was hellish.  I'd only get 4 hours of sleep on that night.  Every week.  I really liked that job, but quit because of that one horrible piece of my schedule that they refused to change.

    I strongly recommend that K keeps her sleep schedule largely the same, even on the weekends.  I wouldn't adjust it more than 1-2 hours, even if that does mean less time for the two of you together.  If she feels tired, maybe she could start her sleep earlier on her days off?  Like, if she normally goes to bed at 8:30-9:00AM, she could go to sleep at 7:00AM.  Then, instead of waking up at 6PM, she'd hopefully wake up more at 4-5PM.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    VarunaTT
  • DH worked Sun-Thu, same-ish hours as K (he'd try to get home before DefConn got on the bus around 8:15a. He was successful about 50% of the time). 

    Through the week, he'd get home and go to bed pretty soon after.  He'd try to be up by 5 or so to see the kids and do dinner.  But best laid plans and all that, half the time he'd stay up too late (past 9-9:30a) and sleep closer to 6 or 7 OR he'd wake up and then take a nap.  I hated it because so much was left to me to handle.  

    Since the kids were normally at school and I was working, he'd come home Friday and go to sleep.  He'd typically sleep 5-6 hours unless he had plans/appointments during the day.  Friday night, he'd typically go to bed with me and sleep a normal night.  He'd turn around for Saturday and we'd be up together all day.  The only exception is when they had to work Friday night (usually before a holiday to do a 'pull ahead' on orders).  That fucked our whole weekend. 

    Sunday was always a beast for us.  We'd get up at a normal time (between 8am and 10am).  He'd do stuff, but never wanted to go anywhere or make plans because he'd have to shut it down around 4 or 5 to go to sleep.  It was really frustrating because we'd either eat super early or I'd be on my own for doing dinner and the weekend 'wrap up'. 

    I'll post more if I think of anything else. 
    VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23 said:
    DH worked Sun-Thu, same-ish hours as K (he'd try to get home before DefConn got on the bus around 8:15a. He was successful about 50% of the time). 

    Through the week, he'd get home and go to bed pretty soon after.  He'd try to be up by 5 or so to see the kids and do dinner.  But best laid plans and all that, half the time he'd stay up too late (past 9-9:30a) and sleep closer to 6 or 7 OR he'd wake up and then take a nap.  I hated it because so much was left to me to handle.  

    Since the kids were normally at school and I was working, he'd come home Friday and go to sleep.  He'd typically sleep 5-6 hours unless he had plans/appointments during the day.  Friday night, he'd typically go to bed with me and sleep a normal night.  He'd turn around for Saturday and we'd be up together all day.  The only exception is when they had to work Friday night (usually before a holiday to do a 'pull ahead' on orders).  That fucked our whole weekend. 

    Sunday was always a beast for us.  We'd get up at a normal time (between 8am and 10am).  He'd do stuff, but never wanted to go anywhere or make plans because he'd have to shut it down around 4 or 5 to go to sleep.  It was really frustrating because we'd either eat super early or I'd be on my own for doing dinner and the weekend 'wrap up'. 

    I'll post more if I think of anything else. 
    This is pretty  much what is happening now.  It's not horrible, but it's not really great either.  TBH, I think the biggest problem is just that she's bored AF when she tries to stay up overnight while I sleep.  Plus, the world is going on, so she wants to do things too.
    mrsconn23
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    edited October 5

    My parents both worked overnights.  My dad was  M-F, from 8 PM to whenever they finished their task for the night.  My mom was a nurse and switch to 7A-7P when I was in high school (I'm the youngest).  While my dad was still working, they basically were just night owls when not working.  But when my dad retired, my mom would start to stay up all day on her last work day and go to bed at a "normal" time, but usually by 8 PM she was fast asleep.  She would then sleep a "normal" schedule the next few days until work again where she would stay up all day - usually with a nap, then work and then go right to bed in the morning.  She would have a rotating schedule, so sometimes she could get 5-7 days off at a time. 

    I honestly don't know how my mom did that all the time.  But as she got older and the last few years before she retired, she didn't always do that.  And especially when she would have a one day on, one day off, one day on schedule she would sleep almost the entire time she was home.

    ETA - Just realized it says 7A-7P, should be 7P to 7A!

    VarunaTT
  • 6fsn6fsn
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
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    Bear in mind I was never on a set midnight shift.  I worked 7 days straight then had 36 to come back to a 3-11.  Is she actually going to bed when she gets home?  Does she need 10 hrs sleep? Is she still wanting to stay up all night on off days? Does she/can she nap?

    It's best for her to try to keep as close to the same sleep schedule as possible.  My first thought is maybe you getting up early to does something in the early mornings with her.

    Another thought is if she can nap before the Sunday night maybe you guys could make morning/day Sundays your time and should could nap before going in.
    short+sassy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    @VarunaTT, am I totally off base here or am I remembering that K is a nurse? Does she work 12 hour shifts? 

    I have a bunch of friends who are night shift right now. I totally lucked out and was able to get a day shift. We've all been talking about this for months. From what I hear, on days off with their SO's, they'll get home (our shifts end at 7:30), eat a little, and they'll sleep from 9-2 and then get up. They go to bed anywhere from 10-11:30 at night with their SO. It's not a lot of sleep on your days off, but you get to spend it with loved ones.

    Technically you're supposed to keep the same sleep schedule so you don't screw up your body....but it's hard when your significant other/friends/family don't follow the same hours. 


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    VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited October 5
    levioosa said:


    Technically you're supposed to keep the same sleep schedule so you don't screw up your body....but it's hard when your significant other/friends/family don't follow the same hours. 
    That was DH's struggle.  We barely did anything with family or friends on the weekend for the year he was on nights.  The kiddo complained a lot about how much he hated DH's schedule.  
    charlotte989875VarunaTT
  • My Mom is a nurse and she did overnights when we were kids. I think it was probably hard on her. She would go to sleep when we were leaving for school in the morning, and would often have to leave things early to go to bed before her shift. But I remember her not keeping the same schedule on the weekends or days off. She would take naps during the day, or before she was going in to work, but she would adjust her schedule to spend time with us/take us to games/events/whatever. 
    mrsconn23VarunaTTOurWildKingdom
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited October 5
    @levioosa Yes, she's a home health care nurse for special needs children/young adults.  It's from 10pm - 8am, and at least once a week it's 10pm - noon, depending on scheduling needs for this particular client.

    It sounds like most people have done what we're doing.  It's not the best solution, but it is what it is.  The time together wouldn't be so important except we both have evening commitments during the week, so the weekend is really when we do get to see each other.

    Thanks, everyone.


    mrsconn23short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • @redwoodoriginal Thanks.  That's basically what she's been doing and I just wasn't sure if it was really sustainable over the long term, so it's good to hear from someone that it is.
    redwoodoriginal
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