The BIG question, how to politely put Adults only

shoogaroo · October 2017

To start off, I know it is unpopular for people to request Adult only affairs, however I have such a large family (50 plus 1st cousins all with 3 plus children under the age of 10, not even including his family or the rest of mine) and We also prefer 18 plus weddings.

I will not include it on the save the date or invite. I will include who it is addressed to and how many seats are reserved on the invite.

I am putting it on the website, and including a section for recommendations on where to find a sitter. So without further ado , does this sound ok?

"While we love love love the kiddos, we respectfully request this be an adults only affair.

If you do bring the children please kindly leave them at the hotel/cabin/accommodation with a sitter. Care.com or SitterCity are always great options to find a sitter for the night of the event. Additionally, bringing a sitter with you is always an option as well.

There are some great child friendly activities in the area for the hours before the ceremony and reception which should tucker them out for the night.

We sincerely apologise for any inconveniences or offence this may cause and hope you can still make it for a night of fun and celebration! "

I kind of feel like "bringing a sitter with you" sounds bad

Thanks in advance everyone!

Edit: I have removed it from the website and am just going to stick to keeping it on the invite. Unfortunately the area I'm getting married in I do not know babysitter. So if they ask for a rec I will just have to try to find one via my venue.

kahluakoala · October 2017

Too much. Just give the sitter recs without all the apologies (though I have to say telling a parent that care.com exists is kind of like answering a question with "have you tried google?". Like if you had an actual real recommendation it could be helpful, but this not so much). They know their kids weren't invited because they weren't listed on the invite, so if you're like, "here's a good sitter" they'll get it.

Edit: I also don't think requesting an adults only affair is remotely unpopular, but get that this is a know your crowd thing

MairePoppy · October 2017

Knottie1474162374 said:

To start off, I know it is unpopular for people to request Adult only affairs, however I have such a large family (50 plus 1st cousins all with 3 plus children under the age of 10, not even including his family or the rest of mine) and We also prefer 18 plus weddings.

I will not include it on the save the date or invite. I will include who it is addressed to and how many seats are reserved on the invite.

I am putting it on the website, and including a section for recommendations on where to find a sitter. So without further ado , does this sound ok?

"While we love love love the kiddos, we respectfully request this be an adults only affair.
If you do bring the children please kindly leave them at the hotel/cabin/accommodation with a sitter. Care.com or SitterCity are always great options to find a sitter for the night of the event. Additionally, bringing a sitter with you is always an option as well.
There are some great child friendly activities in the area for the hours before the ceremony and reception which should tucker them out for the night.
We sincerely apologise for any inconveniences or offence this may cause and hope you can still make it for a night of fun and celebration! "

I kind of feel like "bringing a sitter with you" sounds bad
Thanks in advance everyone!

No, that doesn't sound okay. It sounds condescending. You are perfectly within your rights to have adults only at your wedding; there is no need for all those words.

I know there are usually a few sets of parents who will add their little ones to their RSVPs. For those few, you should call them and say you are sorry they misunderstood, but you are not able to accommodate children at the reception. Add that you hope they will be able to attend without the kids. This is a PITA job, for sure, but it's better than implying that all of your guests don't understand invitation etiquette.

SP29 · October 2017

I agree that what you have written on your website sounds condescending. I would leave it out, unless you have a specific recommendation on a particular sitter.

Otherwise, it's like, "duh! If you are bringing your kids you need a sitter!". Same with "there are lots of family fun things to do before hand that will tucker the little ones out!". That is confusing because it sounds like you are hosting activities for the guests that includes children who are then not invited to the wedding after- that would be rude. If you aren't hosting anything but are implying the parents can find fun things to do in the city, well duh, of course they can, they can do that anywhere. And who are you to say what and when is going to tire a kid out? Is an 11 year old going to get tired out by site seeing? And when will the parents have time to do these things if they are traveling and getting ready for the wedding?

As to the above- I know that is not what you were intending, but the more you try to add apologies, suggestions, and solutions, the "worse" it sounds. Own your decision to not invite anyone under the age of 18, and be direct when you need to be.

By addressing the STDs and invitations appropriately, and including the X seats reserved for you, you have really done all you can. I agree that a spreading things casually by word of mouth via a gossipy relative is the only other thing you could do.

Completely fine to host an adults only event.

JediElizabeth · October 2017

Knottie1474162374 said:

To start off, I know it is unpopular for people to request Adult only affairs, however I have such a large family (50 plus 1st cousins all with 3 plus children under the age of 10, not even including his family or the rest of mine) and We also prefer 18 plus weddings.

I will not include it on the save the date or invite. I will include who it is addressed to and how many seats are reserved on the invite.

I am putting it on the website, and including a section for recommendations on where to find a sitter. So without further ado , does this sound ok?

"While we love love love the kiddos, we respectfully request this be an adults only affair.
If you do bring the children please kindly leave them at the hotel/cabin/accommodation with a sitter. Care.com or SitterCity are always great options to find a sitter for the night of the event. Additionally, bringing a sitter with you is always an option as well.
There are some great child friendly activities in the area for the hours before the ceremony and reception which should tucker them out for the night.
We sincerely apologise for any inconveniences or offence this may cause and hope you can still make it for a night of fun and celebration! "

I kind of feel like "bringing a sitter with you" sounds bad
Thanks in advance everyone!

Three's no polite way to say the bolded.

Instead, I would add a line or two about where to find a sitter in the area, and nothing else (though really, most parents who are comfortable leaving kids with sitters would probably know this).

Leave it implied that children are not invited. Certainly don't add that there are kid friendly things nearby, because that's a mixed message.

MobKaz · October 2017

It is perfectly appropriate to host an adult only event. However, the hosts have to expect some declines as a result, as well as the possibility of some hurt feelings.

I am not sure I agree that posting something on your website is necessary or appropriate. If I were traveling OOT to attend your wedding, I don't think I would bring my children with only to leave them in a hotel.

Invite your adult guests by addressing your invitations clearly and properly. If you have a family that has an 18 year old as well as younger siblings, I do not think it is appropriate to include only the 18 year old on the invitation.

shoogaroo · October 2017

Thanks All! I am adjusting it now, I don't think it should be a problem because all the weddings I have been to in my family have been either 10 and up or 21 and up.

STARMOON44 · October 2017

No one needs you to recommend care.com or explain how to bring a sitter with you.

Jen4948 · October 2017

Unfortunately, the only polite way to not invite the kids is to leave their names off the invitation envelopes. If someone asks you about sitters, you can provide that information, but only if they ask first.

southernbelle0915 · October 2017

Everything was good until your plans for your website. Don't include "adults only".

It WILL be helpful for people to have this information before invites go out, especially if they are traveling for the event. Do you have gossipy relatives? Let them know the event is child-free and word will naturally spread. Or maybe your mom/dad can talk to their relatives with kids who are potentially traveling to give them a verbal heads up.

MandyMost · October 2017

I would leave out everything you have planned for the website. The most I would do is on the accommodations or logistics pages is put a sentence along the lines of "If you're looking for a local babysitter, please let us know if you'd like any recommendations", assuming of course you have some recommendations beyond the internet.

banana468 · October 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

Everything was good until your plans for your website. Don't include "adults only".

It WILL be helpful for people to have this information before invites go out, especially if they are traveling for the event. Do you have gossipy relatives? Let them know the event is child-free and word will naturally spread. Or maybe your mom/dad can talk to their relatives with kids who are potentially traveling to give them a verbal heads up.

Ditto. The website portion is really really bad. I'm a parent. I know about the services on the internet. If you were actually offering something then putting it on your website is fine but saying, "You can go on the internet and find a babysitter," is like putting on your website, "For directions, you can go to maps.google.com and find out how to get to our reception."

Spread everything via word of mouth, be really specific when addressing and if people still don't get it just make the phone call clarifying that the invitation was for the adults and not the kids. You may still need to do this because some people just won't get it and that's not your fault.

MesmrEwe · October 2017

Commit and stand by your decision unapologetically, no additional explanation on your website and word of mouth than "Adults 18+ only"... The message reaction I get is "I'm glad you find it easy to leave other people's kids in the care of a complete stranger at the hotel", but it just comes off wrong the way it's written even though that's not your intent.

The BIG question, how to politely put Adults only

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