I’ve done a terrible thing, and I have no idea how to emerge on the other side of it. My fiancée of six years and I are engaged to be married in four months. Here’s the “thing”: I proposed to her in response to an ultimatum and to maybe prod myself into feeling more enthusiastic about the relationship. We have had a tumultuous relationship that has been exacerbated by addiction issues on both sides. She has consistent anger and anxiety, and I tend to pull away and withhold physically.
Despite this, we care very much for one another. She was diagnosed with a neurological disorder earlier this year and has quit her job to find something less physically taxing, so I feel both an emotional and financial burden of care. I’ve seen and ignored so many red flags over the years—how do I know when or if I should act for my future? We are youngish child-free professionals. Is it possible I just haven’t bought in 100 percent and need to dive in with more enthusiasm? I’m feeling stuck and time is ticking.