Invitations and RSVPs

knottie4329f471f0a951a2 · November 2017

Hi! I’m just messing around with online RSVP sites way earlier than I need to, and I’m wondering about invitation wording now. We are providing plus ones to our single guests including the older teenagers. For those who still live with their parents, how would we address invitations to indicate which person gets the plus one? For example, a family with three teenagers, how do we address it to indicate that they all get a plus one? Or, for a single parent and teenager, how do we indicate that the plus one is for the teenager but not the parent? Most situations are easy (to dad and mom and kid and guest seems pretty obvious to me), but I keep coming across situations that I’m not sure how we would address when the time comes. Hopefully this makes sense!

Jen4948 · November 2017

Consider sending a separate invitation to each person to whom you are giving a plus one, and invite that person as "SingleGuest and GuestName." (You really should make an effort to find out the names of each plus one you are inviting. Only if you've exhausted every possibility should you use "And Guest" rather than "and GuestName.")

If that's not possible, then on the envelope you could say:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Ms. Jane Smith and GuestName
Ms. Lucy Smith and GuestName

knottie4329f471f0a951a2 · November 2017

I am going to find out the names of any SOs before sending invites. I'm just referring to true plus ones here for single guests, so they probably wouldn't even know their guest's name prior to being invited. Having separate lines does make sense! Honestly, when I was typing out names on our guest list, it's all on one line, so that didn't even occur to me. Thanks!

Jen4948 · November 2017

Even with plus ones, it's most appropriate to get as many names as possible.

ahoywedding · November 2017

So I have a few young adult cousins (college-age) who were all still living at home when we sent invites. We wanted to give them all a plus-one, but I also knew my aunt and uncle would think I had lost my mind if we sent FOUR invites to the same house. We addressed it like this:

Mr. Uncle & Mrs. Aunt LastName
Cousin 1 & Guest
Cousin 2 & Guest
Cousin 3 & Guest

That also kind of looked stupid/busy, but that made more sense than sending a bunch of invites to one house.

lyndausvi · November 2017

I sent 5 invitations to the same address. Another 4 to another. 3 to 2 more addresses.

NBD, it was the proper way to invite everyone.

mollybarker11 · November 2017

knottie4329f471f0a951a2 said:

for a single parent and teenager, how do we indicate that the plus one is for the teenager but not the parent?

Does this mean you're not extending +1s to single parents or am I misunderstanding?

You're not obligated to extend +1s to everyone, but I can imagine some hurt feelings if one person on the invitation got a +1 and the other didn't!

If the teenager is 18 or 19, send them a separate invitation. Once they hit adulthood they become their own "social unit" regardless of who they live with. If they're under 18 I'd go with the following:

Ms. ParentFirstname Lastname and Guest
Mr. TeenFirstname Lastname and Guest

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

Anyone legally an adult (18 or over) should get their own invitation - even if they live in the same house as someone else invited. For example, parents with a 19 year old and a 21 year old all living at home = 3 invitations.

It's just the right way to invite people and the result is less cluttered (and incorrect) invitations.

MandyMost · November 2017

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

STARMOON44 · November 2017

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Ok so you have weird rude relatives? That doesn’t change the answer here.

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules.

Jen4948 · November 2017

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

That's their problem. It's not the problem of anyone else, so don't use it as the basis to advise people not to follow the rules of etiquette.

ahoywedding · November 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules.

I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.

mollybarker11 · November 2017

ahoywedding said:

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules.

I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.

I think she was making the point that some folks might view a hosted bar as another example of showing off how much money you have to throw around, but that shouldn't impact your decision to do so.

lyndausvi · November 2017

ahoywedding said:

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules.

I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.

I don't get the issue. For one, it's the correct way to invite. But who the hell cares that your aunts/uncles things it's strange?

Maybe, just maybe, your cousins would think it was awesome that they were not under their parent's invitation anymore. They are being seen as independent adults, not an extension of their parents.

The house I sent 5 invites to was MIL + one, SIL + her BF, SIL + one, BIL + one and grandma who lived in the house also. All of them are adults and were treated as such. Yes, the invites arrived at different times. NBD.

The houses I sent 3 and 4 invites to were to my siblings. I sent each niece/nephew (all minors mind you) their own invitation. The kids LOVED receiving their own invitation. It make them feel important and special.

knottie4329f471f0a951a2 · November 2017

I did word my question a little wrong in that everyone will be getting plus ones, so the invitation with the single parent would be to each of them with guests, but I wasn't sure if I needed to specify that it was one guest for each person somehow. I know it's a super nitty gritty detail that surely doesn't matter in the long run. That particular scenario is with a 17 year old and a 20 year old. The 20 year old in that household is already receiving her own invitation to her and her SO (named, of course!). So, it would be to mom and daughter and two guests? or mom and guest and daughter and guest? I suppose that's where two lines will come in handy so:

Mom and guest
Daughter and guest
Address
Address

Thanks for all your replies! These are just all the little, insignificant details that I'm thinking about early while I can't plan anything else yet haha

ahoywedding · November 2017

lyndausvi said:

ahoywedding said:

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.

Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules.

I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.

I don't get the issue. For one, it's the correct way to invite. But who the hell cares that your aunts/uncles things it's strange?

Maybe, just maybe, your cousins would think it was awesome that they were not under their parent's invitation anymore. They are being seen as independent adults, not an extension of their parents.

The house I sent 5 invites to was MIL + one, SIL + her BF, SIL + one, BIL + one and grandma who lived in the house also. All of them are adults and were treated as such. Yes, the invites arrived at different times. NBD.

The houses I sent 3 and 4 invites to were to my siblings. I sent each niece/nephew (all minors mind you) their own invitation. The kids LOVED receiving their own invitation. It make them feel important and special.

You know what, I'll be honest, I didn't even think about that. Looking back, maybe I should have sent them all separate invites. Besides the fact that they'd think I was crazy, I also didn't want their mail to get to everyone on separate days. They live in a very rural area with inconsistent mail service, so I guess I thought one invite was just easier.

SP29 · November 2017

knottie4329f471f0a951a2 said:

I did word my question a little wrong in that everyone will be getting plus ones, so the invitation with the single parent would be to each of them with guests, but I wasn't sure if I needed to specify that it was one guest for each person somehow. I know it's a super nitty gritty detail that surely doesn't matter in the long run. That particular scenario is with a 17 year old and a 20 year old. The 20 year old in that household is already receiving her own invitation to her and her SO (named, of course!). So, it would be to mom and daughter and two guests? or mom and guest and daughter and guest? I suppose that's where two lines will come in handy so:

Mom and guest
Daughter and guest
Address
Address

Thanks for all your replies! These are just all the little, insignificant details that I'm thinking about early while I can't plan anything else yet haha

Yes, put each person on a separate line with "and guest".
In general, you place social units together on one line, whether that is "Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Doe" or "Ms. Jane Doe and guest".

And Adults and their children go separate lines, whether that is:
"Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Doe
Sarah Doe
Jeff Doe"

or
"Ms. Jane Doe and Guest
Sarah Doe and Guest".

MobKaz · November 2017

I don't see how this minor issue is any different than using labels versus hand addressing each invitation.

Is it correct to send adults their own invitation? Yes. It is also correct to hand address each invitation.

This is a victimless crime in my opinion.

I also don't find people who think spending money needlessly weird or rude. But I do find it wrong to judge people who do. On the surface, it is a waste of money to send identical, multiple invitations to the same address.

knottiec568659b23a64689 · November 2017

nice advices above. i'm also preparing to make invitation cards these few days.

banana468 · November 2017

MobKaz said:

I don't see how this minor issue is any different than using labels versus hand addressing each invitation.

Is it correct to send adults their own invitation? Yes. It is also correct to hand address each invitation.

This is a victimless crime in my opinion.

I also don't find people who think spending money needlessly weird or rude. But I do find it wrong to judge people who do. On the surface, it is a waste of money to send identical, multiple invitations to the same address.

FWIW, I really think you need to know your situation here.

DH's aunt and uncle had 12 kids. Their age range was such that there were two minor children living at home with their parents PLUS multiple adults, some of whom were married and with kids of their own.

The adults had their own schedules and their own lives and they certainly weren't reading their parents' mail.

Sending all to one house may have saved paper and postage but it would have involved chasing down responses and clarity in those responses to ensure we knew who was coming and what they were eating.

So on the surface, I think you need to think before calling it a waste.

CMGragain · November 2017

knottiec568659b23a64689 said:

nice advices above. i'm also preparing to make invitation cards these few days.

Are you making your own cards? You might want to check your wording with us before you print.

Invitations and RSVPs

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