Additional Responsibilities for Sister/Jr.BM

Re: Additional Responsibilities for Sister/Jr.BM

• flantastic member

  

  December 2017

  SoonToBeSmith0512 said:

  Hello!
  
  My only sister is 13 and will be a junior bridesmaid in my wedding this coming May. While she's excited, she's also feeling a little slighted that she is "just walking down the aisle and standing up front." My fiancé also has a sister (23) who is a professional singer, so in addition to being a bridesmaid she will also sing a few songs during the prelude. So, I'm looking for additional ways to make my sister feel like she has an important role, beyond "just" being a bridesmaid. We're not having an readings during the ceremony that she could do, and she's already made it clear she doesn't want to be in charge of the guest book/gift table/etc. 
  
  There will also be a shower before the wedding as well as a farewell brunch for out of town family, so I'm also open to ideas that would get her involved at those events. Any help would be much appreciated! 
  
  Thanks!

  Does she have any ideas? I mean, I get that she's 13 and at that age your thought process doesn't always make sense, but getting to stand up with you is already the important role, and really most BMs aren't looking for other "jobs." (Especially guest book tending or program handing out, which 13 year olds and even younger kids realize are BS "roles.")
  
  I'd also take "junior" out of her title. The only job of a bridesmaid is to "walk down the aisle and stand up front," as she says, and so she's not doing anything different than the rest - so it's a little insulting to point out that she's younger than everyone else by calling her "junior" when she's fully capable of doing the exact same thing as any other bridesmaids.
  
  Who is offering the shower and brunch? It'll really be up to the host whether she can get involved there.

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• ei34 member

  

  December 2017

  Ditto dropping the “junior”.  
  
  I assume she hasn’t suggested anything herself, which is why you’re asking us?  What’s she into?  If your DJ asks for lists of “must play” and “don’t play” songs and sister is really into music, maybe ask her opinion?  If the caterer offers 8 stations at your cocktail hour and there are 12 to choose from, and sister is a foodie, ask what she thinks guests would love.  Does she love flowers?  Bring her to the florist...you get the idea.  
  
  * I’d never expect a BM to do any of these things...the BM role is literally walk up and down the aisle and stand up with you during the ceremony.  But if a BM wants to do more and doesn’t have any ideas herself, maybe hone in on her interests.

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• SoonToBeSmith0512 member

  

  December 2017

  Thanks for the suggestions, ladies. Dropping the junior is not a problem at all, and I have tried including her in all things planning related - though she really hasn’t shown interest - but I think it comes down to wanting the spotlight. Yes, totally understand that she’s 13 and maybe being a diva, but I do want her to be excited about her role. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  December 2017

  I agree with dropping the "junior."
  
  Beyond that, I'd let her decide how she feels about her role. There really isn't anything for a bridesmaid of any age to do besides go up and down the aisle and pose for photos. If she isn't more forthcoming or doesn't express enthusiasm, then just accept that you've done all you can and leave it alone.

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• artbyallie mod

  

  December 2017

  Would she like to do a reading, since she seems to want public attention?

  

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• kaos16 member

  

  December 2017

  Would she like to do a quick toast at the reception or rehearsal dinner?

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  December 2017

  - get your nails done together for the day of 
  - ask her to help you pick out your veil/jewelry/accessories/shoes
  - let her pick out her bouquet first when the florist delivers them
  - ask her to learn how to bustle your train and help you with it before the reception
  
  Actual roles:
  - ask her to hold the rings (instead of the best man)
  - ask her to lay out the train of your dress (instead of the MOH)
  - ask her to hold your bouquet when you say your vows
  - if you are having parents as part of your receiving line, maybe let her greet people too
  
  I get that she wants something else to do and that's fine. 

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