Destination Weddings

What to do with Family?

So we were planning on eloping and having a small private ceremony in Canada but we decided that we wanted our parents and siblings there. Have the family for the ceremony, afterwards maybe dinner and a nice sleigh ride or something. We really want the honeymoon/trip to be just about us afterwards, so I was just looking for advice for what to do with the fam afterwards.

At the moment, were thinking of having the fam stay in a hotel that's closer to the airport and would be in a different town from where we're staying at. I'm sure they would gave us space if we asked, and my sister would play buffer between us and the folks. I'm just not sure what's the etiquette in this situation, if i should have some kind of .. idk itinerary or something

any advice would be great.

Re: What to do with Family?

  • Well, you can't choose how long your family chooses to stay in Canada for starters. But if you want them there for the wedding, perhaps you should start by finding out if it is even feasible for them to travel to attend in the first place.
    image
    charlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    So we were planning on eloping and having a small private ceremony in Canada but we decided that we wanted our parents and siblings there. Have the family for the ceremony, afterwards maybe dinner and a nice sleigh ride or something. We really want the honeymoon/trip to be just about us afterwards, so I was just looking for advice for what to do with the fam afterwards.

    At the moment, were thinking of having the fam stay in a hotel that's closer to the airport and would be in a different town from where we're staying at. I'm sure they would gave us space if we asked, and my sister would play buffer between us and the folks. I'm just not sure what's the etiquette in this situation, if i should have some kind of .. idk itinerary or something

    any advice would be great.
    You have to pick whether you want to elope OR have a small private ceremony.

    If you marry in Canada, it sounds like what you are considering is a small destination wedding.  There is no "maybe" about hosting dinner afterwards.  If you invite any guests, then you must offer some hospitality appropriate to the time of your ceremony.

    Typically the honeymoon is just about the couple.  No guest would assume they are a part of it.

    If you plan a destination wedding, give the details of the date, time, and location.  Invited guests will decide from there how much of their time and money they choose to devote.  
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensSP29short+sassy
  • I agree with PPs, but also you can't tell them where to stay either. If you invite them they get to decide where to stay. TBH I'd be really annoyed if my sister got married, but then told me to stay in another town, out near an airport, rather than in a location that was convenient to the ceremony and dinner just because she didn't want me around later. 
    short+sassyOliveOilsMomknottie25be5578f231218b
  • How far is this location from your guests?  if they are traveling a great distance I'd err on the side of hosting more after the ceremony.....full dinner and sleigh ride sounds lovely.  Don't tell them where to stay unless you are paying for their hotel stay.
    SP29short+sassyknottie25be5578f231218b
  • I'm confused. Are you eloping? Or are you having a small wedding in Canada with just your immediate family?

    If the latter, I would just be clear to your folks about your plans: "Mom and Dad, we will get married on Friday evening, take everyone out to dinner and then a sleigh ride. On Saturday, we'll host a breakfast for everyone and then officially start our honeymoon just the two of us." That way, it's clear that after breakfast on Saturday (or whatever) you two want to be left alone. This will help them decide when to fly in and out and what to do. You can provide them a list of local things to do, but you certainly don't have to. They're big boys and girls and can google just as well as the rest of us. 
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    charlotte989875thisismynickname2InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • His family lives on the other side of the country so no matter what, someone is flying somewhere.
  • edited October 2017
    I'm confused. Are you eloping? Or are you having a small wedding in Canada with just your immediate family?
    The planning package we're looking at is an elopement package but apparently you can have up to 12 guests? it sounds like a semantics thing


    i should clarify, we want to elope and we've hinted to our folks that we want to do so. Both our moms really seem to want to be there, my mom was the one to suggest an intimate destination thing, and i don't think it'd be a problem for them to fly out there. 

    Saying "maybe" about the after dinner thing was probably bad wording, I definitely want to have a post ceremony dinner somewhere nice. I'm till brainstorming this so I don't exactly know what I want to happen afterwards, just that I want everyone to have a good time. 

    Also i'm ok with them getting their own hotels 100% but I can also afford to pay for their hotel rooms If I needed to. I've been budgeting for this trip for awhile. The airport is about 20-30 minutes from where the ceremony is being held. The wedding is also being held in national park, which charges an additional daily rate to stay in town.

    i don't know if this is relevant, but my parents are currently going through a divorce and my dad can be really hard to deal with sometimes (argumentative, likes to drink). It's part of why we wanted to elope in the first place. My sister is my "maid of honor" and going to be helping me with the parents but my ultimate goal is that everybody has a good time during and afterwards.

    and I want the ceremony to be very minimal and casual, like this: http://blog.carmichaelphoto.com/2017/05/simply-elope-in-banff-at-banff-log-cabin.html
     

    Edit: forgot to say thanks for the advice so far :)
  • You can't invite them to fly to your wedding and then banish them to an airport hotel because you don't even want them in the same town as you post wedding. 
  • Ok, so it sounds like it is a semantics thing: you're planning an intimate destination wedding with immediate family only. And it sounds lovely.

    Your parents divorcing may complicate things emotionally, but I hope they can be civil and let you enjoy this day.

    Since this is such a small group, I would send a logistics email with dates, airport codes and hotel information, including that you're planning to pay for Friday and Saturday night (only). This can serve as your save the date but also give them ample time to book flights and know that you're planning to pick up some of the tab. It'll also be a good time to let everyone know that your honeymoon starts Sunday afternoon (or whatever) so there's no expectation that you'll be tour guiding anyone past Sunday morning.
    ok cool!! Thanks for the advice, yall have been so helpful :) 


  • I gather that your ceremony and your honeymoon will be in the same location?  You invite your guests to be with you on your wedding day.  You are responsible for their comfort and entertainment (not hotel or travel costs) for your wedding day.  You are not responsible for them the following day.
    However, if they choose to stay at the same resort after your wedding day, there is nothing you can do about it.  Hopefully, this will not be an issue, but we have seen it happen with some couples at resorts.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44SP29short+sassy
  • Your intimate wedding plans sound lovely- ceremony with dinner and a sleigh ride- in Banff! *swoon*

    You are only required to host your guests for your actual wedding- ceremony and following reception. While it is considerate to have options like hotel blocks, your guests lodgings and travel are up to them. At the same time, you also don't get to tell your guests where and how long they can stay. You don't have to continue to entertain your guests for the rest of their stay, but you can't ask them to leave the hotel the next day either.

    If I were planning a trip to Banff, even a short one, I sure as heck would not only stay for 1 day! If I'm traveling for a wedding, I am expecting to get something out of the experience for myself- enjoying the location as a tourist/vacation.
    STARMOON44short+sassy
  • Do not worry about the bored and miserable. Your guests are adults and it is up to them to decide how short or long they want to stay in the area. If they are interested, there are MANY things they can do in the Banff area. Or they can travel back to Calgary and do stuff there. 

    As for the cold- where are you and your family coming from? Are they familiar with the Banff area and it's weather? Sounds like you are getting married in winter. Winter is cold and snowy there- though that area does see a lot more variation in weather due to the mountains, so some days may be warm even. If your guests are not familiar with the area, I would give them a heads up to check the weather network before they go. And if you are doing the sleigh ride with family, particularly if it's on the same day as your ceremony, I would give your guests a heads up about this before hand so they can plan their attire accordingly. I'd still wear a dress to your wedding, but I might opt to wear a sweater dress with tights as well as bring my winter boots and long coat.
    short+sassy
  • SP29 said:
    Do not worry about the bored and miserable. Your guests are adults and it is up to them to decide how short or long they want to stay in the area. If they are interested, there are MANY things they can do in the Banff area. Or they can travel back to Calgary and do stuff there. 

    As for the cold- where are you and your family coming from? Are they familiar with the Banff area and it's weather? Sounds like you are getting married in winter. Winter is cold and snowy there- though that area does see a lot more variation in weather due to the mountains, so some days may be warm even. If your guests are not familiar with the area, I would give them a heads up to check the weather network before they go. And if you are doing the sleigh ride with family, particularly if it's on the same day as your ceremony, I would give your guests a heads up about this before hand so they can plan their attire accordingly. I'd still wear a dress to your wedding, but I might opt to wear a sweater dress with tights as well as bring my winter boots and long coat.
    He and his family is from Virginia, and my family is from Texas. Part of why I wanted to have it in a snowy location is because we never really have winters here. I really wanted mountains, snow and the whole winter experience. My parents lived in Washington state for a few years (which is where I was born) so I think they'll be ok. My sister loves snowboarding in CA so I'm not worried about her at all, haha. 

    Thanks for the advice though! I'll definitely let them know that they'll need to be prepared. I was kind of thinking of making some kind of little booklet or something when I send out my invites or maybe linking them my wedding blog where i've been cataloging my research.
  • Banff is my backyard. Tons of things to do. 

    Banff, Lake Louise, Jasper and Canmore are all doable for activities. So many options. Feel free to PM me for ideas. 
  • ashashashleyashashashley
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2017
    ernursej said:
    Do you have to get married in Canada? Why not get married in your hometown and then go to Canada for your honeymoon after?


    I guess she just enjoys the feeling of eloping wedding.
  • ashashashleyashashashley
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2017
    I am thinking to have my wedding in France and I am planning a beach wedding. After the ceremony, Michale and me will go on honeymoon. However, I don't like the idea that my fam and besties just traveled abroad to attend a ceremony to fulfill my dream. So I asked the travel agents whether they can give us a package, eg.flights+hotels+tickets to local sites; so I can see the budget and let my family and BMs to afford the part they can. I have 4 BMs and 4 GMs. Michale and I have told them about this plan, and they are thrilled. You can also try this. So after the wedding, you can have your own schedule and your family and friends can also enjoy their stay. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I am thinking to have my wedding in France and I am planning a beach wedding. After the ceremony, Michale and me will go on honeymoon. However, I don't like the idea that my fam and besties just traveled abroad to attend a ceremony to fulfill my dream. So I asked the travel agents whether they can give us a package, eg.flights+hotels+tickets to local sites; so I can see the budget and let my family and BMs to afford the part they can. I have 4 BMs and 4 GMs. Michale and I have told them about this plan, and they are thrilled. You can also try this. So after the wedding, you can have your own schedule and your family and friends can also enjoy their stay. 
      I am hoping that in your attempt to be brief, you forgot to qualify your statement.

    After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests.  This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.

    southernbelle0915
  • MobKaz said:
    I am thinking to have my wedding in France and I am planning a beach wedding. After the ceremony, Michale and me will go on honeymoon. However, I don't like the idea that my fam and besties just traveled abroad to attend a ceremony to fulfill my dream. So I asked the travel agents whether they can give us a package, eg.flights+hotels+tickets to local sites; so I can see the budget and let my family and BMs to afford the part they can. I have 4 BMs and 4 GMs. Michale and I have told them about this plan, and they are thrilled. You can also try this. So after the wedding, you can have your own schedule and your family and friends can also enjoy their stay. 
      I am hoping that in your attempt to be brief, you forgot to qualify your statement.

    After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests.  This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.

    Ditto - @ashashashley if you're asking people to spend thousands of dollars to travel to France for your wedding, you need to host dinner afterwards. At least.
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    image
  • MobKaz said:
      I am hoping that in your attempt to be brief, you forgot to qualify your statement.

    After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests.  This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.


    What I suggested is a travel package so that she can save money on flights and hotels. Pls thanks for the advice on food and drink, the hotel made an offer but it's too much for us to afford. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    MobKaz said:
      I am hoping that in your attempt to be brief, you forgot to qualify your statement.

    After the ceremony, you and Michale MUST host something for your guests.  This must be done even if your guests traveled two blocks to attend your wedding.


    What I suggested is a travel package so that she can save money on flights and hotels. Pls thanks for the advice on food and drink, the hotel made an offer but it's too much for us to afford. 
    But you are hosting *something* following the ceremony, yeah?? 
    It doesn't have to be at the hotel. Find a restaurant. Go there and buy your guests dinner. But you have to do something.

    Anniversary

    ahoywedding
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