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Young Ring Bearers and Flower Girl

Emillee23Emillee23 member
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in Wedding Party
Hi guys!! My fiancé and I have twin sons who we would like for our ring bearers. The issue is they will only be 1.5 at the time of the wedding and I’m nervous they won’t be able to walk down the isle by themselves. What are some ideas? 

Also- has anyone gone without a flower girl? We don’t really have any options 
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Re: Young Ring Bearers and Flower Girl

  • ernursejernursej member
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    I didn’t have flower girls or ring beaters and have zero regrets. I think 1.5 is too young. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    They definitely won’t be able to walk down the aisle themselves. If you want to call them ringbearrrs fine but you need a different plan. 
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
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    Emillee23 said:
    Hi guys!! My fiancé and I have twin sons who we would like for our ring bearers. The issue is they will only be 1.5 at the time of the wedding and I’m nervous they won’t be able to walk down the isle by themselves. What are some ideas? 

    Also- has anyone gone without a flower girl? We don’t really have any options 
    I agree with PPs. They will be too little to remember it let alone walk by themselves. Dress them in cute little suits (or whatever you like), take 1001 pictures with them but ring bearers are totally not needed. Same with flower girls.
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  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
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    Completely agree with PPs. 1.5 is way too young. If they can't walk down the aisle by themselves they should not be in the wedding. But of course you can dress them in adorable outfits and have your photographer (if you're hiring one) take special photos with them.

    My H and I did not have a flower girl. We have no regrets and our marriage is still valid. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    As much as I agree that 1.5yrs old is too young, I also have to say it depends on who is watching the child and how strong their walk is. My husband's cousin has a son who just turned a year in early November and he's got a really strong walk, whereas I know another child around the same age {a few days apart tbh} and isn't as good a walker.

    If you really want both boys, could the older one hold the younger one's hand?

    We had neither flower girl nor ring bearer {tbh we couldn't choose between kids and didn't want a whole lot anyways} No regrets.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    At that age, I'd put them in as a ceremonial role only.  

    If someone volunteers to carry them down the aisle, great.   If not, dress them up and take photos with them.

    I would place the very earliest age at child attendants at 3 and even then it's dependent on the kid.   On a good day my daughter would be OK with it.   There is no way I would have my 3 yo son agree to be a ring bearer.    Kid's cute but he does things on HIS terms.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Even if they can physically walk, they won't be able to understand what's going on or follow directions to appropriately do this. And they'll have zero memory of it, so it's not like it'll be special to them.

    I would just dress them up in whatever you want and take some really great family pictures. 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    I was at a wedding with an 18 month old ring bearer.  He did not want anything to do with the wedding (even though he adores his aunt, the bride) and screamed bloody murder.  His dad carried him down the aisle since his mother insisted that he be the ring bearer.

    That church has very good acoustics and the boy has very good lungs.  It was quite uncomfortable.

    Another vote for no. 




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  • Emillee23Emillee23 member
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    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    Like others have said, a FG definitely isn't necessary.  So, no worries there.

    My RB (my nephew) was on the young side at 2 1/2.  But still a year older than your FI's sons will be.  Honestly, if he had been too young to walk on his own, I wouldn't have included him and would not have had a RB.

    When I asked, my sister warned me he may not do it on the day of.  I absolutely assured her that we would make it a "game day" decision and I wouldn't be upset at all if he was too fussy, unhappy, whatever and didn't want to walk down the aisle.

    He was having a good day for my wedding and did participate, holding his 5-year-old sister's hand.  She was my FG.  My sister was my MOH, so her H was sitting in the first row.  The plan was, once they got to the end of the aisle, they would walk over to and sit with him.  So, neither one of them actually stayed at the altar.  Everything worked out without a hitch.

    If you all do want to have them as your RBs, I think the only way to do it is to have someone, or two someones, carry them down.  Although babies typically can walk at 18 months, they are not fast and they are not steady.

    Most importantly, I hope you all don't get so swept up in the idea of them being RBs, that how they're feeling gets ignored.  They're babies.  If the time comes and they're upset/crying, just nix it and have whomever is watching them keep them comfortable and happy. 

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    Ok - ask your parents to carry them down as part of the processional. Even if they can physically walk, they will not be able to follow direction enough to get down the aisle alone. 

    Don't use a wagon. At 18 months, they are squirmy, restless and mobile. If they try to jump ship (and they will), it's not a safe situation. -signed mother of a 2 year old. 
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    Whenever I read about people asking whether little/young babies should participate in a wedding ceremony, I always wonder the time of their ceremony.  Typically, nap times are mid afternoon to early evening.  Just having a little one that age AT a wedding seems a huge risk.  I cannot imagine expecting one to "participate" in a wedding.

    The beauty of online forums is that you never need to ask.  You admitted to being "nervous" and asked for ideas.  The general idea you can take from your post is that the majority of people responding find babies at 18 months to be unreliable at best.  Being carried is about the only way you can ensure the babies will actually get up the aisle.  The potential noise factor is an entirely different issue. 
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  • oliviaengagedoliviaengaged member
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    Usually flower girls and ring bearers range from ages three to eight years old. But don't let that stop you from giving those roles to someone younger. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    The point though is that you may be creating a scene...a bad one.   So you can ask a family member or friend to carry the kids down the AISLE but then that person would also be in charge of missing your ceremony in the event of a tantrum.

    And the point about nap times is great.   My napping 3 yo is a nightmare before he needs to be sleeping.   The pre nap and pre bedtimes are not when I'd ask him to do anything that involves listening to directions and being friendly. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    We don't respond well to "I didn't ask you about X" because it's childish and irrelevant.

    By posting here in this forum, you solicited our opinion on everything contained in your post, whether you specifically asked for it or not.  That's the case in every Internet forum. 

    We also don't validate bad ideas by telling people how to execute them, and if we don't think something is a good idea, we're going to say so without sugarcoating it-regardless of how "important" it is to you (generic).

    We have valid reasons for not supporting the idea of trying to bring 1.5 year olds up and down the aisle at a wedding, and bringing them up is our prerogative - regardless of whether you asked about it.

    We're not going to change our opinion just because you "didn't ask us about it."

     
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited December 2017
    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    WE all know what you asked. You've received helpful comments from moms, grandmoms, aunts and friends of 1 1/2 year old children. Is there some reason you can't benefit from the info offered?

    There is no surefire way of getting 2 very young boys to walk down the aisle on cue, so be prepared with a familiar sitter who will entertain them so the family members will be able to enjoy your ceremony. In other words, Grandma should not be the one who will have to remove the children if they throw tantrums. You should walk or carry them down the aisle. If the boys still enjoy their strollers, once they've learned to walk, you could decorate the stroller and have trusted adult push them down the aisle. Don't use a wagon.


                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    My 15 month old is going to be my ring bearer in the Dominican next week. I'm really not worried about it at all. He walks quite well but I am going to get the best man to actually have the rings just in case he decides to toss the box. I asked my mom to be on "Ben duty" in case he goes rogue. He is obsessed with his dad so I assume when he sees him at the end of the aisle, he will go right to him. BUT I am also aware that that might not happen, and he might just lose it. I really don't care if he does. I'm a parent of a toddler and thats the regular for me haha. The back up plan is if my mom can't wrangle him, then his dad will get him and carry him to the end of the aisle. Our ceremony is at 4pm so it's an hour after he's usually had a nap. Also, we do not have a flower girl.

    Good luck & I hope your boys are good for you :)
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    I did not have any children involved in the wedding and have no regrets about it. 
    My H was best man in a wedding the other weekend, there was a less than 2 yo slated to be the ring barer. He didn't make it up the aisle during rehearsal. Bride and groom were flexible and he didn't end up participating on the wedding day itself. In fact, he spent most of the wedding wailing in the bridal suite for all to hear...
    You have to manage your own expectations that no matter what you plan, he may have other plans that day and might not be able to participate. I ditto what others have suggested regarding having a family member carry him. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    At 1.5, it'll go any of three ways.  1) They'll be the star of the show (bride WHO???)... 2) Terrified or screaming/Angel babies/They're going to make the room erupt in some way... 3) Meh!  

    Since these are YOUR children, that's different than niece/nephew/friend because you'll have time to prep based on their personalities (see above).  That said, you have to take a NBD approach with each individually, if they want to walk in with you or your FI, let them, it's a "Game day decision".  If they want to stay in the "cry room" or play area instead of even being in the room, let them.  The more relaxed and care free you are, the better the chances of them "walk to Dad!" during the processional.  The thing is to plan for someone to be their attendants because you're going to be busy and a "quick escape" during the ceremony because 1.5 is early stages of training, so if one loads a diaper, someone's there to remedy.  This person needs to be someone they're familiar with and associate having more fun with than the two of you.  Pay this person, and it should not be the grandparents unless they volunteer without being asked because as much as it's your wedding, (presuming healthy relationship here) your parents are having their moment too, so let them enjoy the day, not be babysitting.  

    The more you "go with the flow" the easier things will be with 1.5yo's, skip anything to do with a FG, it's not a necessity.  My real thing to say is "Purchase two suits in their size from Target/Walmart during the Holiday/Easter season then you've got a backup outfit without worrying about them getting something on it before pictures! (it's cheaper than renting)...
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  • Ro041Ro041 member
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    edited December 2017
    Where are these 1.5 kiddos going to "bear" the rings?  I think you have other issues besides how they will walk down the aisle - i.e. if they are too young to walk on their own, they are too young to actually do the job which is to walk with the rings down the aisle.

    I didn't have ring bearers or a flower girl in my wedding.  We had kids involved and took special pictures with some of the ones who are most important to us but we didn't give them roles they couldn't fulfill.  

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2017

    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    Children who are 1.5 years old are still classified as babies.  They should not take an active part in any wedding ceremony.  You are focused on yourself, not on the children's needs.  I find your statement incredibly selfish.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    Emillee23 said:
    I didn’t ask if I should have them in the wedding or not I asked for ideas on how to get them down the isle. It may not be special to them, but it’s special to us. 
    Didn't see this earlier...  If your kids are in daycare, ask your DCP for ideas because I've been amazed at the things they get kids to do even at 1 to 1.5 that I'd have NEVER thought a kid that age could do (zipping coats, putting mittens on, socks & shoes, walking in lines, waiting turns, etc.)
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