Wedding Woes

Halp!!!! Sil wants baby at bachelorette

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Re: Halp!!!! Sil wants baby at bachelorette

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    banana468 said:
    First, I have a six-month-old. She won't be left overnight for a looooooong time. Probably the first time would be when we have our next child if I go into labor overnight! The longest she has been left is about 3.5 hours. She does not like the bottle, only tolerating it when my sister gave it to her, or solid food (not that she will be eating a significant amount of solid food for several months yet). 

    Second, there was a baby at the b-party I threw for my sister. And no baby sitter! The mom and other people just held him throughout. No big deal. A 4- month-old is not going to remember seeing a piece of lingerie. 

    Yes, they should have asked you before having the grandmother come in, but seriously!!! You think parents are going to leave a 4-month-old out of state overnight!? If they did ask, the answer should have been yes or they're not coming. 

    The snide comments are out of line. When they say that, you should say, "I don't appreciate you saying that. Please stop."

    The baby at the wedding. Tell them no. But be prepared that one or both of them may drop out of the wedding. Babies at that age, particularly for longer things, tend to be a package deal with the parents. I can't imagine leaving my child a month and a half ago for upwards of six hours or a full day. Not happening. 
    OK - I honestly think some of this isn't really helping your cause.   You're saying that the longest you've ever left your own 6 mo has been 3.5 hours.   And while that's your choice, it's YOUR choice.   Plenty of people leave their kids at much younger ages because their options are do it or do not have a job.    At 7 weeks for DD and 6 weeks for DS I was leaving them for 8 hours because I had to work.  People do it all the time.  That said, it's far different to do it during operating hours of a daycare compared to a weekend when you're at a wedding and if nursing the game changes because at some point you're going to need to pump or nurse or you'll leak.   But you can do it.   It's just a pain in the ass.   My  son never had formula and didn't like taking the bottle from DH but I closed my office door and pumped every 2-3 hours.   You can make it work.

    Secondly, I'm interpreting the OP's gripe not about the baby seeing the lingerie but about her FMIL seeing it.   I am seeing this not as a grip that the mom, dad and baby are crashing at their house but that they decided to bring the FMIL along as an uninvited guest into a place that isn't their home.   Maybe your family is open like that but I can tell you that I wouldn't appreciate being told that I need to plan for an additional overnight guest including linens and a bed in my home on a night that a party is being thrown for me.   That's not unreasonable. 


    True. However, daycare is also nearby. If something comes up, you can leave and go to them. She's talking about them leaving their baby out of state!

    I didn't pick up on the MiL thing. I assumed it was her not wanting a baby to see it. 

    I agree about unexpected guests. I wouldn't like that either, and as I said, the BIL and SIL should have asked about that. But again, it sounds like the choice is the kid and MiL or they're not coming. So if she really wants the BIL and SIL there, she would have to say yes. 
    No, the FSIL can decline

    I feel like your posts put a lot of pressure on the OP. Like "if you REALLY cared, you'd let them walk all over you." No. The correct answer is "if FSIL REALLY wants to attend, she can make alternative arrangements." And the OP is not responsible for coming up with ideas for that. FSIL is the parent and she is responsible for figuring it out. 

    Example, I am invited to a wedding out of state this coming May. I will have a 3 week old and a 2.5 year old, neither of whom are invited. I am declining this invitation. Something I'm NOT doing is inviting my children to the party along with my mom.
    Exactly! That's what I'm saying! I said if she wants them there, she may have to say yes. The SIL and/or BIL declining means one or both of them won't be there. If she's fine with them possibly not attending, then sure, go ahead and say no and be prepared for the possibility of declines. 

    I also completely agree with your second graf. Yes, it's on the parents. But it sounds like the OP wants them there, which means she may have to make concessions. Sure, she can say no, but that may mean people dropping out of her wedding party. I'm trying to get her to understand the way it is with parents of infants. I don't know a single person, even the ones who put their babies in daycare, who would leave a baby at that age for many hours, probably over a day or two, out of state with someone else. Even a close family member.  The OP seems to think it's just easy to leave them with a sitter like that, and it's not. If this were the SIL posting about difficulties, I'd be saying, "A baby free wedding is within etiquette. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my baby either, so unfortunately, you're probably going to have to drop out if you can't find a sitter or something else to do with the baby. You can ask for an exception if you want, but she's perfectly fine to say no and you may have to decline."

    ETF: autocorrect. 
    To the first two bolded's: The OP can want them there AND not say yes, though. That's my point. Is that these scenarios aren't on the host like "if you REALLY want them there, you'll say yes to their terms" or whatever. OP obviously wants FSIL there. She invited her. The invitation puts the ball in FSIL's court to figure it out without being rude (e.g. inviting her baby, inviting her mom, etc.). This isn't a situation where the host has to adjust the plans "if she really wants someone there". KWIM?

    To the third bolded: *raises hand* hello, you just met someone! If I had local family who would watch my baby while I went away for a night, I would do it. If you're (general you) a parent who wouldn't, then don't. Stay within arms reach of your baby and decline these types of invitations. But don't ask for exceptions, invite people without asking, or shift any blame to the hosts.
    Haha, ok. Personally, my H and I would decline in this situation. We also live in Alaska where out of state literally means a three-hour flight. 
    I agree the husband of the MiL or whatever being there is definitely over the top. 



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