"Never Speak To Me Or My Son Again" or: How I Yelled At Some Stranger's Kid in Texas

baconsmom · January 2018

So back in October, Mr. Winters and I went down to Houston for a book event. Great event, had a nice trip and a great time, and I met my first fan "in the wild" on the way back (at a sex toy store, naturally.).

Anyway, so we're driving back, and we stop at a McD's for lunch. As we're getting our shit together to leave, some kid keeps screaming at the front counter. Not a baby crying; not someone in pain or fear or something. Just some kid, going AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH at the top of his lungs to annoy his sister.

His mom is standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, and she does nothing. Doesn't even LOOK when he shouts.

So we go by on our way out, and I say, in a totally normal conversational tone to the kid, "Stop screaming. It's rude."

We walk out.

Halfway to our car, I hear, "Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. STOP WALKING, BITCH," but of course I'm not paying any attention to that nonsense.

I unlock the doors and go to get in the car, and I hear, "NEVER SPEAK TO MY CHILD AGAIN!" just barely over the sound of - guess what - THE KID FUCKING YELLING SOME MORE.

So I finally look back over my shoulder and say, "Well, maybe you should discipline your kid, then. HAVE A NICE DAY!"

short+sassy · January 2018

From the "bitch" reference in her wording, I think we can all safely assume where her child gets his poor manners from.

TrixieJess · January 2018

short+sassy said:

From the "bitch" reference in her wording, I think we can all safely assume where her child gets his poor manners from.

Yep. This makes me grateful that for the annoying little shit that my DS can be, he can go out in public without being an embarrassment because he knows better.

Ro041 · January 2018

Ughhhhhhh I hate that kind of stuff. If you don't even try to keep your child under control, don't expect me to just sit idly by and not say anything. (Now, that is not to say that I don't have sympathy for parents whose kids are throwing a tantrum and they can't get him/her to stop).

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

Yay to fan "in the wild" 1st

2nd - urg some people. I've worked restaurant and my mum did for longer. So many times you'd be walking with hot coffee pot and kids would run around like nuts. This lady would 100% be the one to be the "you spilled coffee on my child! You're to blame - not me!"
Kudos to saying something!

ei34 · January 2018

I’d pass on telling the kid to stop screaming. Do we know for sure that he doesn’t have a developmental delay or a processing disorder or autism or a mood disorder? Or nothing wrong but mom is just ignoring a tantrum?
The mom’s response was crappy though. Poor example to set in front of your kids.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

I've read a recently article about dealing with kids who are having a freak out in public places, and how to handle them. After talking to my mum, apparently she did this with me and it worked.

Basically it's instead of just flipping shit at the kid, you try to speak normally. If they continue to freak out then you remove them from the situation and sit in the car, or on a bench until they can calm down. Depending on the age, depends on whether they can explain what's wrong obviously, but once they calm down then you can figure out how to deal.

I read that and thought it was really good, considering a lot of kids don't really know what the issue is at first or can't explain because they're too upset.

banana468 · January 2018

MissKittyDanger said:

I've read a recently article about dealing with kids who are having a freak out in public places, and how to handle them. After talking to my mum, apparently she did this with me and it worked.

Basically it's instead of just flipping shit at the kid, you try to speak normally. If they continue to freak out then you remove them from the situation and sit in the car, or on a bench until they can calm down. Depending on the age, depends on whether they can explain what's wrong obviously, but once they calm down then you can figure out how to deal.

I read that and thought it was really good, considering a lot of kids don't really know what the issue is at first or can't explain because they're too upset.

Well, that's assuming that you're parenting.

I've done this at times as well. But sometimes the kid needs to be yelled at or s/he won't stop.

baconsmom · January 2018

@MissKittyDanger, yeah, that's how I dealt with Bacon's tantrums. Treat kids like people, and it goes pretty far. But I always removed her FIRST, because it's not anyone else's job/responsibility/obligation to listening to a kid scream. I can't stand it, myself.

@eileenrob This kid was not having any sort of meltdown or anything. I listened to his sister ask him at least 4 times to please stop it (while I refilled my soda) and every time she did, he gave a short yell. It was definitely an "I'm pissing off Sis" thing, which is normal - they were probably around 4-6 years old - but I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT. They're not my kids. I don't want to be in the position of listening to someone else's children's fights. That's ridiculous.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

banana468 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

I've read a recently article about dealing with kids who are having a freak out in public places, and how to handle them. After talking to my mum, apparently she did this with me and it worked.

Basically it's instead of just flipping shit at the kid, you try to speak normally. If they continue to freak out then you remove them from the situation and sit in the car, or on a bench until they can calm down. Depending on the age, depends on whether they can explain what's wrong obviously, but once they calm down then you can figure out how to deal.

I read that and thought it was really good, considering a lot of kids don't really know what the issue is at first or can't explain because they're too upset.

Well, that's assuming that you're parenting.

I've done this at times as well. But sometimes the kid needs to be yelled at or s/he won't stop.

Agreed to both.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

@baconsmom You make a good point about removing child first. I will keep that noted

banana468 · January 2018

Believe me there are times it sucks. And I'll be honest - when I reach the front of the grocery store I may sometimes just ignore my child if I think we can power through the issue.

That said, if we're in a quiet area, restaurant or other location we GTFO and then tantrum it up in private with my menacing mom whisper.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

banana468 said:

Believe me there are times it sucks. And I'll be honest - when I reach the front of the grocery store I may sometimes just ignore my child if I think we can power through the issue.

That said, if we're in a quiet area, restaurant or other location we GTFO and then tantrum it up in private with my menacing mom whisper.

Which makes sense, if you're by yourself grocery shopping then you don't have a choice with handling it.

I never really thought of that part, because right now we're not able to do "one parent grocery shops" because M has the license and I make the list {I hate the store near us for anything other than picking up small things}

banana468 · January 2018

MissKittyDanger said:

banana468 said:

Believe me there are times it sucks. And I'll be honest - when I reach the front of the grocery store I may sometimes just ignore my child if I think we can power through the issue.

That said, if we're in a quiet area, restaurant or other location we GTFO and then tantrum it up in private with my menacing mom whisper.

Which makes sense, if you're by yourself grocery shopping then you don't have a choice with handling it.

I never really thought of that part, because right now we're not able to do "one parent grocery shops" because M has the license and I make the list {I hate the store near us for anything other than picking up small things}

FWIW, I do the least amount of grocery shopping. DH often gets things on the way home from work and I handle the kids. It's an absolute pain in the ass to try to be productive while hands are reaching out from carts or trying to grab for the impulse items at their eye levels.

Warehouse shopping isn't nearly as bad aside from the stupid free samples.

STARMOON44 · January 2018

baconsmom said:

@MissKittyDanger, yeah, that's how I dealt with Bacon's tantrums. Treat kids like people, and it goes pretty far. But I always removed her FIRST, because it's not anyone else's job/responsibility/obligation to listening to a kid scream. I can't stand it, myself.

@eileenrob This kid was not having any sort of meltdown or anything. I listened to his sister ask him at least 4 times to please stop it (while I refilled my soda) and every time she did, he gave a short yell. It was definitely an "I'm pissing off Sis" thing, which is normal - they were probably around 4-6 years old - but I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT. They're not my kids. I don't want to be in the position of listening to someone else's children's fights. That's ridiculous.

In a McDonald’s?!? That’s the background noise. I think you’re being a bit precious about this.

short+sassy · January 2018

baconsmom said:

@MissKittyDanger, yeah, that's how I dealt with Bacon's tantrums. Treat kids like people, and it goes pretty far. But I always removed her FIRST, because it's not anyone else's job/responsibility/obligation to listening to a kid scream. I can't stand it, myself.

@eileenrob This kid was not having any sort of meltdown or anything. I listened to his sister ask him at least 4 times to please stop it (while I refilled my soda) and every time she did, he gave a short yell. It was definitely an "I'm pissing off Sis" thing, which is normal - they were probably around 4-6 years old - but I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT. They're not my kids. I don't want to be in the position of listening to someone else's children's fights. That's ridiculous.

Sounds like the sister, a young child herself, was being a better parent than their own mother! At least at that point in time and assuming she wasn't screaming "stop it", back at him.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

banana468 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

banana468 said:

Believe me there are times it sucks. And I'll be honest - when I reach the front of the grocery store I may sometimes just ignore my child if I think we can power through the issue.

That said, if we're in a quiet area, restaurant or other location we GTFO and then tantrum it up in private with my menacing mom whisper.

Which makes sense, if you're by yourself grocery shopping then you don't have a choice with handling it.

I never really thought of that part, because right now we're not able to do "one parent grocery shops" because M has the license and I make the list {I hate the store near us for anything other than picking up small things}

FWIW, I do the least amount of grocery shopping. DH often gets things on the way home from work and I handle the kids. It's an absolute pain in the ass to try to be productive while hands are reaching out from carts or trying to grab for the impulse items at their eye levels.

Warehouse shopping isn't nearly as bad aside from the stupid free samples.

Once the kid starts being able to grab things, we'll probably change things.

*Ideal world, one person pays attention to kid while the other grabs things on shelves if we're both shopping

ei34 · January 2018

baconsmom said:

@MissKittyDanger, yeah, that's how I dealt with Bacon's tantrums. Treat kids like people, and it goes pretty far. But I always removed her FIRST, because it's not anyone else's job/responsibility/obligation to listening to a kid scream. I can't stand it, myself.

@eileenrob This kid was not having any sort of meltdown or anything. I listened to his sister ask him at least 4 times to please stop it (while I refilled my soda) and every time she did, he gave a short yell. It was definitely an "I'm pissing off Sis" thing, which is normal - they were probably around 4-6 years old - but I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT. They're not my kids. I don't want to be in the position of listening to someone else's children's fights. That's ridiculous.

Eh...with more info I still wouldn’t have bothered. Two young siblings fighting/annoying each other...mom ignoring the bickering. At a nice restaurant that’s inappropriate. At a McDonald’s that’s fine (IMO).
I do agree that the mom chasing you to the parking lot was weird.

LondonLisa · January 2018

I mean, annoying, yes. And the mum shouldn't have swore at you. She was out of line. But I agree with @STARMOON44 - you were at McDonalds. The restaurant equivalent of socks with Crocs. It wasn't really your job, nor place to get involved. There is no way to know if there are special needs, you don't know the backstory. It is really easy to judge. You don't even know what was going on in that mum's life. Maybe, just maybe when you eat out of cardboard and there is a humanoid, sentient hamburger mayor, don't act like your tasting menu at El Bulli was ruined because a kid was acting like dumb kid.

GBCK · January 2018

eh, I will say, the fact that it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck doesn't mean it's not a zebra when it comes to kids and needs.
(says someone who has athletic taped pants to socks every day this week, because sensory shit is a PITA and this is our current solution.)

But I'll also say that I may have used the "well, if you were parenting your kid, I wouldn't have to be" line at least once in my life.

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

Yea I mean I’m annoyed by kids screaming too. Who isn’t? But it’s McDonald’s. So a kid is being loud and you’re on your way out the door. Quietly judge if you must, but keep walking.

As others have said, there is no way to know what is going on with him. Dropping a one liner on a kid (really meant as a passive aggressive blow at his mom) and walking away is pretty sanctimonious IMO.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

Idk .... my mum works at McD's currently, worked in a food court and restaurant. None of which are okay to allow your kid to be just screaming - from an employee's prospective. It makes it really hard to hear the person's order because most McD have an echo.

So I disagree. It doesn't matter where you are, if they think it's okay in one place it's possible they could continue next time or somewhere else.

Ro041 · January 2018

This whole debate about whether you should expect this kind of thing reminds me of that Family Guy episode where Brian starts peeing on a grocery store floor and Peter says, "Jeez, Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?"

short+sassy · January 2018

Ro041 said:

This whole debate about whether you should expect this kind of thing reminds me of that Family Guy episode where Brian starts peeing on a grocery store floor and Peter says, "Jeez, Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?"

Haha! Though, generally speaking, I think Peter needs more "how to behave in public"/etiquette lessons then Brian does, lol.

southernbelle0915 · January 2018

MissKittyDanger said:

Idk .... my mum works at McD's currently, worked in a food court and restaurant. None of which are okay to allow your kid to be just screaming - from an employee's prospective. It makes it really hard to hear the person's order because most McD have an echo.

So I disagree. It doesn't matter where you are, if they think it's okay in one place it's possible they could continue next time or somewhere else.

For a kid who doesn’t have developmental or psychological disorders, I don’t disagree. But the point is that there’s no way to know this.

parents with kids like this often take them to places that are naturally noisier - like McDonalds or a food court.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

southernbelle0915 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

Idk .... my mum works at McD's currently, worked in a food court and restaurant. None of which are okay to allow your kid to be just screaming - from an employee's prospective. It makes it really hard to hear the person's order because most McD have an echo.

So I disagree. It doesn't matter where you are, if they think it's okay in one place it's possible they could continue next time or somewhere else.

For a kid who doesn’t have developmental or psychological disorders, I don’t disagree. But the point is that there’s no way to know this.

parents with kids like this often take them to places that are naturally noisier - like McDonalds or a food court.

I don't discredit kids who cannot help themselves, and for the most part it ends up being my mum that speaks to the kid/parent about the screaming.
She generally just asks the kid to stop screaming first {nicely - ex: "can you stop screaming please? thanks"} if the kid doesn't listen, she'll go to the parent to ask them to have to kid settle down. For the most part she hasn't encountered any kids that are screaming with issues that she's aware over. Rarely does she get a parent who won't stop their kid from screaming.

*Barbie* · January 2018

@baconsmom

YOU NEED TO COME BACK WHEN WE'RE IN THE COUNTRY!!!

(btw, was it Cindie's?)

MobKaz · January 2018

You were getting ready to leave. You made the comment on your way OUT. It was unnecessary to comment.

ETA....I was going to say my brief "piece" and walk away. However, the more I reread these responses, the more frustrated I get.

Parent shaming, regardless of the "issue", is just wrong. There is an incredible amount of judgment and self righteous justification in these responses. "I used a totally normal conversational tone". "The mom did nothing". It's OK for you to "ignore that nonsense" that came from mom , but you put yourself in this situation because you could NOT ignore a child's nonsense.

Assuming the parent has bad manners because she referred to a complete and meddling stranger as a bitch is equally unjustifiable.

Depending on the situation, ignoring IS an effective tool. Sister's constant chiding of the brother could be the exact issue that continued to set brother off. Sister "asked him at least 4 times to stop", and EVERY time she did, he gave a short yell". If anything, as the mom, I would have quietly signaled to the sister to ignore as well.

Should you have to listen to it? Absolutely not. But should you be judging and admonishing a young kid and parent shaming his mom? Nope.

FWIW, we have also used extremely casual dining experiences, such as fast food restaurants, as starting points to teach restaurant manners. My expectations are extremely realistic in environments when one can dine alongside a giant slide and ball pit.

"Never Speak To Me Or My Son Again" or: How I Yelled At Some Stranger's Kid in Texas

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