I was looking for some insight and advice here. I am getting married in a year, and I actually have two MOHs (they are twins, and I have known them since I was 4. They are the closest people to sisters that I will ever have, and though they obviously are two unique individuals, choosing one over the other is just not fathomable). Here's the dilemma: they both live thousands of miles away, and one of them is in her residency, while the other is defending her PHD dissertation this year. They're both brilliant, awesome, SUCCESSFUL women, and the timing of my wedding TOTALLY sucks for them. I do not harbor any sort of resentment towards them whatsoever for their busy schedules and grad-student budgets (I've been there), but I do want to make sure that I am able to be practical here in regards to certain wedding events.
In particular, it is time to plan the bachelorette party. All of my other 7 bridesmaids are able to make one date work, but it's going to be very challenging for both MOHs to be there. It might be possible, but it will definitely be stressful, and a whole lot to ask of them. I spoke with one the other day, and she told me that she will do her best, but worse comes to worst, we could do it without her. Is this an option even worth considering?? I don't want to exclude her, but at the same time, I don't want her to be bending over backwards and traveling miles, spending hundreds of dollars, etc., all while gearing up for the most important month of her career and life. My other MOH won't even know her schedule until much later due to her job, so it's about a 50/50 whether she will be able to make it. I already feel like I have asked way too much of these women to be my MOHs, but at the same time, I know that they are proud to have that title, even if it is stressful for their current lifestyle. I guess I'm looking for validation that it's okay to have less involved MOHs? I know that this bachelorette party issue will continue into bridal shower planning, perhaps even the rehearsal dinner, etc. etc.
Have any of you had a very hands-off MOH? Have you had a MOH that didn't go to your bachelorette party or bridal shower? Is it okay for me to proceed and plan things without them, and just hope that they can make it? Does this lift a burden, or would it be offensive?
Of course, I plan to have an honest conversation with each of them very soon about all this, but the internet never fails to give unique perspective, and I would love to receive some input before moving forward :-)