Registering and Gifts

Gift for Groom's birth mother

I am stumped on this....
The groom's birth mother and adopted mother are both attending the wedding (they are both very close).

Long story short - the birth mother is the sister of the groom's father and technically he was adopted by his uncle and aunt when he was a little baby....cut to now....everyone knows and everyone is great with it.

I already have a gift in mind for his adopted mother but I'm not sure what to get his birth mother. The groom thinks of her as more of an aunt but still wants her to feel included.

 I was thinking something meaningful like: Thanks for giving birth to the man of my dream's instead of raising him. Or a picture frame with a nice saying. 

Are there any suggestions on a meaningful present I can get the groom's birth mother?

Thank you!

Re: Gift for Groom's birth mother

  • I am stumped on this....
    The groom's birth mother and adopted mother are both attending the wedding (they are both very close).

    Long story short - the birth mother is the sister of the groom's father and technically he was adopted by his uncle and aunt when he was a little baby....cut to now....everyone knows and everyone is great with it.

    I already have a gift in mind for his adopted mother but I'm not sure what to get his birth mother. The groom thinks of her as more of an aunt but still wants her to feel included.

     I was thinking something meaningful like: Thanks for giving birth to the man of my dream's instead of raising him. Or a picture frame with a nice saying. 

    Are there any suggestions on a meaningful present I can get the groom's birth mother?

    Thank you!
    If you’re toying with including the bolded line, I’d pass.  I know you mean well, but the “instead of” kind of diminishes her role, when in reality it’s nice that they’re all close.

    What does she love?  Maybe buy what’d you’d get her for her birthday with a meaningful card?  If she and your FI are taking any special photos together on your wedding day, you can have one framed (nice frame but no saying necessary) and give it up her after the wedding.

    If you want her to feel special day of you could give her a corsage.  One of H’s aunts helped raise him (his mother left before he turned two) and they’re still close; we gave her a corsage and she really appreciated it.
    charlotte989875MairePoppy
  • Gifts should be given privately, not in front of other people.  I don't see the necessity for a gift at all, but a nice framed photo from your wedding would do very well.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    A nicely framed wedding photo and a corsage would be appropriate.

    As for the message, I would leave out the words "instead of raising him." That could provoke some painful feelings.
    southernbelle0915CMGragain
  • Does your FI want to get her a gift? I'd let hime lead on this one. What does he think? 
    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod

     I was thinking something meaningful like: Thanks for giving birth to the man of my dream's instead of raising him. Or a picture frame with a nice saying. 

    Are there any suggestions on a meaningful present I can get the groom's birth mother?

    Thank you!
    Ouch! That line could sting. Imagine the circumstances were that she wasn't able to raise a child. Please don't say that to her.

    The gifts for groom's parents should come from the groom. A nice frame with a promise of a wedding photo is an ideal gift. 
                
    CMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Okay, I know you mean well, but that line you threw out sounds SUPER passive aggressive. I guarantee it will be taken the wrong way. Avoid avoid avoid. 

    What about a nice picture frame with a wedding photo and a corsage for the day of? 


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    charlotte989875CMGragain
  • Jen4948 said:
    A nicely framed wedding photo and a corsage would be appropriate.

    As for the message, I would leave out the words "instead of raising him." That could provoke some painful feelings.
    All of this. 

    And really, this should come from your FI. Let him figure it out.
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    CMGragaincharlotte989875MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • I am stumped on this....
    The groom's birth mother and adopted mother are both attending the wedding (they are both very close).

     I was thinking something meaningful like: Thanks for giving birth to the man of my dream's instead of raising him. Or a picture frame with a nice saying. 

    No!  No!  No! No! NOOOOOOOOO!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    southernbelle0915charlotte989875
  • I suspect that a lot of misinterpretation is going on.
    There are numerous, numerous mother of the groom gifts available on Etsy and the like that say "thank you for raising the man of my dreams". I think that OP was suggesting that she create a gift that said "thank you for giving birth to the man of my dreams" in lieu of the more common phrasing, not that she actually wanted to say "instead of raising.
    Her phrasing made this unclear in the post, but I don't think she was actually intending to say anything insulting.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited January 30
    I suspect that a lot of misinterpretation is going on.
    There are numerous, numerous mother of the groom gifts available on Etsy and the like that say "thank you for raising the man of my dreams". I think that OP was suggesting that she create a gift that said "thank you for giving birth to the man of my dreams" in lieu of the more common phrasing, not that she actually wanted to say "instead of raising.
    Her phrasing made this unclear in the post, but I don't think she was actually intending to say anything insulting.
    I hope you're right. Thanks for the explanation.

    The gift for the MOG should be from the groom, though, so that still doesn't make sense. There's no need for cutsey sayings on the frames. Select frames that go with each mom's home decor.
                
    CMGragain
  • I suspect that a lot of misinterpretation is going on.
    There are numerous, numerous mother of the groom gifts available on Etsy and the like that say "thank you for raising the man of my dreams". I think that OP was suggesting that she create a gift that said "thank you for giving birth to the man of my dreams" in lieu of the more common phrasing, not that she actually wanted to say "instead of raising.
    Her phrasing made this unclear in the post, but I don't think she was actually intending to say anything insulting.
    Just because something is for sale on Etsy doesn't make it a "thing" that people should feel like they need to partake in. 

    But I understand what you're saying in terms of phrasing. 
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    MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • I suspect that a lot of misinterpretation is going on.
    There are numerous, numerous mother of the groom gifts available on Etsy and the like that say "thank you for raising the man of my dreams". I think that OP was suggesting that she create a gift that said "thank you for giving birth to the man of my dreams" in lieu of the more common phrasing, not that she actually wanted to say "instead of raising.
    Her phrasing made this unclear in the post, but I don't think she was actually intending to say anything insulting.
    Just because something is for sale on Etsy doesn't make it a "thing" that people should feel like they need to partake in. 

    But I understand what you're saying in terms of phrasing. 
    I'm aware that people shouldn't feel the need to partake in these sorts of things and I personally find them kind of silly, but the fact is that they frequently do, and this is a current fad.

    I just recognized the phrasing and made the connection. I didn't want the OP to get jumped on for being rude when it was just a simple miscommunication.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 31
    I suspect that a lot of misinterpretation is going on.
    There are numerous, numerous mother of the groom gifts available on Etsy and the like that say "thank you for raising the man of my dreams". I think that OP was suggesting that she create a gift that said "thank you for giving birth to the man of my dreams" in lieu of the more common phrasing, not that she actually wanted to say "instead of raising.
    Her phrasing made this unclear in the post, but I don't think she was actually intending to say anything insulting.
    Just because something is for sale on Etsy doesn't make it a "thing" that people should feel like they need to partake in. 

    But I understand what you're saying in terms of phrasing. 
    I'm aware that people shouldn't feel the need to partake in these sorts of things and I personally find them kind of silly, but the fact is that they frequently do, and this is a current fad.

    I just recognized the phrasing and made the connection. I didn't want the OP to get jumped on for being rude when it was just a simple miscommunication.
    I understand where you are coming from, but the OP's idea is not rude.  It is in very bad taste.  Less is more.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited January 31
    CMgragain, I think this is one of those times when we have to laugh at ourselves. OP didn't express herself accurately. We took her statement literally-that she wished to thank the birth mother for not raising her son. It comical. I hope OP can see the humor in it.
                
    CMGragain
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    CMgragain, I think this is one of those times when we have to laugh at ourselves. OP didn't express herself accurately. We took her statement literally-that she wished to thank the birth mother for not raising her son. It comical. I hope OP can see the humor in it.
    I think it's totally possible though that the OP was going to write what she wrote here, and she just didn't see how it could sound. I've stopped friends and family from writing stuff like that before. Just the other day SO was writing an important email to his boss about some issues that needed to be addressed and he asked me to proof read it and I found a sentence that sounded pretty passive aggressive. After I pointed it out he was like, "oh yeah, that does sound kind of bad," and he changed it. 

    If OP had said she wanted to give a picture frame that stated, "Thanks for giving birth to the man of my dreams," I don't think we would have had the same reaction. It was the "instead of," that set off alarm bells. At best, we stopped OP from potentially saying something unintentionally hurtful. At worst, she never meant it that way and we can laugh about it. But I think pointing it out was better than just assuming she already knew not to say "instead of."


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    charlotte989875MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    @levioosa - I absolutely agree with you. I'd rather have someone tell me before I misfire my mouth or, worse, put it in writing on a keepsake gift! My children usually save me from my own self - 'Mom, you should look that up on the internet, it doesn't mean what you think it means.'
                
    levioosa
  • Wow..I knew it was hard to get ideas across on the internet but geeze...I was not suggesting putting that saying on anything. Of course I would never put that saying or "instead of" on anything. It was more of the category of gifts I was looking for. (Ex: I got my mom and his adopted mother a wine glass that says I survived my daughter/son's wedding - they are both pretty sarcastic and would appreciate this). I have already ordered her a corsage and the Fiancé feels the same way I do but does not navigate online very well. Im not completely void of people skills. I didn't think people would take that literally but again, that is the internet. Will definitely think twice next time before putting something on here that can be misconstrued as literal. Thanks for the help?
  • Oh and imagine how she will feel when all members of the bridal party and my mom and his adopted mom are all opening gifts before the wedding and she is just sitting there. I was trying to include her by getting her a nice present. A picture frame would come later...I wanted to include her then.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited February 7
    Wow..I knew it was hard to get ideas across on the internet but geeze...I was not suggesting putting that saying on anything. Of course I would never put that saying or "instead of" on anything. It was more of the category of gifts I was looking for. (Ex: I got my mom and his adopted mother a wine glass that says I survived my daughter/son's wedding - they are both pretty sarcastic and would appreciate this). I have already ordered her a corsage and the Fiancé feels the same way I do but does not navigate online very well. Im not completely void of people skills. I didn't think people would take that literally but again, that is the internet. Will definitely think twice next time before putting something on here that can be misconstrued as literal. Thanks for the help?
    Well, I know people in real life that don't quite phrase things correctly, even though they are perfectly nice people.

    You didn't come back to let us know we misunderstood you. Another knottie#s stepped in for you, though.

    Oh and imagine how she will feel when all members of the bridal party and my mom and his adopted mom are all opening gifts before the wedding and she is just sitting there. I was trying to include her by getting her a nice present. A picture frame would come later...I wanted to include her then.
    Who suggested that your fi shouldn't give his birth mother a gift? No one. I would not put 'Thank you for giving birth to the man I love' on the birth mother's gift. The gift should come from him, just as his mother's gift comes from him. He could write, 'Thank you for loving me,' 'Thank you for being there for me,' or whatever is appropriate to their relationship. The gift doesn't have to be wedding themed - and the message can be written on the gift tag, rather than painted on the actual gift.
                
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Wow..I knew it was hard to get ideas across on the internet but geeze...I was not suggesting putting that saying on anything. Of course I would never put that saying or "instead of" on anything. It was more of the category of gifts I was looking for. (Ex: I got my mom and his adopted mother a wine glass that says I survived my daughter/son's wedding - they are both pretty sarcastic and would appreciate this). I have already ordered her a corsage and the Fiancé feels the same way I do but does not navigate online very well. Im not completely void of people skills. I didn't think people would take that literally but again, that is the internet. Will definitely think twice next time before putting something on here that can be misconstrued as literal. Thanks for the help?
    I mean, did you even read the part where I said it could be either way? Did you read any of the posts or did you just focus on what you didn’t like? And please don’t make everyone open gifts together. Give the gifts privately. The gifts to your WP should also be individualized and unrelated to the wedding. 


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    MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • Rather than focusing on something that is specifically for “mother of the groom” just buy something you think she’ll love - a nice bottle of wine if she’s a wine drinker, some earrings if she likes jewelry, etc. or perhaps a clutch that she could use that day to complement her dress. I understand your desire to purchase a gift for her and I think that’s totally fine. Just don’t get caught up in it needing to be something “MOG” specific if that’s what’s hanging you up. 
    InLoveInQueens
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