Wedding Woes

Being supportive is a great start

Dear Prudence,
My partner of almost five years has recently been experiencing some strong feelings of gender dysphoria and changing their gender presentation. I think it’s great they’re talking about it and trying new things, and I’m totally on board. But I was wondering if you could offer any advice about specific things I can do to support them. I’ve given them a binder and some clothes they’ve asked for as gifts and tried to be available as a listener. But not having gone through any sort of similar experience myself I don’t know if there are common pitfalls to look out for or if there are other things I can be doing to help!
—Hopefully Helpful

Re: Being supportive is a great start

  • Sounds like a great start, I'd also ask them what specific things you can do to help. There are also tons of online support communities for partners that you may want to look into for suggestions for just for how to support your partner, but for you as well. 
    MissKittyDangershort+sassy
  • Find a support group is my first thought. It's great LW is supportive and understanding, but knowledge is power :)
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Well, this letter is pleasantly surprising. I’m glad LW is being proactive and supportive. 


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    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875eileenrobshort+sassy
  • I watched a documentary that followed a few people as they started to prep for and then went through a gender reassignment surgery.

    I just loved this one couple.  I'll call them Jane and John.  Though it was both so sweet and so sad.  It was two homosexual men who had been together a long time, one of whom had always felt like he should have been a woman.  The older Jane got, the stronger that feeling became.  His partner was totally supportive, but they had many long and open discussions that John was not attracted to women.  Not even Jane dressed as a woman and eventually becoming a woman.  That was the heaviest part of Jane's decision.  They both knew the surgery would mean an end to the romantic part of their relationship, but Jane's need to be a woman was too strong.  They each understood and supported the feelings of the other person, even though it hurt them.  That was the beautiful part.

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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member

    I watched a documentary that followed a few people as they started to prep for and then went through a gender reassignment surgery.

    I just loved this one couple.  I'll call them Jane and John.  Though it was both so sweet and so sad.  It was two homosexual men who had been together a long time, one of whom had always felt like he should have been a woman.  The older Jane got, the stronger that feeling became.  His partner was totally supportive, but they had many long and open discussions that John was not attracted to women.  Not even Jane dressed as a woman and eventually becoming a woman.  That was the heaviest part of Jane's decision.  They both knew the surgery would mean an end to the romantic part of their relationship, but Jane's need to be a woman was too strong.  They each understood and supported the feelings of the other person, even though it hurt them.  That was the beautiful part.

    This was a while ago, right?  I think I vaguely remember this show.  Documentary or TV series?

    I go with what @misskittydanger suggested, and talking to a group of people in a support group who can relate will be beneficial. 

    MissKittyDanger
  • I watched a documentary that followed a few people as they started to prep for and then went through a gender reassignment surgery.

    I just loved this one couple.  I'll call them Jane and John.  Though it was both so sweet and so sad.  It was two homosexual men who had been together a long time, one of whom had always felt like he should have been a woman.  The older Jane got, the stronger that feeling became.  His partner was totally supportive, but they had many long and open discussions that John was not attracted to women.  Not even Jane dressed as a woman and eventually becoming a woman.  That was the heaviest part of Jane's decision.  They both knew the surgery would mean an end to the romantic part of their relationship, but Jane's need to be a woman was too strong.  They each understood and supported the feelings of the other person, even though it hurt them.  That was the beautiful part.

    This was a while ago, right?  I think I vaguely remember this show.  Documentary or TV series?

    I go with what @misskittydanger suggested, and talking to a group of people in a support group who can relate will be beneficial. 

    Yes, it was awhile ago.  At least a few years?  Maybe even longer than that.  It was definitely a documentary, but it may have been a documentary series.  I don't remember.

    On a different note, good to see you back!  How did the surgery go?

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