Wedding Woes

Just ask for her number as a friend?

Dear Prudence,
I am a twentysomething woman who is interested in women but hasn’t yet dated one. At the moment, I have a mild crush on one of the baristas at the coffee shop that I go to nearly every day during work. I see her several times a week and we have a fairly friendly customer-barista rapport. I’m not painfully pining away—I just enjoy talking to her and it brightens my day when I see her.

I’m about to leave my job in a few weeks, after which I will no longer be a regular customer at that coffee shop. Part of me wants to ask this girl out or give her my number before I leave, but I am also firmly of the opinion that you should never hit on people at their place of work, especially when that work involves customer service. (I also have no idea if this girl is also into girls.) Should I just let this gentle crush go, as it will almost definitely fade once I no longer see her almost every day?
—Coffee Shop Meet-Cute

Re: Just ask for her number as a friend?

  • You could still make time to go to the coffee shop even though you don't work nearby. 

    But why not say "hey I really like chatting with you, would you ever want to hang out sometime" and see what she says?
    MissKittyDangermrsconn23short+sassy
  • I like that LW is of the opinion that you shouldn't hit on people at their place of work. When your job is to be nice to the customers because you are at work, you are put at a disadvantage. I hated being hit on when working at a coffee shop so much ... especially by guys who wouldn't take no for an answer.

    I like the idea of asking the barista verbally like charlotte989874 suggests. Short, sweet, easy.

    imageimage
    short+sassy
  • I'd just let this crush go.  I always hated it when customers hit on me in my retail jobs, no matter how nice they were or their gender.  The power dynamic is just not okay, even if this woman is going to be leaving.

    There are more than 4 women in the world too.
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  • I'm torn between the do and don't of it all.

    My mum actually met the guy she's kinda-sorta seeing through work 2 years ago. Neither of them were looking for anything, but my mum started talking to him while she was on break one day, and he kept coming back - knowing her break times because he asked.
    After awhile, he asked her for coffee to chat. She never thought of it as a date, and it worked for her.

    LW should try and get the number. Even if the barista ends up being not interested, she could meet someone who is a good friend :)
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    short+sassy
  • I'm torn between the do and don't of it all.

    My mum actually met the guy she's kinda-sorta seeing through work 2 years ago. Neither of them were looking for anything, but my mum started talking to him while she was on break one day, and he kept coming back - knowing her break times because he asked.
    After awhile, he asked her for coffee to chat. She never thought of it as a date, and it worked for her.

    LW should try and get the number. Even if the barista ends up being not interested, she could meet someone who is a good friend :)

    Me too!  I could see, like @VarunaTT mentioned, that some people would find it annoying and be bothered by it.

    But, I have to admit, overall I don't see the harm in it as long as it is kept casual and low key.  In the manner that PPs mentioned above, with LW giving the barista her phone number.  And only done once.

    It's always a little awkward to be the askee and not be interested.  However, in the scenario PPs mentioned, it's also an easy out to just not call the person.

    I worked at a bank in college and went on dates with some of my customers, lol.  I can't remember if I was asked for my number or vice versa, but I never felt pressured or like I was asked aggressively/pestered.  One of those dates turned into a 2-year relationship. 

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    MissKittyDanger
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    GBCK said:
    this is when you give them YOUR number.
    "Hey, I'm switching jobs, so I'll not be around much.  If you'd like to meet up with me, here's my number.  Regardless, you rock it here friend, keep slinging coffee with the best of them"

    mostly passes the 'go to hell 'rule (which states you cant ask someone out if for ANY reason you think they might not be able to tell you to go to hell/fuck off in the language of their choice) in a way asking for her number doesn't.

    I like this approach
    charlotte989875
  • i like GBCK's suggestion. 

    I had a long term boyfriend (hs into sophomore year of college) that I met through my retail/food job. (I worked in a candy/nut store.) After seeing him a few times a week for a month or so, I wrote my number in the box and told him to give me a call if he wanted to go out sometime. I liked that he was friendly and flirty but not remotely pushy or sleazy. He came back within 30 minutes and gave me his number/asked me out. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
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