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Moms and Maids

MOB here, needs help...

I was married last year. Now i am mother of the bride. It is two months away and my dtr just told me she doesnt want my husband there. He remarked about the cost of our hotel room & she took offense. She does not feel like he is interested in her big day. I feel hurt. I know what he said was not appropriate but we all ready have all our travel arrangements made. The wedding is out of state. Btw, her real father is deceased so that is not a factor. I have not met the groom's family. It will be embarassing not having my husband there when everyone is expecting him. This drama and family discord is awful. My dtr just called me last night about this. I am processing it but need to respond. I love my daughter but don't want to damage my new relationship with my husband! Any suggestions or advise would be helpful.

Re: MOB here, needs help...

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It's rude of your daughter to exclude your husband, and you're allowed to say so and set boundaries that at a minimum, he has to be invited and treated with politeness.

    You can insist that your husband has to be invited and treated with respect. But if he's not her father, then he may well not care that much about her wedding, especially since he didn't raise her. You might point out to her that nobody will care about it as much as she and her FI.

    That said, what does your daughter want him to do to "show interest" that he isn't doing? It would not be appropriate for him to complain about anything he's not paying for.


  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You need to talk to to your daughter and tell her that he as to be included. Couples are always invited together per etiquette and it would be an egregious error on her part not to invite her mother's new husband. She would come off looking poorly. I'm sure she was hurt by your husband's comment (which I'm sure was innocently made) but hopefully she will calm down about it.
    short+sassy
  • My dtr really does not know him all that well. The only "back story" I am aware of : As our wedding gift, she paid for & oversaw an ice cream sundae bar at our wedding. This was her choice, i didnt ask her to. Of course, we thanked her. Maybe shes upset we atent paying for something (fiance is well off; we are far from it).. I think she is in the Bridezilla phase or something else is bugging her. I will give her some space then reapproach the subject. I appreciate what people have commented so far.
    MesmrEweInLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
  • She is 29, has good job & has lived on her own for years. Fiancee has very good income & savings.They are funding the wedding on their own. We are not able to help, or would.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 10
    My dtr really does not know him all that well. The only "back story" I am aware of : As our wedding gift, she paid for & oversaw an ice cream sundae bar at our wedding. This was her choice, i didnt ask her to. Of course, we thanked her. Maybe shes upset we atent paying for something (fiance is well off; we are far from it).. I think she is in the Bridezilla phase or something else is bugging her. I will give her some space then reapproach the subject. I appreciate what people have commented so far.
    Former MOB, here.  Your daughter has no right to expect any financial contributions from you and your husband.  It sounds like you are making excuses for her.
    Lots of people have step parents.  I did.  If you let your daughter try to control you, you will regret it, I promise you.  Wait a few days, and let her wake up and smell the coffee.  She doesn't need you to enable her rudeness towards your husband, and it won't help your relationship, either.
    As for her fiance's wealth?  EWwwww!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 10
    I hope your daughter doesn't force it to be like this, but when my late grandmother married for the second time, all three of her children and their spouses boycotted the wedding.  $$$ . Under the circumstances, Granny decided to elope with dignity.  The marriage lasted 28 years.  He adored her!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEwe
  • Cancel the reservation at the high-roller hotel and go with one in the area you can afford!  My family didn't like our choices of hotel blocks so stayed someplace else instead.  Their money, their choice.  I suspect there's something else at play with her, like mentioned previously, give it a few days then time for a heart to heart and find out what's really going on.  Is it Dad won't be there so she doesn't want anyone in his "spot" at play, or is she just an entitled brat of a bridezilla who doesn't have regard for anyone's feelings than her own.  There needs to be a confrontation of the issue at hand, it's a question whether it's an onion peel that needs to take place with finesse and compassion or simply a "WTF - you're being rude and asking me to choose between my daughter and my husband and that's not o.k. on any level and unacceptable behavior!"...  You may need to stick to your guns on this one and force her hand after the invitations come out.  Unless there's a REAL physical/emotional abuse situation ("you're hotel room is way too freaking expensive for us to afford" is not abuse), breaking up a couple is not o.k. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    SP29
  • Has your husband apologized to her for the comment you acknowledge he shouldn’t have made? If not, yeah your daughter is doing something wrong but so is he. 
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