Dog at your wedding?

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 · February 2018

We have a family member who wants to bring their dog to the wedding. They always travel with it as an "emotional support animal" and feel very strongly that the dog is included everywhere that they go and are very belligerent if questioned. They have not approached us as (others have told us) they are "assuming the dog is invited." There are a few guests who are very anti-dog out of fear and allergies (we are not anti-dog, but we just don't want a canine wedding guest.)

The dog is not invited. The dog won't be allowed in the restaurant where we are having our reception. How do I politely mention this if the individual does not ask?

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2018

You should just tell them that your venue doesn't allow animals. Since it isn't a certified therapy dog and not covered under any law the venue doesn't have to allow the dog in their facility, and you have no control over that. This might mean the family member won't attend the wedding though. Personally that wouldn't bother me, but you might want to keep that in mind.

Jen4948 · February 2018

ILoveBeachMusic said:

You should just tell them that your venue doesn't allow animals. Since it isn't a certified therapy dog and not covered under any law the venue doesn't have to allow the dog in their facility, and you have no control over that. This might mean the family member won't attend the wedding though. Personally that wouldn't bother me, but you might want to keep that in mind.

I would do the same thing. Or I would say, "I'm sorry, but we can't accommodate your dog," the same as with uninvited human guests. What I wouldn't do is engage them in any kind of debate about whether it qualifies as an "emotional support animal."

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 · February 2018

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

CMGragain · February 2018

I would ask the restaurant to give you a copy of their pet policy. Include this with your invitation - making the restaurant responsible.

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 · February 2018

CMGragain said:

I would ask the restaurant to give you a copy of their pet policy. Include this with your invitation - making the restaurant responsible.

Unfortunately they have gone out. We never thought for a moment that this individual would expect to bring the dog about saying something to us.

CMGragain · February 2018

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

What? How early did you send your invitations? Several months is too early! I am afraid you have created some of your problem yourself.
If you are not the hosts of your wedding, then it is the hosts that should make the phone call. People have to call to correct things all the time - like, we are very sorry, but the kids are not invited.

LondonLisa · February 2018

No is not a naughty word. I absolutely support Emotional Support Animals for people with severe needs, like PTSD. But I feel like it is absolutely getting out of control with people who just like to bring their pets everywhere. This is not a registered assistance dog, like for the visually impaired, deaf or for epilepsy. Those dogs are unbelievably well trained, and you would hardly notice are there.

Maybe I am just sensitive to it lately, but I read an awful story about a woman in America that literally flushed her 'Emotional Support' hamster down the toilet because the airline wouldn't let it fly. Wankers registering pets as ESAs have severely hampered actual assistance dogs and made life even harder for people with disabilities. There have been countless stories of blind people being denied boarding on airplanes because there are already ESAs, or working guide dogs being attacked by badly trained ESAs.

I would call this person with a tone of positive, helpful and thoughtful: " Hi, Aunt Beryl, we are so excited to have you at the wedding. I know you usually travel with Fido, so I wanted to make sure to check if you needed any recommendations for dog walkers for the day of the wedding? Unfortunately dogs, even emotional support dogs, are not able to attend due to several regulations out of our control. But can't wait to see you and let me know if you want me to ask around for a trusted name of someone who can let fido out for a walk''. Then change the subject. This is not up for discussion. Don't explicitly blame the restaurant, as pushy people like this will likely call ahead and try to argue directly with the venue.

Let them be belligerent about it. No is a full sentence. Alert your venue that this person might try to show up with a dog, and they are, under no circumstances, to allow the dog in.

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

Double check with the venue. Ensure you mention it is an emotion support therapy dog {be honest if they ask about certification}

If venue says no, you can explain to them that you're aware they bring the dog with them you asked ahead of time, and unfortunately since dog is not certified, the venue cannot accommodate them.

short+sassy · February 2018

Assuming your wedding venue is in the U.S., I can give you the run down on animals.

A service animal -- which can only be a dog or a miniature horse -- helps an individual with a specific PHYSICAL disability. They are basically allowed to go...and allowed to go by law...pretty much anywhere, except into a sterile environment. Like an operating room.

An emotional support animal (ESA) is very different and the laws for them are also very different. Many people with ESAs like to pretend that their animal has the same legal rights as a service animal, but they are absolutely wrong. Any business, with the exception of lodging and airlines, can legally refuse to allow an ESA into their establishment. Period.

And even lodging and airlines have a multitude of exceptions available to them for ESAs, but I won't bore you all with those details.

short+sassy · February 2018

MissKittyDanger said:

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

Double check with the venue. Ensure you mention it is an emotion support therapy dog {be honest if they ask about certification}

If venue says no, you can explain to them that you're aware they bring the dog with them you asked ahead of time, and unfortunately since dog is not certified, the venue cannot accommodate them.

I wanted to offer a small correction on this. A certification doctor's letter (FTFY) doesn't matter for an ESA. A business can still refuse to allow an ESA into their premises.

For the two exceptions I mentioned that do need to legally allow ESAs (lodging/airlines), those establishments can require a doctor's note be provided before allowing admittance.

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

Double check with the venue. Ensure you mention it is an emotion support therapy dog {be honest if they ask about certification}

If venue says no, you can explain to them that you're aware they bring the dog with them you asked ahead of time, and unfortunately since dog is not certified, the venue cannot accommodate them.

I wanted to offer a small correction on this. A certification doctor's letter (FTFY) doesn't matter for an ESA. A business can still refuse to allow an ESA into their premises.
For the two exceptions I mentioned that do need to legally allow ESAs (lodging/airlines), those establishments can require a doctor's note be provided before allowing admittance.

Bolded, really? I thought ESA were cleared as long as they have proper docs ... this seems to be a day of me learning things lol

InLoveInQueens · February 2018

MissKittyDanger said:

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

Double check with the venue. Ensure you mention it is an emotion support therapy dog {be honest if they ask about certification}

If venue says no, you can explain to them that you're aware they bring the dog with them you asked ahead of time, and unfortunately since dog is not certified, the venue cannot accommodate them.

I wanted to offer a small correction on this. A certification doctor's letter (FTFY) doesn't matter for an ESA. A business can still refuse to allow an ESA into their premises.
For the two exceptions I mentioned that do need to legally allow ESAs (lodging/airlines), those establishments can require a doctor's note be provided before allowing admittance.

Bolded, really? I thought ESA were cleared as long as they have proper docs ... this seems to be a day of me learning things lol

Not at all, and besides a doctor's recommendation/"prescription" there is no documents you can have that relate to an ESA (that aren't a scam/money grab, like registries). Like @short+sassy said, there are two places that ESAs are legally allowed, but even with lodgings there are exemptions where you need more than just a letter, like if your landlord has fewer than x number of units/homes or lives with you.

Service animals, on the other hand, must be trained to perform a specific task and a store can only ask "is your animal a service animal required because of a disability" and "what work/task is your animal trained to perform" but can't ask for documentation or have the task shown to them. They also don't require vests, so that's not an actual indicator either.

And in my Googling to see the wording of the questions the first ad Google gave me was "Do you want to legally be able to take your dog anywhere? Register it as a service dog now!" so it's not a surprise that there's so much misinformation out there about ESAs and Service Animals. It's sad, because so many people can benefit from having one or the other but there are also so many people who want to just scam their landlords into letting them have their puppy in a pet-free apartment.

short+sassy · February 2018

InLoveInQueens said:

MissKittyDanger said:

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

knottied5a79e4f29d74764 said:

So, should I say something now? We still have several months. Calling out of the blue and saying "we can't accommodate your hound" will start an argument. Its not likely that this individual will do the polite thing and ask the hosts. How might one present this delicately if it doesn't come up organically (as it won't)?

Double check with the venue. Ensure you mention it is an emotion support therapy dog {be honest if they ask about certification}

If venue says no, you can explain to them that you're aware they bring the dog with them you asked ahead of time, and unfortunately since dog is not certified, the venue cannot accommodate them.

I wanted to offer a small correction on this. A certification doctor's letter (FTFY) doesn't matter for an ESA. A business can still refuse to allow an ESA into their premises.
For the two exceptions I mentioned that do need to legally allow ESAs (lodging/airlines), those establishments can require a doctor's note be provided before allowing admittance.

Bolded, really? I thought ESA were cleared as long as they have proper docs ... this seems to be a day of me learning things lol

Not at all, and besides a doctor's recommendation/"prescription" there is no documents you can have that relate to an ESA (that aren't a scam/money grab, like registries). Like @short+sassy said, there are two places that ESAs are legally allowed, but even with lodgings there are exemptions where you need more than just a letter, like if your landlord has fewer than x number of units/homes or lives with you.

Service animals, on the other hand, must be trained to perform a specific task and a store can only ask "is your animal a service animal required because of a disability" and "what work/task is your animal trained to perform" but can't ask for documentation or have the task shown to them. They also don't require vests, so that's not an actual indicator either.

And in my Googling to see the wording of the questions the first ad Google gave me was "Do you want to legally be able to take your dog anywhere? Register it as a service dog now!" so it's not a surprise that there's so much misinformation out there about ESAs and Service Animals. It's sad, because so many people can benefit from having one or the other but there are also so many people who want to just scam their landlords into letting them have their puppy in a pet-free apartment.

Airlines, the other industry that ESA's need to be allowed...but within reason...,have started cracking down and instilling more specific policies.

I don't know if any of you caught the article a few weeks ago, but some woman was trying to board a plane with her ESA peacock. There was hilarious pic of the peacock in the airport. I had forgotten what an enormous bird they are! She had bought a "seat" for it, but it wouldn't have even fit in an airplane seat. She was either a complete nut job or looking for some misguided 15-minutes of fame. Apparently she had even called the airlines multiple times in the days before her trip and was told unequivocally, every single time, that the peacock would not be allowed on the plane. Size restrictions for an ESA was one of the reasons. But she showed up with it anyway.

I'll even play devil's advocate for a sec that this woman needs her peacock for her emotional well being. But, lady, seriously? Did you ever even ONCE think about the physical and emotional well being of this animal that is in your care and is such a "necessary help" to you? Do you think your peacock wants to be CRAMMED into an airplane seat that it is too big for and forced to stay there for hours? No. It's cruel.

Dog at your wedding?

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